Loki ain't Lucky... I can't think; 'n therefore I am...

... Ya'r lucky if ya'r in two minds...

... Ya'r loki if ya don't have even one...

________________________________________

... Ya'r lucky if ya can unscramble "vole" 'n "ifle"...

... Ya'r loki if ya can't...

________________________________________

... Ya'r lucky if the fog is just another weather update...

... Ya'r loki if it's the state of being 365x24...

________________________________________


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2010~2011

... yahan shikwon ka ajab silsila hai... logo ko iss baat ka bhi gilaa hai... nayi dilli mein nahi, kyun puraani dilli mein lal qila hai...

... jinki buffalo, directly/indirectly, 2010 mein meri vajeh se bhag gayi, I deeply regret it an iota (an oxymoron but that's me) am incorrigible 'n I can't be any better in 2011...

... iss liye padosan apni bhains ko rakhna sambhaal... china has a great wall... but humpty dumpty had a great fall...

Adieu 2010... All that I gained... All that I lost... I'd remember always 'n forever...
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Love ya... More than ya wanted me to... More than I wanted to...

... nahi hui aagaaz ki khabar, na mujhe kisi anjaam ki fikr...
... meri dastaan-e-ishq namukammil hai gar tera na hua zikr...



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Mind thy own business...

... beshaq karo tum fasaad fazeehat par main isteraahat hoon...

... na tum mere jawaab ho; aur na main tumhara sawaal hoon...

wonder not when ya wonder...

wonder not when I don't...

wonder not over humiliation...

wonder not over compliments...

wonder not when I am judged...

wonder not to judge someone too...

wonder not when people change...

wonder not when they remain the same...

Sands of time...

samajh ke sehra, hawaon ne koshish mitaane ki jo nishaan/sangmarmar pe naqshi, woh ibaarat waqt ne tabaahi hai

the desert storms erase something temporary, but an insane moment can cause brutal fatality in destroying something eternal

tum kabr khodo thodi aur, zyada main bhi girrta hoon/jannat se dojakh tak waqt ne saath khoob nibhaya hai

alas! the sands of time have witnessed both my zenith as well my nadir





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Borrowed love... Borrowed life...

... rooh ruki hui murdah jism mein bin vajeh ab aise...

... zabardasti apna ghar bana le mehmaan koi jaise...



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I want my epitaph to read, “... from zilch to zilch... no longer can flinch”...

... bikhra zarf kaho ya samjho hoon main mukammal zarraa...

... pathar ko taraashne se qabr ki dar haqeeqat nahi badalti...

I am not an exception to the rule...

I am not a rule to the exception...

I am not an exception to the exception...

I am not a rule to the rule...

I am what I am...

I am zilch...




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I want my epitaph to read, “still... penancing... penancing still... ”

... mere fareb ki feharist jaise meri barbaadi mein aabaad hai...
... rah-guzaar bhi na bhula saka; ham-raah bhi mujhe yaad hai...

am a cheap layered mask, conniving to deceit...
deceiving myself along with the strangers I cheat...
the miles I walked 'n the anguish I have caused...
mea culpa until am layed six feet under 'n paused...



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Losing my religion hurts... more so as I am an atheist...

... iss qadar maahir hoon main khud ko jeetane mein...

... khud se lagai hai shart, khud hi haare jaa raha hoon...





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Losing my religion hurts... more so as I am an atheist...

... iss qadar maahir hoon main khud ko jeetane mein...

... khud se lagai hai shart, khud hi haare jaa raha hoon...





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Dilemma... To die or to die...

... markaz pe aake rukk gaye ho jaise taare sab...
... uss shaam ke baad, sahar phir se naa hogi ab...

stars now just lay still, in a bondage too free...
numbness of night infinitely more alive than me...
death now is much warmer than an inane heart...
parallel railway tracks are together yet are apart...

I'd die not 'coz I'd run outta oxygen; I'd die 'coz I'd run outta time...



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Jab nasha toot ta hai... Kitne tukde gire hain... Hosh chunle lage hain hum... Hum bhi kya sarfire hain...

... pardaanashiin ho dozakh aur jannat saath ek imaarat mein...
... dono ke maanind hai maayne, farak faqat hai ibaarat mein...

"The mind is its own place, 'n in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven" ~ John Milton, Paradise Lost

whoa, big deal... an inane incorrigible sans a mind, yet can make a heaven of hell 'n a hell of heaven in its heart...

die flickering heart, die... please die infinite...



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... death doesn't scares me; life does...

... my only eternal wish was to have life be as long as death is...

God damn it deaf God, I now have a death as long as life is...



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... death doesn't scares me; life does...

... my only eternal wish was to have life be as long as death is...

God damn it deaf God, I now have a death as long as life is...



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... being on the same page is more important than being in the same book...

Ya'r lucky to have a silver lining in the cloud...

Ya'r loki to have the cloud in a sliver lining...

Have a rocking weekend guys... May ya always be lucky 'n forever be sans loki...

I'd drink for ya'r health...

Cheers!



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... want my epitaph to read, “nothing for nothing, so nothing”...

Life's a great leveler... It teaches ya more than death ever could... although I really wish more than life, death was a great leveler...


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... fatal absolution... as much zenith as it is my waterloo...

... an incorrigible inane insane lost far too many fragments of the withered soul en route the quest for forgiveness only to realize no absolution is ever possible without finding the missing pieces first...

... haasil jama chaar din, kaafir ko mile hashr ki chaah mein...
... zaae do intezaar karke; do barbaad honge ab nijaat mein...

... alas, the wasted is meant to remain wasted, until wasted...

... naar-e-dozakh se haal-e-bayaan karta raha...
... kuch aag bhi na bujhi, kuch daag bhi jalta raha...



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The jokes which make me laugh unending until I cry...

The jokes which make me laugh unending until I cry...

1. Lokesh is sane.

2. "I love ya" are the three immortal words which won't go below par.

3. God.

4. Soulmates.

5. Ya can like 'n unlike but ya can't love 'n unlove.

6. Always 'n forever actually means always 'n forever.





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Instead of living every moment until I live, am dying every moment until I die...

... kaho tum mujhe farebee toh yeh koi fareb nahin...
... taqdeer mein par mujh se zyada daghaa kaabiz ho jaise...
... kyun miley they do ajnabi dost ban falak se door kahin...
... uss saath ki kashish marr kar bhi chhudaaoon kaise...

What haunts me isn't why ya left... But why we had met if it wasn't meant to be...

Life isn't the same... 'n sans ya around, even the death won't be the same.



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... munasib kaho mujhe zaleel ya samjho muqaddar hai parvaane ka jalna... ranjish khud ke vajood se, nahi jaanta ki deewangi ya pashemaani meri...

... ruki meri zindagi ko chalane ki koshish jo ki hawa ke tez jhonko ne...

... yaad aaya bebaak paravaaz tha kabhi main bhi alaam-e-awaargi mein...

The popular perception forever was that I was an incorrigible, incorrect 'n immoral to the core... staking more than the bargain... but it was never a game for me so I wasn't looking at winning...

Silly me, it was a game 'n I lost... Big time!
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Numb 'n Number...

... na tareekh, na mausam, ab na yeh badalte rishtey...
... tab bhi hairaan nahi hota jab badalate hai farishtey...

In college, riding upon my RX100, whenever I felt the bite of the winters, sans any protection gear, would open all the buttons on my shirt. The chill would kill me for the initial few minutes but 'en my body would go numb. I wouldn't feel cold.

Probably my soul has gone numb...




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The final rites... of an eternally wrong...

... na do gaz zameen chahiye, na do gaz kafan...
... zarra khawab hoon main, na ho paonga dafan...

... an inane insane has withered within unreal 'n surreal...
... scorn me as a decimated desire, don't bother for a burial...




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Always 'n forever...

... jaahil hoon, be-khabar ki aaqabat mein mera mukaam kya hoga...

... par yakeenan meri har saans rahegi gulaam teri, mujh se azaad hone tak...

... like everything else, will remain clueless too...
... why, if ever, we were or weren't meant to be...

... I do know however, this life 'n beyond, always 'n forever...
... every breath I take, until I breathe, is owned by thee...
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... samajhiye isse bhi intehaa mere fareb ki... apne zakhmo ko daghaa diya ki bhar gaye ho...

God: Whoa!! Aren't ya a self confessed atheist, what are ya doing here?

Me: Wandering, just as ya always 'n forever intended me to be.

God: Let me rephrase, what brings a faithless insanity to me now?

Me: Nothing... I was nothing; 'n I mean nothing.

God: One wish if I were to grant ya?

Me: Living isn't important for me, dying without regrets surely is; please see that I die without regrets.
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See you online... © Sangeeta Bhargava 2010... Original post @ http://sangeetabhargava.blogspot.com/2010/11/see-you-online.html

See you online...

© Sangeeta Bhargava 2010

This short story was awarded second prize by the bestselling Writers' Forum magazine.

Original post @ http://sangeetabhargava.blogspot.com/2010/11/see-you-online.html

_________________________________________

1st MAY

Hey, saw you online so wanted to ask you about your opinion on the debate going on in the chat room right now. Do you also feel what I said was wrong?

By the way, my name is Tina. Come to MSN if you want to be my friend.

Love Tina.

__________________________________________

2nd MAY

Neel read the personal message over and over again. It was past midnight but he was still awake. This was the first time in weeks that it was not pain but excitement that had kept him up. He could not wait for Tina to come online. She would be his first online friend.

Okay, she was online now.

Tina: Hey dude.

Neel: Hey.

Tina: Thanks for supporting me in the chat room yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt or insult anyone but just had to say what I felt. It was not my fault that people got so defensive. Anyways…

Neel: You know, people get defensive when they know that they are in the wrong but don't want to admit it. By the way, how come you're up so late?

Tina: I'm studying. My A levels are going on.

Neel: You are in school?

Tina: Yup, 6th form.

Neel: I see. Got to go. Bye.

Tina: Bye.

__________________________________________

3rd MAY

Tina: Hey Neel. Why did you leave so abruptly yesterday?

Neel: You want the truth?

Tina: Yes.

Neel: Umm…….I'm 28.

Tina: Oh!

Neel: Well?

Tina: Well what?

Neel: Does it matter that I am 11 years older than you?

Tina: Nah.

Neel: So – still friends?

Tina: Of course.

Neel: Okay, got to go now. The old hag is here to give me my sponge.

Tina: Hag? Sponge?

Neel: Will tell you tomorrow.

Tina: Bye. Catch you tomorrow.

Neel: Yup.

__________________________________________

4th MAY

Tina: So what do you do apart from chatting?

Neel: I was a pilot.

Tina: OMG! You're a pilot?

Neel: I said I WAS.

Tina: ?????

Neel: I met with an accident about three months back.

Tina: Oh, I'm sorry.

Neel: Don't be.

Tina: Now I get it – the old hag and the sponge….

Neel: Yup. Now you know why I'm always online – I have no life, no future.

Tina: Why this pessimism? Are you bedridden?

Neel: No, I will be able to walk eventually, but I cannot fly an aircraft again. Can't even play football ever again. You see, my knee was completely smashed in the accident.

Tina: At least you are not handicapped. There are so many things you can still do.

Neel: You don't understand. Flying was my life.

Tina: So? It's best to accept what life throws at you, with a smile.

Neel: What do YOU know about life? You are still in school. You haven't even seen life. You have no idea what it is like to be in so much pain that you pass out. Do you know what it is like to be in constant pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? And no amount of painkillers can dull that pain. Do you know what it is to lie in bed all day when previously you had spent every single waking moment on the move?

Neel angrily logs out.

__________________________________________

5th MAY

Tina: Are you still mad at me?

Neel: No. My temper comes down even faster than it goes up.

Tina: Well, you were right. After all I'm just 17. I have yet to see the world. In my entire life of 17 years, 4 months and 26 days, I have never been depressed. All my problems are taken care of by my parents. I have a wonderful supportive family with no deaths or divorces. So who am I…?

Neel: Hey, stop this emotional nonsense. You know you're far more mature than your years.

Tina: Am I?

Neel: Aren't you?

__________________________________________

6th MAY

Tina: Yippee, exams are finally over.

Neel: Cool! So now you're free to party all day.

Tina: No, now I have to work doubly hard to win the Jane Austen scholarship. I hope to become a scribe one day. Then I wouldn't have to live on my parents' money. It feels terrible. I'm 17.5, yet have not earned a penny in my life.

Neel: So you want to be a writer? Interesting.

Tina: Yes. I want to create a character that will outlive me.

__________________________________________

7th MAY

Tina: It must have been something flying a plane! I've never even driven a car.

Neel: It was mind-blowing. Absolutely exhilarating. Flying through those clouds – touching the very gates of heaven. I felt as though I was God Himself, looking down on his creation.

Tina: Tell me something, but first promise me that you won't get upset this time.

Neel: I promise.

Tina: Got any passion other than flying?

Neel: Nope.

Tina: No, seriously?

Neel: Well, now and then I do enjoy playing computer games.

Tina: There you go. Why don't you do a computer course? Become an IT professional or something?

Neel: You mean go back to school at this age? You got to be kidding.

Tina: There is no age for learning. I would rather be dead than stop learni

Neel: Yes, my guru.

Tina: So will you at least think about it?

Neel: Yes guru.

__________________________________________

8th MAY

Tina: So what have you decided?

Neel: That Twilight is way better than Madagascar 2.

Tina: Not that stupid. I am talking about the course.

Neel: I've decided not to. I left college seven years ago. It's impossible to go back.

Tina: Join an adult or home study programme.

Neel: Nope, it won't work.

__________________________________________

10th MAY

Neel: Where were you yesterday? Angry with me?

Tina: No. What you do with your life is none of my business. I'd gone to the cinema to see Assassination of Jesse James. You can't imagine how GOOD Brad Pitt looked! I had an idiotic grin plastered on my face throughout the movie. Oh my God, I'm still reeling under the effect. Don't I sound like a gone case?

Neel: Tell me, are you pretty?

Tina: Well, I guess, umm, that's what people say.

Neel: What do you look like? Is your hair short or long?

Tina: Does it matter?

Neel: Nope.

Tina: Have you seen Black?

Neel: Nope, I'm not a movie buff.

Tina: Go and see it. If the heroine of that movie, who is deaf, dumb and blind, can do her graduation, I don't see why you can't.

__________________________________________

11th MAY

Neel: I have some news.

Tina: You've decided to do the course.

Neel: Gosh, you can even read my mind now. Yup, I've decided to give it a shot and all because of you.

Tina: I'm flattered.

__________________________________________

12th MAY

Neel: Hey, where have you been all day? I wanted to tell you that my plaster's being cut tomorrow. We're gonna party all night.

Tina: Oh cool, have fun.

Neel: Won't you dance with me?

Tina: Silly, don't you know I can't dance?

Neel: Why not? I'll teach you. Seriously, if we meet one day, I'll take you to the most happening disco in town.

Tina: That can never happen, Neel. I am paralysed waist down.

Neel stared at the screen. It was past midnight. The only sound he could hear was the tap - DRIP DRIP DRIP….as the words slowly sunk in.

__________________________________________

© Sangeeta Bhargava 2010

Most of the work posted on this blog is the work of the author and therefore remains the writer's copyright.
remains the writer's copyright. cyright.
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The Yellow Saree... A heartwarming short story...© Rajiv Ramanujam... Original post @ http://m.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=497090642596&fbb=r8f26d42b&refid=22#anchor_fbid_497090642596

The Yellow Saree...

A heartwarming short story...

© Rajiv Ramanujam 

Original post @ http://m.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=497090642596&fbb=r8f26d42b&refid=22#anchor_fbid_497090642596

________________________________________

Saturday morning.

Rahul was at the wheel of his car and waiting. His wife had stepped off to buy something for Rahul's older brother.

Saturday morning.

November and its first chills were setting in.

While randomly looking out, Rahul's gaze settled on an old woman's face. She may have been in her late 60's, small, slender. Her grey hair in a bun, in a yellow saree, a small purse clutched in her hand, and a cloth bag on her shoulder.

Probably she was a Bengali, as the locality was home to many of them.

A lined, expressive face, with eyes which seemed to have seen a great deal.

Rahul was a traveler, and was used to observing people. She was patiently waiting for the traffic to pass.

In the time it takes for a heartbeat to pulse, or a nerve ending to beat, Rahul suddenly knew who it was.

His childhood friend Ranjan's mother!

Rushing out, he walked up to her and stammered, "Mrs. Banerjee... I mean Sharmila Aunty... It's me, Rahul..."

She turned. Those expressive eyes scanned his face. Then that radiant smile which lit up a whole room appeared. Her hand gently came up and stroked his face, "Beta Rahul... Is it really you? How many years has it been?"

"Ranjan?"... "Uncle?"..., Rahul asked...

"Ranjan? In America. New York. Didn't you know?"

Guiltily he realized he had lost touch.

And Uncle?

That was the only time, that radiance dimmed a little.

"He passed away. 6 years ago"

"Oh I am so sorry", was all that came out.

"It's ok Rahul, he was ready to go. But you please come home. Remember those chops you boys liked so much? I can make them for you again".

Suddenly, Rahul's phone rang. His wife calling him. Quietly, she said, "ok, beta, do come over", and with a quiet dignity, she walked away.

Driving away, Rahul realized he had not asked her number, or the address, or even Ranjan's whereabouts.

A snapshot of childhood had appeared, and vanished.

Almost like a dream.

A quick glance at the rear view mirror.

Gone.

Snapshots... Childhood... Memory...

________________________________________

As I was done reading the above short story by Rajiv Ramanujam, I felt even more empty than I do otherwise... It numbed me, unnerved me... The ever growing vacuum just became humongous... The hole became a crater...

Ironically the more technology we now have access to, the more detached we have become... That's how the life has become to be...

Life has taught me, 'n taught me well, at times in subtle 'n at other times in a brutal way to differentiate 'n respect between all the things that are meant to be 'n aren't meant to be... But losing the connect with reality isn't how I ever wanted it to be...
________________________________________

Epilogue...

Repeatedly calling one particular number from my hand phone over last one hour, I got a trifle bit miffed... constantly was getting busy tone... WTF, what has come over people, how can anyone remain inaccessible in this age 'n time... I mean, who has the audacity to continuously talk over one hour without realizing that there may be someone somewhere urgently trying to reach 'em... at least have the call waiting activated, for God's sake...

Shoot... It dawned upon me... I was trying to call my own hand phone number...

In a desperate attempt to reach I, me, myself, had failed to connect, not without reason perhaps... I was failing time 'n again, in every attempt, to reach myself... 'n it wasn't a technology glitch... my inner core had become inaccessible to the facade I portray to the outside world...

Is it a realization; is it a revelation... I don't know... perhaps more aptly, I won't know as I have always been brain challenged...

Surely more than anything, losing connect with myself is gonna be my nemesis, my bane, my Waterloo...

I have dug my own grave... 'n oblivious of it, I am walking towards it... nah... am running towards it...

Life won't give me a second chance...

Call waiting isn't activated...
________________________________________
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... khalish ki na sahi par shor ki yaqeenan hui ab intehaa... multavii ho dhadkan toh shayad kaafir ko sakoon aaye...

... Khuda se kamm shikavaa, khud se zyada hoon bezaar...
... halaak ho ke bhi wafaat ko kyun rehta hoon be-qaraar...

I blame no goddess, not even my creator...
cursing surely only myself, I am the crater...
dying every moment in an eternal pain...
wonder why 'en I yet await to perish again...
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... it ain't the heart that beats me anymore; but that it beats...

Had read this during schooling... possibly a zillion years ago...

Haar ki Jeet...

By Sri Sudarshan, a writer well known for his short stories...

Here it goes...

__________________________________________

Baba Bharthi was a monk who used to live in a village temple serving the temple 'n the people in the village.

The only worldly possession he had, was his horse Heera, who was indeed a really fine mustang.

The horse was pretty famous in the neighboring areas 'n one fine day this beautiful animal was noticed by Khadag Singh, the infamous dacoit.

Absolutely smitten by the beauty of the horse, he desperately tries to buy him from Baba Bharthi. When Baba refuses to sell, he threatened Baba with dire consequences 'n leaves.

Few months later, Baba riding on his beloved Heera noticed a crippled guy on the road who seemed to have a lot of trouble walking. The crippled begged Baba for a ride into the village. Moved by the guy's plight Baba helped him onto the horse. As soon as he was firmly up on the horse, the crippled pushed Baba away. It turned out that the cripple was none other than Khadag Singh in disguise. He sternly told Baba that since he was in possession of the horse it belonged to him, also warning the Baba not to ever try searching for the horse.

Just as he was leaving, Baba told Khadag Singh that he may indeed have the horse but also requested him not to disclose this episode with anyone else lest people lose faith in the cripples 'n others in need 'n refused help citing this particular incident as an example.

Moved by this noble thought, Khadag Singh returned the horse back to Baba Bharthi.

__________________________________________

Ironically though, this moral stayed with an inane immoral, just as everything else, whatever am told, I read, see or experience, does too...

__________________________________________

... beshaq kaafir se yeh haar, Khuda ko thi naagavaar..
... chahat mein teri, karta tha tujhe uss se zyada pyaar..
... buttun ki ibaadat duniya chodh na de haqeeqat jaan...
... Khuda na tera zikr, zubaan pe ab aata hai meharban...
__________________________________________

... zillion years 'n yet I dared to remember the lesson... seriously, I need to get a life... what an absolute loser I am... but I surely am glad ya won...

same wishes as always for ya dudette... lambi umer ho, dukh word ka kabhi pata bhi na chale... ameen!

same curse for me... muqaddar ke sitam ko samajh ke muqaddas, yeh majnoon dhadkane... ek khandar pe pehra deti ab bhi muqarrar, jaise dastuur ho koi...

_________________________________________
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... as long as JWBL/Absolut can make me believe it's an utopian world, I am game; the moment they fail me, I would certainly fail for the last time too...

... taufiiq kaho ya bekasii, badalti hawaon ne badla mahual hai...

... ranjish ko samajhiye apna aur mohabbat se keejiye haul hai...

... na shikavaa na shikaayat, na kissi aur se koi gilaa hai...

... ek farebi sawaal hoon main, mujhe yeh pata chala hai...

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Don't waste me a tear when I die... Insanity perished the moment ya had said goodbye...

... hoon hujoom mein akela, jaise meri mayyat pe laga ho koi jamghat...

... shor-gul hai tanhaai, shayad laash pe deemak ne lagaya hai majmaa...

... like a termite infested corpse, am shouting a deafening silent cry...

... final futile try to escape the loneliness inside the coffin of a sly...




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... want my epitaph to read, "wasn't ever at peace; now resting forever in pieces"...

... pledged my eyes for donation when I was 12... 'n they have been waiting for over a quarter of a century now for me to honor the pledge... seriously, how lame am I in failing to keep my word... would want my dead body to be handed over to any nearest hospital, so that, if possible, they can extract all the organs that may yet be viable for a transplantation into another human... whatever remains of me after that must be fed to vultures... no burning, no burial... the body must be shredded to as many pieces as withered is my soul...

I won't ever know...

... naa-aashnaa mein habeeb dhoondta maahir ek deewana...
... mili nakaami, jab dosto mein ek ajnabi ko nahi pehchaana...

... zeal to find a friend in a group of random strangers is a blessing...
... failure to distinguish a stranger within the friends is a curse...

... cursed with a blessing; or have I been blessed with a curse... I won't ever know...

... an inane futility of an attempt... trying to decipher something which is always 'n forever indecipherable...

... munasib samjho mujhe zaleel; dhadkan mujh se zyada be-adab...

... chalta main dhadkanon ki wajeh; woh chalti hai par besabab...

... undoubtedly, I am a contemptible lewd slay...
... condemn me, humiliate me, kill me I say...

... but more than me, it's the heart which is insane...
... like an insult to injury; infinitely increasing the pain...

... am a dead man walking, playing game minus a play...
... in the pitfalls of darkness, far away from the day...

... wonder why the heart yet beats, sans any reason...
... making an incorrigible live despite the treason...

Less of an irony 'n perhaps more of a poetic justice... A dead man walking is asked to dig his own grave... After all, if he can walk, he can dig too...

... marghat mein sunayi deti koi pehchaani awaaz ho jaise...
... shor machati ajnabi dhadkane hai mere murdah dil ki...

I live ironically or is it ironic, that I live...

... har zarra hue khawab pe, saansien yun amavas chilaati hai...

... tere har zikr pe dhadkanne, kyun ab bhi diwali manati hai...

... ek sikke ke ho do pehlu jaise, ranjish mehngi aur pyaar sasta...

... amavas aur diwali mein bhi toh hai, gham aur masarrat ka rishta...

... faltering whilst seeking eternal sunshine in pitfall of darkness... ironic 'en that, Diwali is always a Moonless night...



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Happy Diwali...

ahal-e-jannat mein rahe azeez
siyaah dojakh se yeh duaa di hai

deewangi kaho ya samjho ibaadat
khud ko jala shamma roshan ki hai

wishing a fabulously blessed 'n blissful diwali to all the friends 'n strangers; may ya 'n ya'r loved ones be in gorgeously sane times 'n find the eternal affection sans any affliction.

always 'n forever!

consider this as a lone prayer of a forlorn atheist.

amen!




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R.I.P. Duddashri... (*I dug ya'r grave Dumbass*)...

... oh what an irony, faithless trusts the sanctity of savior's tyranny...

... a defiant heart beats obediently, one vain heartbeat but too many...

... muqaddar ke sitam ko samajh ke muqaddas, yeh majnoon dhadkane...

... ek khandar pe pehra deti ab bhi muqarrar, jaise dastuur ho koi...



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... in quest for answer of an inane question, many a times have I ripped apart the rainbow 'n it's shades of grays... futile, I say...

... kaise zinda hoon bina zindagi, ek sawaaliyah nishaan hai...

... har sawaal ka jawaab ho, yeh tamanna bhi toh muhaal hai...




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am too cheap... dime a dozen insanity that I am...

.. of all that I lost to destiny, had to pay the cost only once for everything that carried a cost; but am paying the price every moment for something that was priceless... 


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... khawabon mein dekha ek rehnumaa jo laga apna... ... neend khuli toh khud ke liye main ajnabi ban gaya...

... Ya'r lucky if the deafening sounds ya hear are of firecrackers...

... Ya'r loki if the deafening sounds ya hear are of heartbeats...



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... aankhon ki tarah meri, khushk yun aasmaan... saansien kyun na hui, meri tarah beimaan...

... love wasn't ever just another four letter word for me... loved my friends, loved hanging out, loved the world... 'n despite the realizations/revelations from soulmates/strangers, wish love never becomes as meaningless as I am... yet I now consider "I love ya" to be a big joke... ain't sure if it's a good farce or a bad one... it would have helped if I had a sense of humor to appreciate it...
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always 'n forever... or is it zilch 'n never...

... just as there ain't much to distinguish between a genius 'n an insanity, there is an ever disappearing line between a friend 'n a stranger too... not everything strangers do is strange; not everything friends do is friendly... it ain't strange when strangers become friends; it ain't friendly when friends become strangers... the one difference... only friends have the power to inflict hurt...



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Half glass empty; Half glass full...

... couldn't ever comprehend love; yet it was the only perspective I ever had, hoping it stayed until I went six feet under... wasn't meant to be, realizations/revelations 'n affections/afflictions later, I gave it up forever... boon as well as bane... since I don't have a mind, it's a big blessing that I don't carry a mindset either... the flip side is sans anything also means sans everything...
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ittefaq se mil bhi gaye toh gham kamm na honge... woh phir woh na honge, hum phir hum na honge...

finding ya was a divine absolution...
loosing maybe a blessing in disguise...
else faithless stayed oblivious twice...
crater of hell in a glimmer of paradise...

... aana tera taufiiq aur jaana khuda ki nemat...
... tere sadke do baar dekhi kaafir ne qayamat... 
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... want my epitaph to read... “unrestrained is now in restrain”...

... badastoor chalti saansien meri fursat mein...
... kashmakash sirf yehi, ab teri furqat mein...



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... sanity is a figment of insane imagination... har koi deewana hai yahan; sirf vajeh judah hai...

________________________________________

... thoda tha main, par mukammal ishq ne banaya mujhe sarfira...

... ab intehaa ho dard ki toh, uff ki jagah nikalta hai marhabaa...

________________________________________

... gurbat ki lagti hai yeh khudai jahan khuda na ho...

... kis se maangu main; dene wala aur bacha kaun hai...

________________________________________

... iss tarah behis gumraah hua main mukammal...

... jis raah bhi jaaon, tu hi tu nazar aati hai...

________________________________________
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Cheers to life; inane maybe, yet life it still is... !

... chalti jo dekhi meri saansien toh sayanoo ne phir thandi saans li...

... hairaan woh bole, shayad marne ke baad deewane ko jeena aa gaya...

... Lambi Umer Ho; Dukh Word Kabhi Pata Bhi Naa Chaley... Ameen!!

... qaatil ke aakhri vaar mein bhi shayad shamil kuch madhosh pyaar tha...

... nasha tootne par bhi uthte hai mere haath, toh sirf uski khair maange...


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... the difference between magic 'n miracle is faith...

... nahi hai taajjub mujhe ek rehnumaa galle lagg ke bhi ban gaya ajnabi...

... ho jaonga par bakhud gar kisi roz uss ajnabi ko main pehchaan na paaya...




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random were the prayers of an insane randomness...

... rooh ki chahat-e-janoon mein, iss kadar gumgashta hua deewana...

... marghat pe aake sayaano ne duaa ki, awaara rehta toh zinda hota... 

-------------------------------------------------------

... I didn't perish when the words changed their meaning; but when the prayers lost their essence...

-------------------------------------------------------
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Cheers!

... mukammal ehsaan hai maikhaano ke mere khaalipan pe, lekin...

... ehsaan-faraamoshi mein ham-dard ko hi khaali kiye ja raha hoon...


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Passion of love to fire of hell... An unforgettable journey...

... itni shiddat se chaha tujhe ke ab aisa lagta hai...

... aag dil ki bacha leta toh aasaan tha khaak hona...

... haqeeqat ban gayi ho afsaana woh bayaan karta hoon ...

... tamaashbeeno ko kehte sunna hai mujh mein bhi aag thi...


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R.I.P. Dudda Ass...

... I want my epitaph to read: "perished in anguish not 'coz he was forever faithless; but 'coz he had once dared to become a believer"...


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... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

In the heaven or even in a crater
surprisingly it never did matter
lazily kept strolling the meander
... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

Saw an angel from a distance
surely an epitome of brilliance
in admiration of the substance
... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

Oddities blended one somehow
intimate sans the why 'n how
the fractions became a galore
... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

Found similarities in the stark
the silence of trust could talk
evolving ever more by the clock
... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

Miles 'n miles of infinite smile
In lust 'n love, the senile 'n agile
an immortal bond yet was fragile
... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

In paradise too brews the trouble
impeccable, was it a mere bubble
indestructible, just another rubble
... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

Surreal marred with introspection
mind overpowering the sensation
quantum of infinity was moderation
... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

Appallingly elixir was a poison stiff
soulmate turned stranger in a tiff
pointed me towards edge of the cliff
... 'n 'en I walked a bit more...

... I walk no more... never ever again...



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... Love wasn't infinite... Hurt, but surely is...

... zakhm tamaam hai mujhe mukammal karne ke liye...

... mudaavaa kar liya to yakeenan aur bikhar jaonga...



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... this is what I have become to be...

... bikhra ek shaam toh zarron ko iss tarah behis milaya maine...

... ab gham mein muskurata hoon aur masarrat mein aah nikalti hai...



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wandering unflinchingly...

... bewafaa kaafir hoon phir bhi wafaa kar raha hoon khuda ki zidd se...

... bina dam bhi damaadam chale jaa raha hoon, manzil se dur aake...


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Fatal Confusion...

... iss qadar hangaama hua waqt ki betahaashaa raftaar mein...

... murdah dil mere paas raha; dhadkane main kahin bhool aaya...



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incompletely complete... or am I completely incomplete...

... jaahil hoon, na malum aabaadi mein barbaad hoon ya barbaadi mein aabaad...

... par dard ke maaanee samjha hoon main lafz ke maaanee badalne ke baad...



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Losing all that was mine... to someone who never was...

merrily I wandered in dark, until I saw a ray...

sure it appeared like the sunshine of an eternal day...

surreal or was I hallucinating, an atheist began to pray...

did I see God, or was this a game destiny wanted to play...

I took few familiar steps into an unknown domain...

was told there are joys to share along with the pain...

staking all, but aware, I wasn't meant to gain...

believing it a mirror, finding reflection in a pane...

parched desert hopelessly seeking it's share of rain...

sure wasn't meant to be yet I was up to the task...

incorrigible became vulnerable sans any mask...

ironically 'en it dawned was always in dusk...

insanely building a castle on a whiff of musk...

start till the end, what now seems a sour bargain...

losing all I had, yet not an iota I could reclaim...

loggerheads with Almighty, yes I take all the blame...

I wander, not so merrily, in dark, forever again...


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The rise... 'n the downfall...

... aks ke saath ka janoon bhi mukammal nasamjh tha meri tarah...

... judaa ho jayega shaam hogi jab, yeh soch khud ko jalaata raha...


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The fake that I am... starting right from my smile...

... tauba toh kar li hai maine ab bevajeh muskurane se yun...

... phir bhi kehkahe laga rahi hai haar pe zindagi, na jaane kyun...


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Breaking news...

... thoda gumm hoon ya zyada zaaya, mujhe apni khabar ka pata nahin...

... sayano se suna hai zehar ko chaashni samajhne ka gunehgaar hoon...
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Incorrigible 'n Ignorant...

... kuch aisa hai dastoor yahan sayaano ke taur tareeko ka...

... maarne ke baad kehte hai zinda hote tum to koi baat thi...



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Kuari Passed... I Failed...

... nasamajh jawaab hai meri tarah to kyun phir hairat ho...

... vaadii-o-kohasar mein goonjta farebi sawaal tha main...

The Kuari Pass trek was intended for some soul searching; neither the trek actually happened 'coz of bad weather nor did I find any sane perspective 'coz few pieces of the jigsaw are forever missing.

But it was fun 'n adventure; brought back memories 'n pics!

Cheers!
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See ya when I see ya...

Absolut x 3 Bottles.... Check

Dunhill x 2 Cartons.... Check

Nikon with 18~200.... Check

Believe that's all that I would be needing for the 7 day Kuari Pass Trek...

B'day wishes in advance to all those amazing people whose b'days I'd miss during this period... Have a rocking year 'n life ahead!

... 'n much thanks 'n apologies as 'n where applicable.
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FAD... (via ~ Alok Manaktala on email)

The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the "Heroin Addiction Department (HAD)," the "Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)" and the "Bingo Addiction Department (BAD)." 

Then she spotted the department she was looking for: "Facebook Addiction Department (FAD)."
 
It was the busiest department in the clinic, with about three dozen people filling the waiting room, most of them staring blankly into their Blackberries and iPhones. 

A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering, "I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows."
A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands, while a curly-haired woman comforted him.

"Don't worry. It'll be all right."
 
"I just don't understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy, but none of my friends even clicked the 'like' button."
 
"How long has it been?"
 
"Almost five minutes. That's like five months in the real world."
 
The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called, then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu, Facebook Addiction Counselor.

"Please have a seat, Edna," he said with a warm smile. "And tell me how it all started."
 
"Well, it's all my grandson's fault. He sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me, because I usually have my face in a book."
 
"How soon were you hooked?"
 
"Faster than you can say 'create a profile.' I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day -- and more times at night. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night to check it, just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India. My husband didn't like that. He said that friendship is a precious thing and should never be outsourced."
 
"What do you like most about Facebook?"

"It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world, I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674. I'm even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya."
 
"Who's he?"
 
"I don't know, but he's got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous."
 
"Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see."
 
"Oh yes. I've even connected with some of the gals from high school -- I still call them 'gals.' I hadn't heard from some of them in ages, so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who's retired, who's still working, and who's had some work done. I love browsing their photos and reading their updates. I know where they've been on vacation, which movies they've watched, and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under. I've also been playing a game with some of them."

"Let me guess. Farmville?"
 
"No, Mafia Wars. I'm a Hitman. No one messes with Edna."

"Wouldn't you rather meet some of your friends in person?"
 
"No, not really. It's so much easier on Facebook. We don't need to gussy ourselves up. We don't need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash. That's the best thing about Facebook -- you can't smell anyone. Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic. One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken, I'm pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration."
 
"What pic are you using?"
 
"Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic, but couldn't find one I really liked. So I decided to visit the local beauty salon."

"To make yourself look prettier?"
 
"No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there. That's what I'm using."
 
"Didn't your friends notice that you look different?"
 
"Some of them did, but I just told them I've been doing lots of yoga."
 
"When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?"
 
"I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: 'I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.'"
 
"What did you do?"
 
"What else? I unfriended him of course!"
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In a first, pacemaker fitted in brain helps cure OCD - The Times of India

In a rare first for Asia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) -- a medical condition that results in repetitive behaviour such as handwashing, counting, checking or cleaning -- has been treated with a pacemaker fitted in parts of the brain.

A team from VIMHANS in the capital has successfully implanted a pacemaker in the brain of an OCD patient, which has "significantly reduced her peculiarities in just two weeks time".

The team, including neurosurgeons Dr Alok Gupta and Dr Sanjeev Kumar and psychiatrist Dr Ashutosh Tripathi, used Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) to implant the pacemaker for sending electrical impulses to specific parts of the brain.

DBS, which has been used in select brain regions till now, has provided remarkable therapeutic benefits for disorders like such as Parkinson's and dystonia. However, it has been used for the first time to treat OCD.

" DBS involves precise stimulation of particular parts of the brain through the implantation of removable electrodes. Two electrodes have been wired to both sides of patient's brain (anterior limb of internal capsule) which communicate through the pacemaker, the battery of which has been put inside her chest. We can alter the function of any part of the brain by stimulating it. If stimulated with low frequency electrodes, the area starts to get excited. With high frequency, it blocks off the pathway and reduces symptoms. In her case, we used high frequency electrodes to block the pathway of the brain that was causing OCD," Dr Gupta explained.

The 48-year female patient had been suffering from OCD for the past 21 years.She had been living in constant fear of all kinds of touch, scared that any contact with her children or object would severely soil her hands.

Her condition had become so acute that she stopped eating or going to the toilet on her own. In fact, she would sit all day on the bed without touching anything, waiting for her children or husband to feed her or take her to the toilet.

To make matters worse, if she touched anything by mistake, she would wash it several times. Strangely, she would not turn off the tap even after using it.

"Two weeks since the implant, she has not just started eating on her own but is now completely independent," Dr Gupta added.

Though there are a number of medications and psychological therapies available to treat OCD, it is estimated that about 10% patients don't respond adequately to these first-line interventions.

"DBS is for those patients who don't respond to medication. Psychiatrists need to identify these patients before the brain pacemaker could be used. Besides, the price of this form of treatment is yet to be determined. DBS used for Parkinson's patients costs $8000 in India," Dr Gupta said.

DBS has several advantages over traditional brain surgery for OCD. It can be used to treat symptoms with little risk of permanent changes in the brain. The level of stimulation can be adjusted, and the stimulation can be used continuously or intermittently depending on the treatment plan.

Since the surgery is minimally invasive, it has a reduced potential for side effects.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/In-a-first-pacemaker-fitted-in-brain-helps-cure-OCD/articleshow/6555082.cms

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Masked Love...

... yeh judaa baat hai nahin pehchanta main yahan chehre pe lage chehro ko...

... par qayamat hogi agar bina baehroop ke koi aaye aur bole pehchana mujhe...

Emergency...

Me: It's an emergency with the heart 'n hope... heart was hit first, revive the heart now 'coz hope only started sinking on knowing that heart had been a casualty.

God: Sorry, can't do much for the heart, it's almost dead, will try to save the hope.

Me: No need, hope overheard ya say this 'n has died outta shock even before heart is dead.

God: R.I.P



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Struggle of an Atheist...

... rehnuma ne kaha asli ibaadat hoti hai aankhen band kar yahan...

... badi shiddat se thokar khayi toh rahbar ne poocha andhaa hai kya...

... maybe a thing or two...

God: Do ya believe ya know more than me that ya always question my actions...

Me: Nah! not really... except maybe a thing or two...

God: Nonsense! I know everything!

Me: OK, do ya know what hurt is...

God: Who can hurt me, I am Almighty, the creator!

Me: But I know what hurt is...

God: Err...

Me: It hurt now, didn't it...


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... A painful death... 86400 times a day... apparently I live still... or is it a still life...

... aise bhi imtehaan hote hain intehaa ke yahan har lamhaa ab...

... zakhmon pe hasna padta hai; marham pe hoti hai aankhen namm...


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The majestic brilliance of butterfly in sunshine...

... kuch aisa mukammal jalaal tha, tere husn kamaal ka...

... ehsaas khanjar ke aagaaz ka, mujhe anjaam ke baad chala...



..... pehchani shaam ki anjaani sard hawa ne apni zidd mein zindagi ki kitaab ke panne udda diye... kuch panne dhoond laya, kuch nahi mile... yaad to sab hai unn panno pe kya likha tha... par kitaab hamesha ki liye adhuri reh gayi...

Aaina...

... ek muddat ke baad aaina dekha to jaise phir khud ko yeh ehsaas hua...

... adhuri tasweer mein rang bharne ki khataa to Khuda ne bhi nahin ki...

so this is as complete as it gets...

wonder though if now I am incompletely complete or completely incomplete...
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I realise ... all that ya revealed...

... bey ilm hoon, par ehsaas hai ki hoon main yahan sayaano ke darmiyan...

... kahin yeh be-khudi na toot jaye, issi niyat se aaj shaam thodi aur pi hai...
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kya fasaana... kya haqeeqat...

... sajde mein jiske tamaam umer bhi lagti thi kabhi kamm...

... uss Ilaahi ki ibaadat se ab maine tauba kar li hai...
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I am what I am...

... am a walking manual of all that ya may wanna abhor...
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The fatal luck...

Ya'r lucky if ya draw three aces in a game of flash...

Ya'r loki if that particular game is a variation round where the smallest combination wins...

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... 'n this is what I've now become to be... an open wound with infinite pain...

... some hurts are like quicksand... the more I try to find my way out, the more it sucks me in... not much choice except to lay still till my journey's over...

Q & A...

... why am I an atheist isn't amongst the questions that I have for life; it is why was I ever a believer that I am seeking an answer to...

I want to find my way to ya'r memories; 'n lay there still...

.... I want my epitaph to read, “the credits may have rolled; but the story remains incomplete”...

... I no longer believe in love 'n soulmates yet I do appreciate the lessons learnt... Happy Teacher's Day to all who have given me invaluable lessons to take six feet under... am always 'n forever indebted...

... afsoos kyun ho mujhe agar meri ruswaayi mein tu shaamil hai...

... lazim hai yun to fareb bhi zindagi ki nasihat samajhne ke liye...

... trying to cover up a small hole by creating a humongous crater may seem to be like an impossible task for everyone else but not for me... apparently it helps that the hole is in my heart; 'n it's even more helpful that I am insane...

... saansien bhi nihayat besharam hai jaise meri tarah...

... judaa ho zindagi se yun be-kas chalti hai ab bevajeh...

... the emptiness 'n beyond...

... barbaad ishq mein andhe hone ka yakeenan hua yeh faayda...

... aaine mein apne aks ki viraani ab dekhni nahi padti...


------------------------------------------------------------------------------


... all my senses, including the sixth sense, are as lame as I am; I have to light up a cigarette to assess if the winds have changed directions...


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.. zikr mere sabr ka aaya mehfil mein
toh itminaan se sayaane bole...

... ruki zindagi ko thoda aur rokta hai
kaisa be-sabr deewana hai yeh...

Randomness...

... I want my epitaph to read ~ recalled over technical malfunction... was sans brains 'n 'en heart perished too...



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



... being careful of the thorns is mundane now... the real lesson of life lies in being wary of the roses...

... dard se bachna beshaq sikhaya tha kaanton ne...

... ranjish ki intehaa par phoolon ne samjhayee hai...


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


.... kuch barbaad hai yeh kambaqt dillaagi....

.... bekafan dafn hai apni hi taabuut mein....

.... sometimes in daze, I wonder if life somehow realizes that I am too numb now; 'n with every morrow, it reveals that life goes on, oblivious of anything 'n everything; probably it's too dumb anyhow....

.... akela viraan dekha jo maine ek sookha hua ziddi bargad....

.... ahsaas hua bahaar to hum dono ne dekhi thi ek saath....



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.... khuda se pehle ibaadat mein kabhi ek naam lete they mere labb....

.... kyun par purzor daarte hain Rabb ko bhi apna maanne mein woh ab....

.... kite runner lost in quest of a rainbow; kite, hues 'n the runner are all now torn....

.... atheism to faith 'n 'en to disbelief is a journey futile yet unending it remains on....






-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ironically... now even the irony of all that happened seems as empty as I am...

.... ek umer ke baad phir aaj qah qahe lagaye maine, jab uthaya paimaana....

.... ajnabi ki tanhaaai khatam kar khud khali tha, meri tarah woh bhi deewana....

someone said, "I can't pretend"... 'n she didn't... except for a whole relationship...

.... Ishq ka yeh manzar kyun dikhana zaroori tha tujhe....

.... Khuda se bekhauf; par ab saanson se haul hain mujhe....


************************************************************************


.... I stumbled 'n fell; echoing a silent cry of pain....

.... ought to get up, before I dream of walking again....

.... far from being par; am one who was dozen a dime...

.... lost in the haze, wasted as much I waste the time....

breaking news... nah... same 'ol shit...

.... khuda se lagi baazi ki taaza hai khabar yeh...

.... saansien jeet rahi hai; zindagi haar rahi hai....

the lame insanity...

am trying to delete a song...
but something's gone wrong...
plays in loop; system's gone rot...
more I run, the more I get caught...

Random... just like me...

.... seeking refuge in the calm of noise.... battling the clutter of silence.... completely incomplete or am I now incompletely complete...


.. it's craziness to stop believing people all around just 'coz of something someone did.. but I am insane; craziness 'n I are inseparable..


... the easiest way to judge me is sans facts... 'n perhaps that's also the only way.... (

Inane Query...

... Absolut queried, "why do ya passionately crave for me, are ya insane?"

I reasoned, "ya give me sanity"

Absolut smiled, "why don't ya realise that this sanity is momentary, is time barred, there isn't any sanity for ya which is forever; are ya dumb"

I confessed, "nah, had I been dumb, life would have been easy; I am numb 'n that's why it ain't easy"

@ mentions...

.... Ya'r Lucky if ya get an obituary....

.... Ya'r Loki if has only 1 word; "Goodbye"....

... limiting the infinite...

.... khali paimaane iss baat ke mukammal hai gavaah....

.... maikhaano se dushmani bhi dosto ki tarah nibhayi hai....

Cheers... wherever ya'r.... whoever ya were....

.... as I poured Absolut to a glass filled of ice, it struck me;

lovers melted in each other too, until a stranger struck me...

.... ya to deewana hanse ya woh, TU jise taufeeq de

warna iss duniya mein aake muskurata kaun hai....

... am so fucked up...

.... I am pathetic not 'coz I lost something that I never had.... but 'coz I am still unable to believe Goddesses could cheat too... (

.... a reflection that appeared surreal... actually was unreal...

.... jisse samjha tha ibaadat; woh shayad mere dimaag ka khalaa tha....

.... haatheli pe ghaav banna ke apni lakeerein badalne chala tha....

gaffe...

.... Dear God.... when I prayed to ya, “spin some more on a higher RPM”, I assumed ya were a DJ.... sorry, didn't know ya were a launderer.... I am dry 'n done now.... Cheers!....

... Repercussion...

... more than losing a lover, a best friend, a confidante, a soulmate, what disturbs me unending is that for the remaining crap of my life, I won't be trusting anyone now... I have lost the comfort of believing in par value... I have lost the ability to believe, per se... I have lost, per se...

a life too screwed...

.... the more I drink; the less drunk I get.... hopefully I'd be sans the hangover someday before I die..

yet the echo of "ya deserved it" is replaying in loop as much as the "I love ya" 'n "I can't imagine my life without ya" stuff ya loaded me....

pained awakening...

soya hi hua tha main yun bekhabar...

khawab tootne se dard hua, tab neend khuli...

kharaab hoon mukammal isliye zakhm bhi apne lagte hai...

theek ho gaya kahin; toh khud ko ajnabi bana lunga...

loved ya more than ya deserved...

... labalab bhar jaane pe jaam se bahar chalki sharaab toh samajh aaya...

... jaise maine kisi ek ajnabi pe uski intehaa se zyada aitbaar tha kiya...

Height of "oye Lucky; Loki oye"....

Ya'r lucky if a gal tells ya, "dil de diya hai , ab bill nahin dungi... "

Ya'r loki if ya get neither...

... the jerk who jerked got transformed into the fucker who got fucked...

an Absolut carefree shit with morals few

much as life fucked me, could fuck back too

'en I committed the cardinal mistake

gave more than I ever bothered to take

it ain't difficult to pin point the day I rue

when I trusted, "my life is incomplete without ya"

please don't ya ever fall for that crap

love is but another 4 letter word for a deceitful trap

it's sickeningly unbelievable that I am sinking; yet the reality isn't...

.... bikhri hai haqeeqat par nahin karta hoon gham....
.... aarzoo magar poori ho itni kamm se kamm....
.... gustakhi kar khuli aankhon se jo phir dekhun khawab....
.... uss gunah se pehle; aankhen ho band, nikle mera dum....

end of the beginning... or beginning of the end...

.... dhuan hue kuch pal zindagi ke to jaise aaya mujhe yaad....
.... kash maarna bhool gaya tha main, sutta jalane ke baad....
.... jitni baaki bachi hai, thoda dum bhar ke pee lunga....
.... jab tak pee raha hoon, mar lunga; khatam hogi to shayad jee lunga....


.... of all the dreams destiny made me lose to life....
.... some like easy puzzles; yet others were dilemma strife....
.... not all were important; neither was everything flimsy....
.... insanity lives; even if life is or isn't meant to be....

... until the day of reckoning...

.... boli zindagi, khuddaari se jee, kyun khudgarzo ke peeche marrta hai ....

.... mahashar ke roz, farebi sawaalo ka jawaab, khuda khud tay karta hai....

.... am hurt, but no longer bothered by what someone has done....

.... God knows surely, who lost fairly; 'n who deceptively won....

Koi kami nahi hai... Maa Badolat...

Prologue:

There aren't enough pages here or anywhere else to archive... but one can hazard a guess that the meanings got lost in translation... this is perhaps a subtle, but the only way to put it...

******************************************
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A lonely stretch... not a soul in sight, except the two of 'em at the accident spot...

A car, driven recklessly by a pretty young gal, had hit a reveler crossing the street, who admittedly was under the influence of Absolut. The reveler had been completely oblivious of the car coming his way since the street, after much deliberations in the past, had long been declared a permanent no-entry zone....

The scene was pretty gory... pretty 'n gory are an oxymoron but since everything else with the reveler has always been considered to be an oxymoron too, therefore the implication here isn't much ironical either...

The over speeding, out of control car had banged head on into the unsuspecting reveler. The resultant impact of which, the car had almost annihilated the reveler with both his arms getting absolutely mutilated under the wheels... not to add that since the reveler was known by all to carry his heart up the sleeve, the heart too got crushed in the impact... but that's the inane part... at the moment the story is about the mutilated arms and no other triviality...

The reveler was down in anguish... at a first look from far distant, certainly it would have appeared to the onlookers that the injured is dead or surely paralyzed... but as told earlier, there wasn't another soul in sight... a closer look revealed that apparently the reveler was yet alive as he writhed in pain... the writhing was the only known sign of life as the heart had been crushed too... sorry, my bad, still deviating to the inanes...

The gal, without bothering to get out of car, simply rolled down the window a bit and yelled, “Stop the cry of anguish, will ya... what is wrong with ya... ya'r alive 'n still have ya'r legs. That is more important than anything else...”

The reveler cried aloud in pain, “why did ya now drive down this street when it had already been declared safe for walking?”

The gal thought 'n said, “This is a short cut, I have to travel miles, ya see... in any case, no assurances last forever... now don't obstruct, get moving, will ya!”

The reveler was numbed, both by the infliction 'n the sheer callousness, “I am almost a vegetable... am disabled, will need time 'n care to get up”

This infuriated the gal, “I know ya'r doing this only to get trillion sympathies... is it going to solve ya'r problem... look at me, I am hurt too, am I crying... nah, I have to go miles with the smiles... Get a life, will ya”

Still smarting from the pain, the bemused reveler queried, “I am sorry, I didn't know ya got injured too, are ya ok?”

The gal calmly reverted, “no dumbass, I didn't suffer even a scratch, but look at the dent on the bonnet, my heart cries to see that mark on the impeccable sheen... I know ya bastard won't move anytime soon so I'll just reverse my car 'n take off... goodbye... 'n goodbye doesn't means farewell, if ever I see ya on this road again, I'll come back unannounced 'n kill ya for sure.... Loser!!!”

************************************************************************************

Epilogue:

The gal later was much relieved to find out that the car, despite the mess, emerged scratch less, the dent was only an iota of dirt, which the service station people were too happy to wash off for her... in gratitude, the gal prayed to God, “For a moment, I was shaken fearing the dent would ruin the beauty of my car... but thanks, the car is just like new... I'd come to temple all the subsequent tuesdays if ya will take care of my car, let it be immortal, unlike the jerk I had crushed”

The reveler walks now, 'coz walking is all he knows... but sans hands, is unable to work, to eat, to do anything.... except for walking like a dead man, a zombie... shocked 'n scared of another mishap, he now refuses to go down any street, any road, any path...

no balls, no guts; how does then a cheat handle the heat...

ya'r no butterfly in sunshine; why in love was I an insane dirt

I got ya happiness; ya slyly inflicted me the hurt

I kept my word, not swear; yet ya cheated in a way too curt

stabbed me; left no trail, now ya wanna walk the miles

I'd be sans the laughter; wickedly but ya hold on to smiles

Superman won't fly ever; if he knew Krypton was planet of lies

Who wants to be a Zillionaire...

Welcome to “Who wants to be a Zillionaire”; answer correctly the 15 questions 'n stay the winner for life....

Question 1: Were ya 'n I aware who we were 'n where we were without any pretensions whatsoever right from the beginning?

Answer 1: No

Question 2: Did I tell ya time 'n again, sometimes several times every second, how crazily I loved ya?

Answer 2: No

Question 3: Did ya assure me time 'n again, verbally 'n in writing, not to mention thru ya'r caressing touch 'n the glint of ya'r eyes, how much ya loved me too?

Answer 3: No

Question 4: Did ya 'n I ever tell each other that we are the perfect soulmates despite the obvious differences... something that we celebrated every moment but which was incomprehensible to everyone around us?

Answer 4: No

Question 5: Did ya ever tell me ya wanted to spend as much time with me as possible every day 'coz that is the best part of ya'r day?

Answer 5: No

Question 6: Did I sometimes endlessly waited over hours 'n days only to spend few minutes with ya believing each moment with ya was worth a lifetime?

Answer 6: No

Question 7: Did I allow ya to the innermost core of my heart where I won't allow anyone else ever again?

Answer 7: No

Question 8: Did ya confide in me ya'r deepest 'n darkest secrets which no-one else was aware of 'n none will ever be?

Answer 8: No

Question 9: Did I ever care for ya in health 'n sickness, in highs 'n lows, doing all that I could?

Answer 9: No

Question 10: Were ya ever worried that I was famished 'n ya made sure I ate something that ya had cooked especially for me?

Answer 10: No

Question 11: Were we comfortable sharing our food, our feelings, our desires, our dreams, our joys, our sorrows, our time, our honesty, our lies?

Answer 11: No

Question 12: Were ya 'n I able to intimately bare to each other, both the soul 'n the body, without any veil or dilemma?

Answer 12: No

Question 13: Did ya 'n I ever commit to each other sans any written agreement, 'coz promises could well go bust but the word of honor was meant to last always 'n forever?

Answer 13: No

Question 14: If the answers to all the above questions is a confirmed No, does it indicate we were in love 'n beyond?

Answer 14: No

Question 15: If the answers to all the above questions is an emphatic YES, does it confirm we were in love 'n beyond?

Answer 15: Yes... I mean No...

Question 16: Sorry, what?

Answer 16: See, for all ya know, ya may have well been hallucinating all along.... err... wait a minute, on second thoughts, I have a more plausible answer... ya don't have a mind 'n I do, whole world knows ya'r a self confessed insane... 'n ya have the heart 'n I don't, did I not confess it to ya the other day... so what's the big deal... I can change my mind 'n ya can change ya'r heart...

Question 17: How on earth will I ever change my heart?

Answer 17: I don't care... I am only playing this game 'n ya don't own me... I don't owe ya any further answers 'coz the 15 questions are over 'n done with... now apologize for wasting my time 'n scoot, I have work to do...

******************************************

Disclaimer: “Who wants to be a Zillionaire” is an absolutely fictitious game just like love, soulmates 'n other similar shit is... All those who have wasted precious time reading this, please stop wasting ya'r life... Get a life on ya'r own, no-one is ever gonna make ya a Zillionaire...

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Oye Lucky... Loki Oye...

.... ya'r lucky if ya have the switch to love 'n un-love....

.... ya'r loki if ya'r at the receiving end of that switch....

.... kaha tha tumne zindagi ke iss mod pe dur jaate ho kyun...
.... badle hai kya riwaaz jo tum chhorte ho mera haath....

.... bewafai par kamzor nikli hai tere pyaar ki tarah yun....
.... kambaqt saansein ab bhi wafaa se de rahi hai mera saath...

planned assault...

.... ya'r lucky if ya have noises in ya'r brain known as introspection....

.... ya'r loki if ya have noises in ya'r heart known as heartbeats...

.... itni khamoshi se kiya hai mere qatl ka iraada rehnuma ne....

.... ab dil ka dhadakna bhi lagta mujhe beganaa shor hai....

ain't no sunshine.... 'coz it wasn't a sunshine...

.... yun laga jaise unchi imaaraten
mere hisse ka suraj kha gayi....

.... hosh aaya to jaana andhere ne
pyaar mein andha tha kiya....

.... from Dudda to Dud.... no reasons... but a sorry is suffice...

... don't look for a soulmate... don't believe when someone says that ya'r one... it is just a poetic myth, a folklore, a fantasy.... affection to affliction is an inevitable avoidable journey... don't let the words, touch 'n eyes fool ya into the trap of immortal love or any such shit... unbelievable as it may still be, the irreplaceable invaluable can abysmally crash lower to the value of dime a dozen dud...

... bhar gaya agar to nishaan badsurat dikhega....
.... issi khayaal ke sadke zakhm ko noche jaa raha hoon main....

... chehre parh ke samajhne ki koshish yahan bekaar hai...
... mehsoos kiya yeh maine shabdo ke maayne badalne ke baad...

like a phoenix, I'd rise from the ashes.... but until 'en, it is my destiny to burn...

.... khawabon ki khaak ko sambhala jo maine dil mein uss shaam....

.... katil ko fikr hui mere gard haath daaman uss ka mailla na kar de....

Abused....

... “always 'n forever” is the second most abused phrase after “I love ya”.... everyone uses it everywhere without bothering to comprehend it even once...

A friend.... sorry, my bad... A stranger...

.... a stranger could well be the friend that ya haven't met as yet.... but a friend is surely a stranger that ya haven't realised as yet.... for whatever the fuck it is worth, have a happy friendship day / stranger day, as applicable.... take care....

Irony... or Poetic Justice...

.... kuch ajab yeh bekasii hai dil ke marne ke baad....

.... logg nabz meri dekh ke batate hai zinda ho abhi....

the part of me which could trust people has perished... I am dead, per se...

... over the last 37 years, the comfort in believing people on their face value was my zenith.... for the remaining life, the inability to trust anyone will prove to be my waterloo... not in a distant past, was told by someone that a part of her which had stopped believing people revived when I walked in... ironic 'en that my ability to trust people succumbed in the very same hands....

the cardinal sin...

.... bekaar darrta tha main, ghayal na kar de koi tezaab....

.... teri dawaa ka asar hai , ab mukammal hoon main barbaad...

how do i hurt ya my goddess... didn't ever... won't forever...

... shocked by the sanity of unsurpassed holier than all aura, the insanity is indeed smarting from the deceit, maybe it forever will the remaining life... won't get even; precisely why I remain the odd one out... no-one knows that the halo is hollow... the hurt is going to annihilate me for sure but yet I pray to absolve ya... always having wished the world for ya, I am unable to crash it by an act of vengeance...

I'll see ya at 7.... Muuaaaaaaah

rangeen hoti thi jahan har shaam saath...
guzra wahan se aaj thodi aur chott khane...

nahi maalum zyada kya chubha...
zarraa hue mere khawab ya farebi tere vaayde sayane...

will ya shed a tear or two when i die... or will that be too much to ask from a stranger...

God: accept the change or else will decimate ya..

Me: please decimate..

God: ya didn't get it, do ya wanna get eliminated or do ya accept the metamorphosis..

Me: please eliminate..

God: I changed the question!

Me: no, ya didn't.. even if ya did, am unable to change my answer..

God: why?

Me: I promised once that will die but won't change.. so be it..

Lame...

God: gimme a 4 letter synonym for lame?

Me: hope..

God (laughing): with all my manipulated play, was hoping ya to say love..

Me: yup, love too, but I betrayed ya'r hope as ya did mine..

God (angrily): I don't care!

Me: am aware ya don't, or else care too wouldn't have been another synonym; do ya know a 3 letter synonym for lame?

God: nah..

Me: God...

the final countdown...

.... too much introspection leads to annihilation.... so I am pretty much on my way....

shayad...

.... shayad meri raggo mein behti sharaab mein thoda khoon abhi baaki hai...

.... issi liye marne ke baad bhi marne ka janoon abhi baaki hai...

my wish list to God ji...

.... unsuccessful in finding the book called, "love to un-love; made simple".... get me a copy, will ya....

Rush....

.... don't wait for life to screw ya later.... trust someone with ya'r life now 'n get screwed sooner....

The selective truth...

a random request to come 'n share...
meeting of strangers, beginning to care...
the two oddities, yet one fine pair...
was it the truth, sure it was...

friends transforming into lovers one day...
the lovers become buddies to stay...
promises aplenty, vowing not to slay...
was it the truth, sure it was...

enjoying the tea, sharing the heart...
watching the movies, going to mart...
two lonely portions, becoming one part...
was it the truth, sure it was...

aware of troth yet kissing with dare...
intimacy grew, two equally keen player...
playing of souls, bodies going all bare...
was it the truth, sure it was...

saying too often, bonding is the reason...
always 'n forever, not just for a season...
yet revealing an unforeseen treason...
was it the truth, sure it was...

on every crack, smothering with a cry...
on every deceit, an answer too sly...
a ray of sunshine, really but a dark sky...
was it a truth, sure it was...

gaffe to believe mirror lies in a glass...
honor amongst thieves is now a pass...
the eternal love shredded to crass...
is it a truth, if no-one knows... sure it is...

the buddy that i knew... the stranger that ya were....

... ya feared I had zillion zones...
... I said maybe, but never for ya...
... assured me ya weren't a mask...
... 'n I trusted, like in love one would do...
... ya stabbed me in the head...
... ya stabbed me in the tail...
... ya stabbed me as I went pale...
... but ya go fly high all ya want...
... I won't disclose the cheater's tale... 

soulmates... always 'n forever...

... umar bhar ke zakhm bardaasht karke bhi main kuch sard tha.... tune marham laga ke nashtar chubhoya, toh mujhe dard hua....

ya were right dudette... ya didn't know if ya could still call it a love note...

.... ya'r lucky if ya get a love note.... ya'r loki if ya get it only for proof reading.... 

Dudda... R.I.P.

.... I want my epitaph to read.... “expired; serves him right, the ass didn't believe in expiry dates.... ”

woh ....

... woh aitbaar hi kya jo pal mein tasavvur phor de...
... woh pyaar hi kya jo mazboot ehsaas ko tod de...
... woh shamma hi kya jo roshan ho apne liye...
... woh parwaana hi kya jo jeene ke liye marna chod de...

Farewell to Kabhi Alvidaa Na Kehna...

.... when someone walks into the life, but rather than staying there for the life or even for a reason, plays out only for a season, it's better to accept the change of the season rather than aching to find out the reason over the remaining life....

masks all around...

... It was agony when a favorite mirror in which I forever found my reflection got shattered... but it was catastrophic to find out that it wasn't a mirror but just another glass 'n all along I had been seeing a stranger...


..... pehchani shaam ki anjaani sard hawa ne apni zidd mein zindagi ki kitaab ke panne udda diye... kuch panne dhoond laya, kuch nahi mile... yaad to sab hai unn panno pe kya likha tha... par kitaab hamesha ki liye adhuri reh gayi...

amazinglustlusciousness

.... nahi hoti hai hairat jab mausam ki tarah badalte hai log....

.... hairaan to tab hua jab khuda ko bhi dekha yahan maine badalte....


‎​can the half truth be any honest than a full lie...
marring mercilessly, always 'n forever what meant to be alive...
can selective rightness be any higher than an open deceit...
acting holier than all, but are just another masked cheat...

.... stark reality...

.... war is sometimes preferable than love.... not an iota of a chance someone could be faking in the war....

Realisation... Revelation...

L: Loathsome...
O: Obnoxious...
K: Knucklehead...
E: Eccentric...
S: Senseless...
H: Harrowing...

insaaf...

... tum peeth pe karo waar, phir kyun lagta mujhe kamm hai...

... maine ufff kar di agar, tum ko lagta magar yeh bhi sitam hai...

I like ya'r game but we have to change the rules now...

... enough has been discussed about the broken dreams, unfulfilled promises, lies, 'n deceit... let's play nightmares, shall we... the bigger picture in playing nightmares is that no-one would ever crib over a shattered nightmare.... 

.... silent screams.....

.. from an evening too mad, miles I have walked sans a song..

lonely 'n forsaken, but with a smile all along..

nothing ya said 'en made any sense..

oh ya were clear, there was no pretense..

destiny probably had a mind too wicked..

a joke where all but my humor was tricked..

am blind now, aware of a lost dream..

silent forever but the ashes scream..

dard hi dawaa hai...

.... insanely enough, on breaching the threshold of pain, the heartache of love itself becomes the sole path of salvation...

naseeb-e-jannat ke liye laazim hai fanaa hona.... dawaa bann ne ke liye zaroori hai dard ka toofan hona...

conversation with God ji...

...God ji said, “won't give ya a rainbow”

'n I said, “no worries, I'd make my own”...

... God ji said, “unlikely ya can create a perfect vibgyor”

'n I replied, “no worries, I'll manage with my imperfect grays”...

...God ji thundered, “I will take that away midway”

'n I said, “no worries, will try, will die but forever won't let it go”...

...God ji said, “ya'r insane”

'n I said, “now that's ya'r worry, not mine”...

love or defiance...

... an audacious broken ray resolves to defy the eternal sunshine.... heart 'n soul are immovable, always 'n forever shall remain mine.... 

I am what i am ...

.... am incorrigible as much by design as much as I am by choice.... 

let me not be one of those... who came a dozen a dime...

.... I am cheap.... I come dime a dozen.... but where would ya find one twelfth of a dime 'coz there aren't another 11 jerks like me....

tell me something....

.... everything's fair in love 'n war.... not a realization, nor is it a revelation.... but I do need to know if it's love or if it's war....

Face off...

... undoubtedly destiny can weave a web... but equally web can loop the destiny too... 'n that in all honesty is not a fabricated true lie...

Que Sera Sera...

.... anjaan hoon apne mustaqbil se, na malum anjaam kya hoga.... par jaanta hoon meri har saans rahegi ghulam teri, mujh se azaad hone tak....

.... losing my way amongst the puzzle of the things that are meant to be 'n those that aren't meant to be, I realise that ya'd be my Goddess, always 'n forever....

Goddess...

.... like a parched land devoid of the rains, I was never meant to witness a rainbow.... like a miracle ya came, 'n now I believe, in the desert, someday a river will flow....

... har pal ki dastaan...

.... hairaan hoon jannat ke fasaane kaise bayaan kar lete hai kuch log yahan....
kya suna di hai tune unko, tere pehlu mein beete, mere har pal ki daastan....

fursat...

... fursat na mili tujhe chahne se.... varna aarzoo to bahut thi awaargi ki...

fursat...

... fursat na mili tujhe chahne se.... varna aarzoo to bahut thi awaargi ki...

zikr...

haan sach hai, sabne sune hain iss mehfil mein charche dard ke... kuch aankhen bayaan kar gayi, kuch khamoshi ne ki hai baatein...

salvation....

deewane ko lagti hai jannat tujh mein shumaar...
har dua tu, hai tu hi parawar-digaar....
parwane ki bismillah hai shama mein....
kya faraq, agar mitt jaon main har baar....

the faith I live, ya'r my prayer too sane...
waning but finding salvation in the pain...
like a moth blessedly attracted to the flame....
die it will, alive but shall the dream remain...

Ishq...

.... bepanaah teri chahat mein jo manzar jannat ka hai naseeb hua.... ab aaqabat mein uss se, Khuda bhi kahan behtar mukaam dega....

... Twain...

.... I live as much in the dreams as much as God ji wants me to live in the reality.... so be it... for now, am maintaining the status quo between God ji 'n the incorrigible... but I absolutely intend to make the twains meet far too often that one day even God ji falters in distinguishing between the two...

... to keep a woman happy...

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy. One is to take her shopping. The rest is 69.... whoa... by that yardstick, I am a woman too... oops

ek shaam...

.... chahat teri panaah ki, yun ek shaam toofan aaya...

.... aarzu ab fanaa ki , toofan woh bhi na mukaam laya..

Toto...

.... fakat itna hi zikr tere husn ka hai mukammal.... Khuda bhi khud ko daad deta hai tujhe banane ke baad....

love ya my eternal sunshine....

doobta hoon teri aankhon ki gehraiyon mein main iss kadar....
tere alawa bhi hai koi Khuda, nahi jaanta, main hoon bekhabar....

I wish to savor every rise 'n dawn thru ya'r eyes....
ya'r the only God I believe, an atheist couldn't live otherwise....

... jannat...

.... khuda ne jab jannat banane ki aarzoo ki hogi....
.....yakeenan tera chehra uska sabab rahi hogi....

Insanity...

.... It's insane to let someone be ya'r dictionary when ya'r just a thesaurus to 'em.... on a separate note, I am an ISO 9002 certified insanity....

qayamat...

.... saath nibhane ke iqraar ko dafan kiya tune to gham nahin.... marne pe mere, agar kafan dene se inkaar kiya to bahut qayamat hogi....

Rabb...

zaaya parvaana samjho ya kaho gul-shudaa...
saudaii nahin, hoon main deewana juda...
mausam ki tarah badalte hai sayaane mazhab...
kaafir hoon iss liye nahin badal pata apna khuda...

khafaa khuda...

.... nahi janoon se anjaan, khafaa hai par ibaadat se meri.... uss se pehle naam tera leta hoon, yeh haar Khuda ko naagavaar hai...

tere bin...

.... mehsoos hota hai har hajoom ek sannaata bin tere.... dil ka khamosh dhadakna bhi ab lagta mujhe shor hai....

Love ya.... more than ya want me to.... more than i should....

I wish ya a life full of eternal hues, that ya lend some for the rainbow...
I wish ya always fly up so high, decimating the Everest peaks of snow...

I wish ya be blessed of ceaseless joy, sans ever a tear, laughters but infinite...
I wish ya an immeasurable glow in life, sunshine pales, never but ya so bright...

I wish ya get all that ya want, all that ya desire, everything that ya seek...
I wish ya success of permanent grant, nothing to obstruct, an incline safe 'n steep...

I wish ya stay the winner in life, never ever ya lose, enormously ya gain...
I wish ya never ever face a strife, always too happy, never an iota of pain...

I wish ya have surpluses for charity, appreciating the value, never the price...
I wish for ya the eternity, may ya forever be in a paradise...

I wish ya be a synonym of bliss, the only blessings that I send...
I wish ya my Goddess, have nothing amiss, I'd rise from ashes, if ya ever need a friend...

Love ya.... more than ya want me to... more than I should...

Love ya still... or was it a still love....

I still travel back to the immortal times which no longer are...

I still believe the three immortal words that went below par...

I still trust ya'r promise which died without trying, unwilling to go far...

I still believe in ya'r sunshine although dusk is all that seeps in my life ajar...

I still hope, yet aware that hope perished first, didn't wait till the end...

I still believe in destiny, despite it weaving an unsolicited bend...

I still believe the azure is blue, no longer but more than me...

I still believe deserts could cultivate one day, but I won't be there to see...

I still believe in love for it was meant to be always 'n forever ...

I still believe ya loved me when ya said ya did, or did ya never...

An answer I guess wouldn't ever know...
until I meet God six feet under whenever I go...