Answers men would love to give to women's questions...
;-)
No we can't be friends, I just want you for sex...
The dress doesn't make you look fat; you look fat because you eat too damn much...
You've got no chance of me calling you - EVER !
No, I won't be gentle; what's the fun in that ?
Of course you have to swallow...
Well yes actually, I do this all the time...
I hate all your stupid friends...
I have every intention of using you...And none of even speaking to you after tonight...
I'd much rather watch a porno than this sissy movie...
Eat it ??? Are you nuts ??? It took me three drinks to get up the courage to screw it...
Yes I mind waiting, very much...If you're not ready in 5 more minutes, forget it !
No, I would not rather talk than watch the game...
I don't care if you did spend all day cooking...This tastes terrible !
Your hair looks as good as it's ever gonna look; let's go !
No, I don't intend to do anything all day - it's Sunday, a day of rest...
Yeah, we're lost; so what, enjoy the scenery...
No, I don't really care that you didn't climax too...
Because it's a neat new tool...That's why I bought it.
No, I don't want to go shopping with you...not now; not ever !
Yes, I indeed was staring at that girl's boobs...
Sure I was flirting...She looks like she'd be good in bed...
Yes, I know exactly how long the game's been on...There's a clock right on the screen.
No, the "PlayBoy" channel wasn't included in the package; we pay extra for it.
Actually, I do find her a lot more attractive than you...
Yes, I do talk more than 5 minutes on the phone...Not with you however.
Because the more beer I drink, the less annoying you seem to be...
No, I don't think our marriage was a mistake; it was a disaster.
No, actually, I didn't miss you at all, it was rather peaceful in fact.
;-)
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
Bush
After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand-writing to let him know he is still alive and in the game.
Bush opened the letter as it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI.
So it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
"HELLO-ASSHOLE"
;-)
Bush opened the letter as it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI.
So it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
"HELLO-ASSHOLE"
;-)
Do you have the time...
A Lady asked a Sardar, "What's the time now?".
He replied "Bra Panties"
She slapped him hard and said, "I asked you the time".
Sardar said, "wahi to bataya ki 'BARAH PAINTEES' hue hain" ... < 12:35 >
;-)
He replied "Bra Panties"
She slapped him hard and said, "I asked you the time".
Sardar said, "wahi to bataya ki 'BARAH PAINTEES' hue hain" ... < 12:35 >
;-)
Monday, July 17, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Love...
I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me.
Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."
This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.
Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.
It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to learn...
Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."
This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.
Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.
It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to learn...
Why did Zidane hit Materazzi......
Zidane had the perfect reason to take out Materazzi......
Materazzi had the audacity to ask Zidane...
"Bhaiya, Hum Chlormint Kyun Khaate Hain"
;-)
Materazzi had the audacity to ask Zidane...
"Bhaiya, Hum Chlormint Kyun Khaate Hain"
;-)
Friday, July 14, 2006
The AQUARIUS Man
The AQUARIUS Man
Source: Linda Goodman's LOVE SIGNS
All this time the Guard was looking at her,
first through a telescope,
then through a microscope,
and then through an opera glass.
At last he said, "You're traveling the wrong way,"
and shut up the window...
To wade bravely smack dab into the center of the problem, don't expect an Aquarian male to behave the way people in love are supposed to behave. If you do, you're in for quite a jolt, maybe even a series of jolts. When it comes to friendship, he's all you could ask for in a pal or a confidant. Love? Well, as an Aquarian I once knew said, "Anybody can have a girl. But love is something else again." That was an astute observation. It's "something else," all right, with Aquarians.
It's when he acts as though he doesn't like you that he's close to being hooked, and the reason is elementary- simple logic. The Aquarian Water Bearer likes everybody. Everyone is his friend. He'll even refer to his worst enemy as "my friend." So it means something when he says he doesn't like someone. Just what it means may take some study. The various nuances can be complicated.
An Aquarian man doesn't want to reveal his true feelings, in spite of his favorite pastime of penetrating the feelings of others. His own reactions and motives are complex, and he intends to keep them that way for the pure pleasure of fooling you. Many strange experiences will come to this man, through both love and friendship, and he'll scrutinize each one avidly. Until you get him to the altar, you're just another experience, another experiment, hard as that may be to take. Don't sniffle. He can be tricked, for all his caution. But before you start tricking him, you'd better try to understand how to cope with his unique outlook about people.
He's a group man, and teamwork comes naturally to him. Aquarius understands the fair play rules of sports as if he had invented them, and he carries these rules into his personal relationships. His interests are scattered all over the place. That's because his love of people is so impersonal; he gives a certain value to everyone he meets, while the rest of us save such efforts for only the very special people in our lives. To an Aquarian, everyone is special. And I mean everyone. Even those he hasn't met yet. Few Uranus men are either selfish or petty. When he does show those qualities, a gentle reminder that he's being narrow-minded will bring him around. Aquarians just can't stand to be called narrow-minded.
He responds to unusually high ideals, thanks to his rigid moral code (though you'd better understand that it's his own code, which may not necessarily reflect or correspond to the one accepted by society in general). He'll almost surely lead a life of change, controversy and unexpected events. Yet there will often be moments of perfect tranquility with him, impossible to find with any other Sun sign. Once he's over the shock that he's allowed himself to become interested in one woman above all of mankind, he can be an extremely considerate lover. The danger area is before he's over the shock. Since he's so accustomed to neglecting his own problems in the interest of the majority, hopefully some of this attitude will rub off on his love life. Don't count on it, though. The chances are just as good that he'll suddenly realize he's devoting his complete loyalty to you when there are all those other nameless faces out there who need him. Then he may lean over backwards to prove to himself that he hasn't lost his love for his friends and the rest of humanity by being attached to just one person.
Forever analyzing, the Aquarian man will frequently ask himself, "I wonder what she meant by that?" He won't rest until he finds out either. Puzzles drive him simply wild and don’t be fooled by his nonchalance. When he senses something is hidden, he just won't sleep at night until he's unraveled the mystery and penetrated the veil. There's always the possibility that he might be disappointed in what he finds, so make sure it's worth discovering. If it isn't, he'll have no qualms about making it painfully evident-and off he'll go to unravel a new veil. The girl who wants to land him eventually has first to intrigue him. An open book will never pique his curiosity.
He's attracted to closed pages, the more tightly closed, the better to arouse his detective instinct. When a female either ignores him or keeps her own counsel, in the beginning at least, his eyes will open a little wider and he will get an alert expression, amazingly like that of a bloodhound on the scent of something missing. Why is she so emotional? (You can be emotional, you see, as long as you don't explain why.) Is she really so changeable or is it an act? Why does she wear all that perfume and make-up and such low-cut dresses, and then get insulted when those Leos and Sagittarians and Scorpios whistle at her in front of the drugstore? Does she want male advances or doesn't she? Is she a puritan or promiscuous?
What makes her tick? As he probes and questions and examines, the girl is at first flattered, naturally-but when she sees he's just as intently curious about the waitress who just served them (not to mention the bus boy), she begins to cool somewhat. Feeling like an insect trapped under a scientist's cold eye isn't exactly calculated to cause the heart to flutter in any feminine bosom. So she finally drifts (or runs) away to a more fiery or earthy male, and the Aquarian sadly sighs for an instant or two before he begins his next romantic investigation. (If some new invention or unique idea hasn't aroused his interest first. In which case the next female research project must wait.)
Aquarian men can be touchingly gentle and docile, but you'd better tie a bright blue electric string around your finger to remind you that his surface calmness is a mirage. So is his apparent pliability. He won't tolerate an ounce of opportunism from a female. If he thinks he's being exploited, that unpredictable Uranian charm can vanish so quickly you'll think Cary Grant has turned into James Cagney, poised to throw a grapefruit-half in your face. The frightening thing is that an extremely upset Aquarian is perfectly capable of such shocking action. What's even more frightening is that you may forgive him. Don't. At least, not more than once. He admires a woman who holds her ground, if she's not too masculine about it, and if she lets him fly hither and yon, unencumbered by mushy promises and tearful accusations. As for that grapefruit, it's only fair to point out that Aquarians are usually most gallant with the fair sex. But sometimes they can forget to distinguish between the sexes in the throes of excitement.
Couple that with the Uranus unpredictability, and it does add up to a possible squirt of grapefruit juice in the eye.
There's always an excellent possibility that an Aquarian will achieve some sort of prestige during his lifetime. If it's only a trophy for stickball or a brass plaque for being the tallest man in county he's sure to be honored with some kind of recognition. It could be something as splendid as winning the Nobel Prize. Lots of Aquarians achieve such distinctions. (On the other hand, a large percentage of disturbed Aquarians are weekly visitors to a head shrinks. It may be kind of tricky to tell the difference).
Some Uranus-ruled men have a fetish for cleanliness. You may bump into one who shrieks if anyone uses his towel or breathes on his oatmeal. Back of this is an almost neurotic fear of germs and illness. The Aquarian isn't above letting his phobias trail over into his romantic life, when they can serve a purpose, though he may do so unconsciously. Don't be surprised if he complains that he's allergic to your eye shadow and it makes him sneeze. Uranians have a way of developing allergies to things they'd rather avoid, and they can even fool the doctors, let alone innocent, unsuspecting girls.
He's not the type to woo you with extravagant gestures. He's as likely to pull up a dandelion and toss it at you as bring you an orchid. To be honest, more likely. He won't present you with mink coats and diamonds. But life with him can still be glamorous, even without the mink. There's the well-known story about Helen Hayes and her husband, Charles MacArthur. When they first met, he handed her a bowl of peanuts and said, "I wish they were emeralds." Many years and many dollars later, he gave her a cluster of glittering emeralds with the remark, "I wish they were peanuts." I don't know if MacArthur was an Aquarian, but Uranus was certainly prominent in his natal chart. That's exactly the kind of unexpected glory you'll know with an Aquarian lover. Who needs mink?
Now let's face the worst fact courageously. No flinching or wishful thinking. Here it is. Unlike Cancer, Capricorn, Leo and Libra, Aquarians don't take to marriage like a baby takes to candy. To be truthful, most of them avoid it as long as it's humanly possible. A rare Aquarian male will be enticed into a shower of shoes and rice at an early age, but it doesn't happen often enough for the statistics to be encouraging. The way the impasse usually starts is that the Aquarian makes beautiful, wonderful, glorious friendship the basis of the love. (Easier to slide away from later, my dear.) They choose a girl who's also a chum, and who can keep up with the Aquarian interests, including Tendulkar's batting average, crossword puzzles, Arabian horses, fireflies on the Mississippi and the Dead Sea Scrolls. Why? That's easy. With so much to talk about, there's less time for lovemaking, which can get him seriously involved and committed. His ideal is the female who is his friend, and who doesn't make heavy emotional demands on him. Where do we go from here? Nowhere, usually.
Aquarian men find it difficult to relax in physical expressions of love. That first goodnight kiss may be a long time materializing. Admittedly, it's often well worth waiting for, and the suspense makes it even more special. But he'll cling to the illusion that he's involved in a nice, safe platonic friendship long after such a palsy-walsy relationship has become impossible for you.
Even after he's mustered the courage to say, "I love you," he'll avoid the issue of marriage with every excuse in the book. When those run out, he can think up some pretty imaginative new ones. He'll patiently explain that he can't support you in the manner you deserve, his parents need him at home, or he's not good enough for you. If that doesn't work, he'll claim that the future is too uncertain, what with the threats of nuclear destruction and all. What if his boss sends him to Alaska next year? You might die of pneumonia up there, and he would be grief-stricken the rest of his life. You think he can't top that? One Aquarian man I know was engaged for twelve years to a girl he wouldn't marry because "she would have to sacrifice a great career on Broadway." The fact that the girl had never set foot on a stage in her life was beside the point. He thought she had talent. Someday, a producer might just discover her. Then how would she feel if he had held her back by marrying her? Worse yet, how would he feel? Guilty. Just plain selfish and guilty. It's not surprising that this poor female finally escaped to a more positive rival.
But all is not lost. Though it's true that most Aquarians wed late, they do eventually wed-usually. It normally happens after the last bachelor friend has sailed away to a Bermuda honeymoon, and the Aquarian wakes up to realize that here is a mystery other people have solved that he hasn't even investigated. Naturally, he can't stand that, so pop goes the proposal! Suddenly, of course. Uranus, you know.
In the early stages, you may think he needs a lesson and decide to let him think he's lost you to a more aggressive suitor. Let me warn you that you're likely to stay lost. Your broken-hearted Uranian is not nearly as apt to come charging after you with the fire of possession in his eye as he is to shed a couple of quiet tears and say, "Well, I guess the best man won." He'll resign himself to a life without you with insulting ease. He's even liable to ask the unbearable question, "Can't we still be friends?" If you say no emphatically, he'll probably just shrug dejectedly and slowly walk away. If you say yes well, you're right back where you started-friends.
Jealousy isn't his cup of tea. He'll trust you until you show him you can't be trusted. Not because he's trusting by nature, but because his analytical dissection has already satisfied him about your character. Unless there are marked afflictions in his natal chart, he's not capable of unfounded suspicion and possessiveness. If he does have a rare stab of jealousy, you'll never know it if he can help it. He will rarely, if ever, be physically unfaithful himself, mostly because the whole subject of sex, though it's interesting, doesn't consume him. An occasional Aquarian may spend a great deal of time intensely pondering sex, but if you know one of these, you can safely assume there's a heavy Scorpio influence in his natal chart. (And chances are even this type won't pursue it actively and openly.)
Once an Aquarian has chosen a mate, he figures he can concentrate on more important things. He can relax and investigate the boy-girl or man-woman relationship at his own leisure in his own private laboratory (which isn't a bad possibility for its eventual chance of success when you stop to think about it).
Uranian sex is part of a larger image or ideal. Should a temptation to engage in illicit romance arise (illicit in his eye that is), he'll usually end the affair abruptly, though it may hurt him deeply, rather than continue what he considers to be a dishonest relationship. The situation that made him feel guilty could be almost anything, from the disapproval of your parents or conflicting religions to an old boy friend not completely discarded, a promise he made to himself at the age of eight, or something he once read in a book. But whatever it is, it will somehow have to be adjusted and resolved before he'll ever renew the closeness, even if the love is as fated as that of Victoria and Albert. The Aquarian will always let his heart break silently, lest his friends hear and ask questions.
He's capable of waiting until he's ninety to claim you, even if you feel that's a bit long to wait for consummation. The worst of it is that he will never give a reason for the break. That's for him to know and you to find out. He'll perversely let you think it was just a fantasy from the beginning, and hold back the real truth that it was genuine for some hazy future day of forgiveness and reconciliation. It can be pretty cruel, but that's the way he plays the game.
Your only comfort is the knowledge that he's suffering in his own way, too. How will you know that? Read "How to Recognize Aquarius" again. He has his subtle ways of telegraphing his feelings, and they can be enormously frustrating; especially when his unique, private communication signals a green go light while he publicly keeps holding out a red stop light until he's ready to switch. It can make for some nasty romantic traffic snarls. It's hard on the pedestrian, but he's in the driver's seat, so there's not a lot you can do-except perhaps think up another mystery to tempt him with, or maybe shake him a little with some smashing success to make him curious to talk with you again-like being the first woman to orbit Venus.Not that such a feat will change his feelings. If he really loves you, he'll love you even if you don't orbit any farther than to the comer delicatessen, but it might interfere with his fixed strategy. You may gather from all this that a Uranus man can be pretty stubborn when it comes to love. You would be so right. His fixity in affectionate matters can drive you straight into the booby hatch or drive you to someone else in desperation. That's a big fat waste of time. He's not jealous, remember? Or he won't show it if he is. Besides, with his darned Uranian intuition, he'll know it's all an act. Because he knows what makes you tick. Don't forget, he studied you for a long time. About the only thing you can do is hope you'll still be attractive at ninety or else start practicing those Venus orbits.
Putting the shoe on the other foot, an Aquarian can arouse a heap of possessiveness in you when the tables are turned. Don't let it throw you off balance. Thanks to the everlasting Uranus proclivity for friendship, whenever and wherever he finds it, there may be times when you won't know where he is, even after you're married and you should. Just tell yourself that, no matter how late he sits up with a friend, it's only his normal curiosity at work, his never-ending interest in people. If the friend is a woman, pretend you didn't notice. In all honesty, he most likely didn't. You can expect the truth when you ask him a direct question. But if you doubt him and ask again, he'll figure you don't want the truth. To punish you, he'll make up the wildest story he can dream up (and he can dream up some pretty wild ones). You may regret your suspicions when you spend a few hours in abject misery wondering if he really did tell that redhead she was gorgeous. (That's after he told you he didn't even remember talking to her and you said, "Ha! I just bet you don't remember.") He honestly didn't, but you asked for details, so he gladly obliged with some purely imaginary ones to teach you a lesson. You'll learn fast.
Don't be hurt when he's in one of his solitary moods and prefers to be alone with his silent dreams. He'll return to share them with you, all the more warm and tender for his spiritual retreat and anything that warms him up should definitely be encouraged.
He may not be the best breadwinner around, but he's capable of inventing something beneficial to the world or being the first man to land on Mars. He'll feel right at home there, too. There's always a surprise just around the comer with an Aquarian husband, even when the budget is shaky. Naturally, there are a few Uranian men who are wealthy, even millionaires, but a high-income bracket is seldom a burning ambition. All the rich Aquarians you see probably stumbled on it. It's certain they didn't greedily grasp for it. If he has a fat bank book, the chances are it gained weight while he was attempting to improve some product or idea for the good of humanity in general-or he's saved it to support his eccentric old age. Who knows? He might want to take a trip in a time machine someday, and he wants to be sure to have the fare. Most of the time he'll be reasonable about money, but save when you can, and don't run up charge accounts. He'll never recover from sheer extravagance on your part. Sometimes he can surprise you with a burst of generosity, but he won't go overboard, unless he has an Aries, Leo, Sagittarius or Pisces ascendant. Even then, he won't be a big butter and egg man.
The children will find him the greatest listener on the block. He'll be fascinated at the perfect breath control of the wolf when he blew down the three little pigs' pad and curious about how the old witch pickled the poisoned apple that put the whammy on Snow White. A small boy's trouble learning how to strike a home run and a little girl's tears over a broken doll are simply the problems of a couple of pals in trouble to an Aquarian father. He's a whiz at complicated arithmetic questions, too.
Don't let your career make you neglect to feed him or sew on his buttons. Don't encourage your girl friends to camp on his couch or tie up the telephone for hours, and don't get engrossed in TV or a novel when he wants you to find his old soft ball in the attic or pull a splinter out of his finger. He married you for several reasons. Though romance may play its part, the most important reason was to have you around; so he would always have someone to mash his baked potato, cross-stitch his buttonholes, find his lost articles and operate on an occasional splinter. He won't to your letting television; reading or female chums interfere with those duties. His idea of a good wife and mother is quite simple: a woman who keeps at it almost constantly. Even the more liberal Aquarian husbands will frown on a glamorous gadabout. But you won't mind it too much. He's so full of interesting surprises himself you won't need soap operas, women's magazines and tete-a-tetes with girl friends to keep your mind and emotions challenged. (He may be about all the challenge you can take.) You can always catch up on the female gossip and such when he's engrossed in some new project and gets a little absent-minded about what you're doing. But just be sure to be there when he has a sore finger, because he can be a real sorehead when he's neglected.
Strangely, since he's so realistic about most things, the Aquarian will never forget his first love. (Not the first date, but the first girl who ever gave him a rainbow. There's a difference.) Uranians frequently marry childhood sweethearts years later, or cling to a faded illusion. An Aquarian can usually describe his first love in detail, which can be annoying to a wife. The solution is to be that first love. You may have to wait a long time to wear orange blossoms, but at least a ghost won’t replace you. Who else could turn peanuts into emeralds or vice versa, never mind a little grapefruit juice in the eye? Despite his general romantic clumsiness, he can come up with sudden phrases, which could only have been invented by the angels. He can forget your wedding anniversary, but he'll bring you violets in January. Christmas? Who says it has to be on December 25th? It can be any time you want it to be. He may go for days or weeks or months without a single word of romance or affection. Then some morning while you're slicing his blueberry pie, he'll look deep into your eyes and ask gently, "Do you know how beautiful you are?" There will be something about the way he says it that will make your knees weak.
Jingle bells on the seashore, birthdays at dawn. Valentine’s Day on Halloween, rainbows at midnight. Pin a red heart on an orange pumpkin, roll Easter eggs in the snow, light the candles on the cake on top of a Ferris wheel - you're in love with an Aquarian, didn't you know? I wish you a Frank Merriwell ending. But be careful. You can get lost out there in Wonderland.
Source: Linda Goodman's LOVE SIGNS
All this time the Guard was looking at her,
first through a telescope,
then through a microscope,
and then through an opera glass.
At last he said, "You're traveling the wrong way,"
and shut up the window...
To wade bravely smack dab into the center of the problem, don't expect an Aquarian male to behave the way people in love are supposed to behave. If you do, you're in for quite a jolt, maybe even a series of jolts. When it comes to friendship, he's all you could ask for in a pal or a confidant. Love? Well, as an Aquarian I once knew said, "Anybody can have a girl. But love is something else again." That was an astute observation. It's "something else," all right, with Aquarians.
It's when he acts as though he doesn't like you that he's close to being hooked, and the reason is elementary- simple logic. The Aquarian Water Bearer likes everybody. Everyone is his friend. He'll even refer to his worst enemy as "my friend." So it means something when he says he doesn't like someone. Just what it means may take some study. The various nuances can be complicated.
An Aquarian man doesn't want to reveal his true feelings, in spite of his favorite pastime of penetrating the feelings of others. His own reactions and motives are complex, and he intends to keep them that way for the pure pleasure of fooling you. Many strange experiences will come to this man, through both love and friendship, and he'll scrutinize each one avidly. Until you get him to the altar, you're just another experience, another experiment, hard as that may be to take. Don't sniffle. He can be tricked, for all his caution. But before you start tricking him, you'd better try to understand how to cope with his unique outlook about people.
He's a group man, and teamwork comes naturally to him. Aquarius understands the fair play rules of sports as if he had invented them, and he carries these rules into his personal relationships. His interests are scattered all over the place. That's because his love of people is so impersonal; he gives a certain value to everyone he meets, while the rest of us save such efforts for only the very special people in our lives. To an Aquarian, everyone is special. And I mean everyone. Even those he hasn't met yet. Few Uranus men are either selfish or petty. When he does show those qualities, a gentle reminder that he's being narrow-minded will bring him around. Aquarians just can't stand to be called narrow-minded.
He responds to unusually high ideals, thanks to his rigid moral code (though you'd better understand that it's his own code, which may not necessarily reflect or correspond to the one accepted by society in general). He'll almost surely lead a life of change, controversy and unexpected events. Yet there will often be moments of perfect tranquility with him, impossible to find with any other Sun sign. Once he's over the shock that he's allowed himself to become interested in one woman above all of mankind, he can be an extremely considerate lover. The danger area is before he's over the shock. Since he's so accustomed to neglecting his own problems in the interest of the majority, hopefully some of this attitude will rub off on his love life. Don't count on it, though. The chances are just as good that he'll suddenly realize he's devoting his complete loyalty to you when there are all those other nameless faces out there who need him. Then he may lean over backwards to prove to himself that he hasn't lost his love for his friends and the rest of humanity by being attached to just one person.
Forever analyzing, the Aquarian man will frequently ask himself, "I wonder what she meant by that?" He won't rest until he finds out either. Puzzles drive him simply wild and don’t be fooled by his nonchalance. When he senses something is hidden, he just won't sleep at night until he's unraveled the mystery and penetrated the veil. There's always the possibility that he might be disappointed in what he finds, so make sure it's worth discovering. If it isn't, he'll have no qualms about making it painfully evident-and off he'll go to unravel a new veil. The girl who wants to land him eventually has first to intrigue him. An open book will never pique his curiosity.
He's attracted to closed pages, the more tightly closed, the better to arouse his detective instinct. When a female either ignores him or keeps her own counsel, in the beginning at least, his eyes will open a little wider and he will get an alert expression, amazingly like that of a bloodhound on the scent of something missing. Why is she so emotional? (You can be emotional, you see, as long as you don't explain why.) Is she really so changeable or is it an act? Why does she wear all that perfume and make-up and such low-cut dresses, and then get insulted when those Leos and Sagittarians and Scorpios whistle at her in front of the drugstore? Does she want male advances or doesn't she? Is she a puritan or promiscuous?
What makes her tick? As he probes and questions and examines, the girl is at first flattered, naturally-but when she sees he's just as intently curious about the waitress who just served them (not to mention the bus boy), she begins to cool somewhat. Feeling like an insect trapped under a scientist's cold eye isn't exactly calculated to cause the heart to flutter in any feminine bosom. So she finally drifts (or runs) away to a more fiery or earthy male, and the Aquarian sadly sighs for an instant or two before he begins his next romantic investigation. (If some new invention or unique idea hasn't aroused his interest first. In which case the next female research project must wait.)
Aquarian men can be touchingly gentle and docile, but you'd better tie a bright blue electric string around your finger to remind you that his surface calmness is a mirage. So is his apparent pliability. He won't tolerate an ounce of opportunism from a female. If he thinks he's being exploited, that unpredictable Uranian charm can vanish so quickly you'll think Cary Grant has turned into James Cagney, poised to throw a grapefruit-half in your face. The frightening thing is that an extremely upset Aquarian is perfectly capable of such shocking action. What's even more frightening is that you may forgive him. Don't. At least, not more than once. He admires a woman who holds her ground, if she's not too masculine about it, and if she lets him fly hither and yon, unencumbered by mushy promises and tearful accusations. As for that grapefruit, it's only fair to point out that Aquarians are usually most gallant with the fair sex. But sometimes they can forget to distinguish between the sexes in the throes of excitement.
Couple that with the Uranus unpredictability, and it does add up to a possible squirt of grapefruit juice in the eye.
There's always an excellent possibility that an Aquarian will achieve some sort of prestige during his lifetime. If it's only a trophy for stickball or a brass plaque for being the tallest man in county he's sure to be honored with some kind of recognition. It could be something as splendid as winning the Nobel Prize. Lots of Aquarians achieve such distinctions. (On the other hand, a large percentage of disturbed Aquarians are weekly visitors to a head shrinks. It may be kind of tricky to tell the difference).
Some Uranus-ruled men have a fetish for cleanliness. You may bump into one who shrieks if anyone uses his towel or breathes on his oatmeal. Back of this is an almost neurotic fear of germs and illness. The Aquarian isn't above letting his phobias trail over into his romantic life, when they can serve a purpose, though he may do so unconsciously. Don't be surprised if he complains that he's allergic to your eye shadow and it makes him sneeze. Uranians have a way of developing allergies to things they'd rather avoid, and they can even fool the doctors, let alone innocent, unsuspecting girls.
He's not the type to woo you with extravagant gestures. He's as likely to pull up a dandelion and toss it at you as bring you an orchid. To be honest, more likely. He won't present you with mink coats and diamonds. But life with him can still be glamorous, even without the mink. There's the well-known story about Helen Hayes and her husband, Charles MacArthur. When they first met, he handed her a bowl of peanuts and said, "I wish they were emeralds." Many years and many dollars later, he gave her a cluster of glittering emeralds with the remark, "I wish they were peanuts." I don't know if MacArthur was an Aquarian, but Uranus was certainly prominent in his natal chart. That's exactly the kind of unexpected glory you'll know with an Aquarian lover. Who needs mink?
Now let's face the worst fact courageously. No flinching or wishful thinking. Here it is. Unlike Cancer, Capricorn, Leo and Libra, Aquarians don't take to marriage like a baby takes to candy. To be truthful, most of them avoid it as long as it's humanly possible. A rare Aquarian male will be enticed into a shower of shoes and rice at an early age, but it doesn't happen often enough for the statistics to be encouraging. The way the impasse usually starts is that the Aquarian makes beautiful, wonderful, glorious friendship the basis of the love. (Easier to slide away from later, my dear.) They choose a girl who's also a chum, and who can keep up with the Aquarian interests, including Tendulkar's batting average, crossword puzzles, Arabian horses, fireflies on the Mississippi and the Dead Sea Scrolls. Why? That's easy. With so much to talk about, there's less time for lovemaking, which can get him seriously involved and committed. His ideal is the female who is his friend, and who doesn't make heavy emotional demands on him. Where do we go from here? Nowhere, usually.
Aquarian men find it difficult to relax in physical expressions of love. That first goodnight kiss may be a long time materializing. Admittedly, it's often well worth waiting for, and the suspense makes it even more special. But he'll cling to the illusion that he's involved in a nice, safe platonic friendship long after such a palsy-walsy relationship has become impossible for you.
Even after he's mustered the courage to say, "I love you," he'll avoid the issue of marriage with every excuse in the book. When those run out, he can think up some pretty imaginative new ones. He'll patiently explain that he can't support you in the manner you deserve, his parents need him at home, or he's not good enough for you. If that doesn't work, he'll claim that the future is too uncertain, what with the threats of nuclear destruction and all. What if his boss sends him to Alaska next year? You might die of pneumonia up there, and he would be grief-stricken the rest of his life. You think he can't top that? One Aquarian man I know was engaged for twelve years to a girl he wouldn't marry because "she would have to sacrifice a great career on Broadway." The fact that the girl had never set foot on a stage in her life was beside the point. He thought she had talent. Someday, a producer might just discover her. Then how would she feel if he had held her back by marrying her? Worse yet, how would he feel? Guilty. Just plain selfish and guilty. It's not surprising that this poor female finally escaped to a more positive rival.
But all is not lost. Though it's true that most Aquarians wed late, they do eventually wed-usually. It normally happens after the last bachelor friend has sailed away to a Bermuda honeymoon, and the Aquarian wakes up to realize that here is a mystery other people have solved that he hasn't even investigated. Naturally, he can't stand that, so pop goes the proposal! Suddenly, of course. Uranus, you know.
In the early stages, you may think he needs a lesson and decide to let him think he's lost you to a more aggressive suitor. Let me warn you that you're likely to stay lost. Your broken-hearted Uranian is not nearly as apt to come charging after you with the fire of possession in his eye as he is to shed a couple of quiet tears and say, "Well, I guess the best man won." He'll resign himself to a life without you with insulting ease. He's even liable to ask the unbearable question, "Can't we still be friends?" If you say no emphatically, he'll probably just shrug dejectedly and slowly walk away. If you say yes well, you're right back where you started-friends.
Jealousy isn't his cup of tea. He'll trust you until you show him you can't be trusted. Not because he's trusting by nature, but because his analytical dissection has already satisfied him about your character. Unless there are marked afflictions in his natal chart, he's not capable of unfounded suspicion and possessiveness. If he does have a rare stab of jealousy, you'll never know it if he can help it. He will rarely, if ever, be physically unfaithful himself, mostly because the whole subject of sex, though it's interesting, doesn't consume him. An occasional Aquarian may spend a great deal of time intensely pondering sex, but if you know one of these, you can safely assume there's a heavy Scorpio influence in his natal chart. (And chances are even this type won't pursue it actively and openly.)
Once an Aquarian has chosen a mate, he figures he can concentrate on more important things. He can relax and investigate the boy-girl or man-woman relationship at his own leisure in his own private laboratory (which isn't a bad possibility for its eventual chance of success when you stop to think about it).
Uranian sex is part of a larger image or ideal. Should a temptation to engage in illicit romance arise (illicit in his eye that is), he'll usually end the affair abruptly, though it may hurt him deeply, rather than continue what he considers to be a dishonest relationship. The situation that made him feel guilty could be almost anything, from the disapproval of your parents or conflicting religions to an old boy friend not completely discarded, a promise he made to himself at the age of eight, or something he once read in a book. But whatever it is, it will somehow have to be adjusted and resolved before he'll ever renew the closeness, even if the love is as fated as that of Victoria and Albert. The Aquarian will always let his heart break silently, lest his friends hear and ask questions.
He's capable of waiting until he's ninety to claim you, even if you feel that's a bit long to wait for consummation. The worst of it is that he will never give a reason for the break. That's for him to know and you to find out. He'll perversely let you think it was just a fantasy from the beginning, and hold back the real truth that it was genuine for some hazy future day of forgiveness and reconciliation. It can be pretty cruel, but that's the way he plays the game.
Your only comfort is the knowledge that he's suffering in his own way, too. How will you know that? Read "How to Recognize Aquarius" again. He has his subtle ways of telegraphing his feelings, and they can be enormously frustrating; especially when his unique, private communication signals a green go light while he publicly keeps holding out a red stop light until he's ready to switch. It can make for some nasty romantic traffic snarls. It's hard on the pedestrian, but he's in the driver's seat, so there's not a lot you can do-except perhaps think up another mystery to tempt him with, or maybe shake him a little with some smashing success to make him curious to talk with you again-like being the first woman to orbit Venus.Not that such a feat will change his feelings. If he really loves you, he'll love you even if you don't orbit any farther than to the comer delicatessen, but it might interfere with his fixed strategy. You may gather from all this that a Uranus man can be pretty stubborn when it comes to love. You would be so right. His fixity in affectionate matters can drive you straight into the booby hatch or drive you to someone else in desperation. That's a big fat waste of time. He's not jealous, remember? Or he won't show it if he is. Besides, with his darned Uranian intuition, he'll know it's all an act. Because he knows what makes you tick. Don't forget, he studied you for a long time. About the only thing you can do is hope you'll still be attractive at ninety or else start practicing those Venus orbits.
Putting the shoe on the other foot, an Aquarian can arouse a heap of possessiveness in you when the tables are turned. Don't let it throw you off balance. Thanks to the everlasting Uranus proclivity for friendship, whenever and wherever he finds it, there may be times when you won't know where he is, even after you're married and you should. Just tell yourself that, no matter how late he sits up with a friend, it's only his normal curiosity at work, his never-ending interest in people. If the friend is a woman, pretend you didn't notice. In all honesty, he most likely didn't. You can expect the truth when you ask him a direct question. But if you doubt him and ask again, he'll figure you don't want the truth. To punish you, he'll make up the wildest story he can dream up (and he can dream up some pretty wild ones). You may regret your suspicions when you spend a few hours in abject misery wondering if he really did tell that redhead she was gorgeous. (That's after he told you he didn't even remember talking to her and you said, "Ha! I just bet you don't remember.") He honestly didn't, but you asked for details, so he gladly obliged with some purely imaginary ones to teach you a lesson. You'll learn fast.
Don't be hurt when he's in one of his solitary moods and prefers to be alone with his silent dreams. He'll return to share them with you, all the more warm and tender for his spiritual retreat and anything that warms him up should definitely be encouraged.
He may not be the best breadwinner around, but he's capable of inventing something beneficial to the world or being the first man to land on Mars. He'll feel right at home there, too. There's always a surprise just around the comer with an Aquarian husband, even when the budget is shaky. Naturally, there are a few Uranian men who are wealthy, even millionaires, but a high-income bracket is seldom a burning ambition. All the rich Aquarians you see probably stumbled on it. It's certain they didn't greedily grasp for it. If he has a fat bank book, the chances are it gained weight while he was attempting to improve some product or idea for the good of humanity in general-or he's saved it to support his eccentric old age. Who knows? He might want to take a trip in a time machine someday, and he wants to be sure to have the fare. Most of the time he'll be reasonable about money, but save when you can, and don't run up charge accounts. He'll never recover from sheer extravagance on your part. Sometimes he can surprise you with a burst of generosity, but he won't go overboard, unless he has an Aries, Leo, Sagittarius or Pisces ascendant. Even then, he won't be a big butter and egg man.
The children will find him the greatest listener on the block. He'll be fascinated at the perfect breath control of the wolf when he blew down the three little pigs' pad and curious about how the old witch pickled the poisoned apple that put the whammy on Snow White. A small boy's trouble learning how to strike a home run and a little girl's tears over a broken doll are simply the problems of a couple of pals in trouble to an Aquarian father. He's a whiz at complicated arithmetic questions, too.
Don't let your career make you neglect to feed him or sew on his buttons. Don't encourage your girl friends to camp on his couch or tie up the telephone for hours, and don't get engrossed in TV or a novel when he wants you to find his old soft ball in the attic or pull a splinter out of his finger. He married you for several reasons. Though romance may play its part, the most important reason was to have you around; so he would always have someone to mash his baked potato, cross-stitch his buttonholes, find his lost articles and operate on an occasional splinter. He won't to your letting television; reading or female chums interfere with those duties. His idea of a good wife and mother is quite simple: a woman who keeps at it almost constantly. Even the more liberal Aquarian husbands will frown on a glamorous gadabout. But you won't mind it too much. He's so full of interesting surprises himself you won't need soap operas, women's magazines and tete-a-tetes with girl friends to keep your mind and emotions challenged. (He may be about all the challenge you can take.) You can always catch up on the female gossip and such when he's engrossed in some new project and gets a little absent-minded about what you're doing. But just be sure to be there when he has a sore finger, because he can be a real sorehead when he's neglected.
Strangely, since he's so realistic about most things, the Aquarian will never forget his first love. (Not the first date, but the first girl who ever gave him a rainbow. There's a difference.) Uranians frequently marry childhood sweethearts years later, or cling to a faded illusion. An Aquarian can usually describe his first love in detail, which can be annoying to a wife. The solution is to be that first love. You may have to wait a long time to wear orange blossoms, but at least a ghost won’t replace you. Who else could turn peanuts into emeralds or vice versa, never mind a little grapefruit juice in the eye? Despite his general romantic clumsiness, he can come up with sudden phrases, which could only have been invented by the angels. He can forget your wedding anniversary, but he'll bring you violets in January. Christmas? Who says it has to be on December 25th? It can be any time you want it to be. He may go for days or weeks or months without a single word of romance or affection. Then some morning while you're slicing his blueberry pie, he'll look deep into your eyes and ask gently, "Do you know how beautiful you are?" There will be something about the way he says it that will make your knees weak.
Jingle bells on the seashore, birthdays at dawn. Valentine’s Day on Halloween, rainbows at midnight. Pin a red heart on an orange pumpkin, roll Easter eggs in the snow, light the candles on the cake on top of a Ferris wheel - you're in love with an Aquarian, didn't you know? I wish you a Frank Merriwell ending. But be careful. You can get lost out there in Wonderland.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
How to recognize an Aquarian...
How to Recognize AQUARIUS... Source: Linda Goodman's "SUN SIGNS"
"In spring, when woods are getting green, I'll try and tell you what I mean:
In summer, when the days are long, Perhaps you'll understand the song.'"
"For this must ever be A secret
Kept from all the rest between yourself and me."
Lots of people like rainbows. Children make wishes on them, artists paint them, dreamers chase them, but the Aquarian is ahead of everybody. He lives on one. What's more, he's taken it apart and examined it, piece by piece, color by color, and he still believes in it. It isn't easy to believe in something after you know what it's really like, but the Aquarian is essentially a realist, even though his address is tomorrow, with a wild-blue-yonder zip code.
Like the bewildered Alice, taken through the maze of Wonderland by Aquarian Lewis Carroll, you'll have to be constantly prepared for the unexpected with Uranians. Generally kindly and tranquil by nature, Aquarians nevertheless enjoy defying public opinion and they secretly delight in shocking more conventional people with occasional erratic conduct. These normally soft-spoken and courteous souls can suddenly short-circuit you with the most amazing statements and actions at the most unpredictable times. The typical Uranian is half Albert Schweitzer and half Mickey Mouse. His feet can be wearing sandals, boots, oxfords, or hush puppies, and he'll seldom bother to check whether they're appropriate for the occasion. He'll show up barefoot if he feels like it, and laugh at you for laughing at him. Aquarians often deliberately adopt weird attire to show their refusal to conform.
You can often recognize people born under this fixed, air sign by their frequent use of the word friend, Aquarian Franklin Roosevelt's fireside chats invariably began with, "My friends . . ." and the typical Uranus question after a broken romance is, "Can't we still be friends?" Aquarius is neither jaded nor naive, neither enthusiastic nor blase. Continuous experimentation simply leaves him curious to penetrate the next mystery, and the next mystery could be you. That person, who seems to be either a million miles away mentally, or else dissecting you under an invisible microscope, is probably an Aquarian. It can be disconcerting to discover, after all his intense curiosity, that he's just as deeply interested in the personal lives of the corner policeman, the bartender, the bellboy, the night club singer or the inmates of the funny house as he is in yours.
Politics fascinate him, sports absorb him and children intrigue him. But then so do horses, automobiles, elderly people, medical discoveries, authors, astronauts, alcoholics, pianos, pinwheels and prayers-not to mention baseball and Louis Armstrong. Join the crowd and toss your ego in the wastebasket, or his coolly impersonal approach will be sure to bruise it.
Look for a strange, faraway look in the eyes, as if they contained some kind of magic, mysterious knowledge you can't penetrate. Aquarius eyes are typically vague, with a dreamy, wandering expression, and often (but not always) blue, green or gray. The hair is frequently straight and silky, likely to be blonde, sandy or light brown; the complexion is pale and the height is usually taller than average (though the ascendant can modify the appearance of any Sun sign). You'll notice a marked nobility of profile. Uranus features are finely chiseled, suggestive of Roman emperors cut on old gold coins. True Aquarians will often adopt the pose of the drooping head when they're thinking about a problem, or just after they've asked a question. The head drops abruptly forward, or cocks to one side, waiting for your reaction. Curiously, thanks to the dual sexuality of Uranus, there are often feminine characteristics in the male bodies, such as broad hips, for example-and masculine characteristics in the female body, such as broad shoulders.
Freedom-loving Uranians can be acutely funny, perverse, original, conceited and independent, but they can also be diplomatic, gentle, sympathetic and timid. The Aquarian will almost desperately seek the security of crowds and saturate himself with friendship. Then he will fall into a gloomy, morose spell of loneliness, and would want to be strictly left alone. But whether he's mingling or singling, he'll retain his sharp perception, which is at once both deeper and quicker than others are. Uranus makes him a natural rebel who instinctively feels that all old customs are wrong and that drastic alteration and revolutionary change is what the world and people need (although if he's in politics, he's clever enough not to broadcast his views prematurely and spoil his strategy).
To this end, Aquarians are always analyzing situations, friends and strangers. It can be disturbing when they start asking pointblank questions, with a bare minimum of tact, as they probe into the heart of your private feelings. When they discover the puzzle wasn't so complex after all, they become bored, sometimes even upset. Nothing is more insulting than to have an Aquarian get tired of his game of microscopic examination and turn to the next interesting person, just when he's convinced you he thinks you are the most important human being on earth. It stings.
Despite their fixation on friendship, Aquarians don't have many intimates. They seek quantity rather than quality in their associations, and they seldom settle down to a steady relationship for more than a limited period. There's too much to discover around the next comer to remain tied to one or two friendships exclusively. It does little good to make an emotional appeal to such an impersonal nature, but if you touch the heart of an Aquarian (which is not the same thing as mere emotion), he'll usually get off his bicycle and come back to see what he might have missed.
A peculiar sort of isolation hangs over the Uranian, and mankind often misunderstands him. That's because mankind hasn't yet caught up with the Aquarian Utopia. Since the water bearer lives in the future, coming back only briefly to the present, he can seem just plain pixilated to more mundane souls. He senses this, and it deepens his sense of isolation. But just because others can't keep up with him is no reason in his opinion to go backwards. So he wanders among his lonely clouds, while we mere mortals wonder what he's doing way out there. Astrology teaches us that "As the Aquarian thinks, so will the world think in fifty years." That may be true, but it certainly doesn't narrow the gap between the Uranus-ruled and the rest of us today.
This Sun sign is known as the sign of genius, and so it is, since over seventy percent of the people in the Hall of Fame are either Sun Aquarians or have Aquarian ascendants. On the other hand, a substantially high percentage of those confined in mental institutions, or who drop in for regular couch sessions with an analyst, are also Aquarians. There's a fine line, they say, between genius and insanity, and your Uranian friends can sometimes make you wonder which side of the line they're on. A great deal of the confusion is due to man's tendency to belittle his prophets. The familiar quotes that "they laughed at Fulton and his steamboat," "they thought Edison was mentally retarded," and "they wanted to lock up Louis Pasteur," are examples of the attitude of the materialistic world toward those whose senses are tuned to higher spheres of thought.
Uranians are a curious mixture of cold, practicality and eccentric instability, and they seem to have an instinctive empathy with the mentally disturbed. It's a curious fact that almost any Aquarian can substantially reduce the anxiety of the insane simply by talking to them quietly. He has a marvelous knack for calming hysterical people and soothing frightened children. Is it because of his own thinly covered, highly acute nervous system that he has such deep understanding?
The Aquarian outlook is so broad that you’ll seldom find one, who is prejudiced, unless there are severe planetary influences in the natal chart. Even then, he'll be deeply shocked when his prejudice is pointed out. The brotherhood instinct is so strong in him that when a rare Aquarian is guilty of being intolerant, he's not only unaware of it, he hates the label. Ordinarily, everyone is his brother or sister. He'll wander through affluent society and the slums alike with his symbolic jar, gathering the waters of knowledge and pouring them out again, except for those occasional lapses into hibernation. But his hiding put periods seldom last long, and before you get a chance to miss him the Uranian is back gregariously making the rounds again. Don't try to interrupt his solitude. When he wants to be alone, he wants to be alone, but he hasn't retired from the mainstream permanently, even if he does take a sudden Uranus notion to get an unlisted phone number. His address hasn't changed, and neither has he. He can never renounce people for long. Ignore him and he'll soon be walking around town on those homemade stilts, as alert and inquisitive as ever.
Ordinarily, it's difficult to get an Aquarian to make a precise appointment. He'd rather keep it loose, because he doesn't like to be pinned down to specific duties or obligations at specific times. He prefers a casual "I will see you around-maybe sometime Tuesday" to a definite hour for a meeting. (And he sometimes means the second Tuesday of next month.) However, I will say that once you've succeeded in nailing him and he gives you his word he'll meet you at a particular hour he will be there on the dot. You can count on it, even set your watch by his punctuality, and you'd better not be late yourself. He will show up dependably, unless he's been kidnapped on the way (which, being an Aquarian, he could be. Anything can happen to these people at any time. I mean but anything).
You can expect him to give his opinion frankly, but he won't try to dictate how you should think or how you should live your life. Conversely, he doesn't intend to let you tell him how he should think or live his. Unlike Aries or Leo or Gemini, he has no desire to hard sell his ideas to others. The Aquarian philosophy is that everyone has his own special yearning. Each person dances to his own fiddle music, and individuality should be respected. It's interesting to see that, as the world moves into the Aquarian Age, the heralds of the new era are the flower people and the Gurus. In exaggerated fashion, they are simply reflecting the Aquarian ideals: equality; brotherhood; love for all; live and let live; seek the truth; experiment; and retire to meditate.
You'll rarely find the Aquarian fighting fiercely for a cause. They live their code, and feel that's enough. Let Aries, Scorpio, Leo and Sagittarius grab the sword and battle gloriously to free the downtrodden. The Uranus-ruled souls are too busy figuring out the reason for the revolution, listening to people's troubles and sharing sympathetic understanding. Aquarius believes in violent change, but he leaves the violence to others. He's not a moral or a physical coward. He just isn't geared for battle. When a fight catches him unaware, he may strike out blindly in confusion, or he may simply agree, to end the argument. His reaction is unpredictable, but one thing is certain. The next day his opinion will be as fixed as it was before. Anyone skilled in debate can usually get the best of him, since his attention can so easily wander to the abstract in a battle of wits. The Aquarian fights best with his hat. He puts it on and leaves. His truth-respecting mind, however, won't budge an inch when he has a firm conviction, despite his distaste for unpleasant confrontations. All the shouting and emotional pressure in the world won't keep him from determinedly going his own way with his independent ideas, while the fireworks explode all around him. The concepts were equally original and strikingly unpopular in both cases. There was no aggressive insistence on personal theories, yet the sweeping reforms were made, regardless of lack of cooperation and bitter opposition.
Another reason why Uranians often meet with hostile criticism is that they're so full of surprises. They can lead you west, then suddenly turn and march east, without warning. Aquarius has an obstinate way of not letting you know what he's up to. For weeks, the February-born father of a friend of mine ignored his wife's complaints about a stove that didn't work. He buried himself in his newspaper, oblivious to her desperate hints. Suddenly one day a truck pulled up, two men unloaded a brand new stove and connected it in the kitchen under the surprised eyes of his wife, who should have learned to expect such behavior.
Trusting people doesn't come naturally to the Aquarian until after he's scrutinized your motives, even your soul, if possible. It's easy to grow restive under his intent analysis of your every word and gesture. You get the feeling it's all being filed away in that penetrating mind for future reference, and it is. He may seem to be in a dreamy fog now and then, but don't you believe it. He can probably tell you how many eyelashes you have. Never expect the Uranian to take you at face value. His innate courtesy will never keep him from shining the Uranus spotlight on you from head to toe. He wants to know what's behind that face, and he'll ask some mighty embarrassing questions to find out. But it's comforting to know that once you're accepted he will be loyal and his friendship will be unshaken by malicious gossip. If you're his real friend, he won't believe the nasty whispers of your enemies, although he will undoubtedly listen to them out of sheer curiosity. Rest assured, however, that he’d make up his own mind in the final analysis.
Uranus illnesses are usually connected with the circulatory system. Aquarians shiver and shake in the winter, and suffer with the humidity in the summer. They're susceptible to varicose veins and hardening of the arteries in old age, if their emotions are directed into negative channels, and they tend to have accidents to the legs, especially the shin and ankles. The anklebones are often weak, and there may be pains in the legs, due to poor circulation; frequent sort throats; and sometimes heart palpitation, usually not serious unless there are severe afflictions in the natal chart. Uranians need lots of fresh air, sleep and exercise, but they seldom take advantage of these remedies. They don't get much fresh air because they close their windows, pile on the blankets and still complain that they're freezing. The high frequency nervous tension that accompanies Uranus mental activity keeps them from getting enough sleep, and often the rest they do get is troubled by strange dreams. As for exercise, unless the Aquarian developed an early love of sports by playing stickball in his neighborhood, it's difficult to prod him into moving fast, let alone running around the track. His mind gets a continual workout, but the body needs a strong push. Aquarian health is usually excellent in childhood, barring weird, Uranian complaints impossible to diagnose. The real troubles don't begin until maturity increases stubbornness. These people are extremely susceptible to hypnosis. Intuitively, lots of them sense this and won't expose themselves to it for love or money, but this is a mistake, because hypnotic suggestion from a good medical hypnotist could successfully remove their myriad phobias. They're acutely responsive to electrical treatment, too, which can be just as beneficial.
Aquarians don't have the best memories in the world, but then they really don't need to memorize much, since they seem to pick up knowledge out of thin air, with some kind of invisible antennae. Why should they clutter their minds with information they may never need, when they can reach out by osmosis and grasp just about anything they want? They're likely to come home from the store without the most important item on the grocery list, because they can't be bothered with remembering what is, to them, non-essential. The typical Aquarian is the embodiment of the legendary absent-minded professor. I know one who planned to meet his wife in front of the City Squire Motel at noon. But he arrived early and ran into an old friend. (Aquarians are always running into old friends. In Africa or the Aleutian Islands they will be sure to find somebody they know.) The Uranian was engrossed in conversation with his pal when his wife approached, all smiles. As she came closer he stared at her blankly, gallantly tipped his hat, then turned, took his friend's arm and walked down the street, deep in conversation, leaving the furious, frustrated woman standing on the comer, alone and forgotten.
The Uranus power of concentration can be awesome. Yet, they're also able to pick up things going on around and behind them when they choose, like a radar screen. They can carry on a complicated discussion and still not miss an inflection of what's happening in the other part of the room, if they decide to tune in. Sometimes you could swear the Aquarian paid no attention to anything you said, but the next day he'll repeat it back to you like a tape recorder. Never underestimate the Uranian process of soaking up knowledge while they seem to be oblivious, even though now and then they get lost in concentration, like my friend who left his wife standing on the street, in a mood to kill.
What the Aquarius man or woman thinks is always a clue to tomorrow. The uncanny Uranus ability to plunge into the unknown and absorb mystical secrets without half-trying leads to a peculiar sort of intuition, which gives them a high degree of psychic precognition. I know one who literally answers the phone before it rings, and what's more, he knows who's on the other end before a word is spoken. Abraham Lincoln had several premonitions of his own death in startling detail. Almost every Aquarian has a unique kind of sensitivity that lets him know your inner desires. Without talk, he understands a need buried so deep that you're almost unaware of it yourself. Using that magical osmosis, the Aquarian can transmit his own thoughts with an unseen charge of electrical current. Even when his back is turned, he can project strong feelings by this strange process. During a long silence on the telephone, he may be sending and receiving vibrations when you think he's fallen asleep. Some Uranians don't need Western Union to send a telegram.
Yet, there's nothing superstitious about their thinking. A true scientist even if he's a mechanic or a musician, the Uranian won't jump to a conclusion until it's passed the test of his keen mind. However, once he forms an opinion, it remains firmly fixed in his brain, and I do mean firmly. As strongly as he loves change in society and government, he won't change his own idea one iota for anybody. He's completely open-minded about world progress, but his mind clamps shut when it involves his personal behavior, which can be unexpectedly conservative. You can see that his liberalism has its boundaries.
Aquarians despise lying and cheating, and they avoid borrowing and lending. They'll give you money as a gift, but don't ask them for a loan. Did you ever try to touch Aquarian Jack Benny for a fast fifty? Jack may surprise you by saying yes, but be sure you pay him back promptly. A broken promise or bad debt can put a wide crack in your friendship. Aquarians keep their word and pay their bills, and they expect others to do the same. Charge accounts don't normally excite them and credit cards can frighten them. All this love of honesty, however, can sometimes be distorted into questionable behavior. As much as he hates hypocrisy and double-dealing, the Aquarian can somehow answer questions so cleverly that he gives a false impression. Yet he will be outspokenly indignant if he catches anyone else guilty of such a delicate nuance of deception. He'll seldom tell an outright lie, but he can fool you in very subtle ways, which is hardly the essence of the honesty he so constantly preaches. His unrelenting search for truth and the desire to hide his own motives are incompatible traits, and the Aquarian must eventually face this inconsistency if he's going to learn the real truth about himself.
Aquarians get credit for being idealists, perhaps too much credit, for true idealism consists of blind faith and optimism, and the Uranian is too shrewd to fool himself with lost causes for long. He knows that most dreams are illusions, like the rainbow he has examined so closely and still loves. Tradition and authority leave him unimpressed. He'll politely respect them, but they won't stop his compulsive drive to uncover fallacies, distortions and illogical assumptions.
His mind and body must both be as free as the wind. To try to pin down the Aquarian is to try to stabilize the butterfly, to stuff a spring breeze into a closet or confine a winter gale in a bottle. It can't be done, and besides, who in the world would want to try? Though he's so far ahead of his time that you have trouble catching his viewpoint immediately, it's still worthwhile to make the attempt. You'll always come away a little wiser, if a little bewildered. His astrological flower is the daffodil; and now you know the derivation of the word "daffy".
Uranus, the unpredictable and violent planet of change, which lets him see ahead with electric blue clarity to the future, constantly tears as the soul of the Water Bearer under. Aquarius belongs to mankind. He represents its truest hopes and its deepest ideals. Even his metal, uranium, is not really a metal, but a radioactive, metallic chemical, found only in combinations. It's important in atomic research, and it can undergo continuous fission. The magnetic majesty of eight bolts of brilliant lightning reflected in the Aquarian sapphire can split open his secrets for those who seek to know him-but only for an instant can you see into his lonely heart, long ago infused with Saturn's ancient wisdom; unless you too live in tomorrow.
"In spring, when woods are getting green, I'll try and tell you what I mean:
In summer, when the days are long, Perhaps you'll understand the song.'"
"For this must ever be A secret
Kept from all the rest between yourself and me."
Lots of people like rainbows. Children make wishes on them, artists paint them, dreamers chase them, but the Aquarian is ahead of everybody. He lives on one. What's more, he's taken it apart and examined it, piece by piece, color by color, and he still believes in it. It isn't easy to believe in something after you know what it's really like, but the Aquarian is essentially a realist, even though his address is tomorrow, with a wild-blue-yonder zip code.
Like the bewildered Alice, taken through the maze of Wonderland by Aquarian Lewis Carroll, you'll have to be constantly prepared for the unexpected with Uranians. Generally kindly and tranquil by nature, Aquarians nevertheless enjoy defying public opinion and they secretly delight in shocking more conventional people with occasional erratic conduct. These normally soft-spoken and courteous souls can suddenly short-circuit you with the most amazing statements and actions at the most unpredictable times. The typical Uranian is half Albert Schweitzer and half Mickey Mouse. His feet can be wearing sandals, boots, oxfords, or hush puppies, and he'll seldom bother to check whether they're appropriate for the occasion. He'll show up barefoot if he feels like it, and laugh at you for laughing at him. Aquarians often deliberately adopt weird attire to show their refusal to conform.
You can often recognize people born under this fixed, air sign by their frequent use of the word friend, Aquarian Franklin Roosevelt's fireside chats invariably began with, "My friends . . ." and the typical Uranus question after a broken romance is, "Can't we still be friends?" Aquarius is neither jaded nor naive, neither enthusiastic nor blase. Continuous experimentation simply leaves him curious to penetrate the next mystery, and the next mystery could be you. That person, who seems to be either a million miles away mentally, or else dissecting you under an invisible microscope, is probably an Aquarian. It can be disconcerting to discover, after all his intense curiosity, that he's just as deeply interested in the personal lives of the corner policeman, the bartender, the bellboy, the night club singer or the inmates of the funny house as he is in yours.
Politics fascinate him, sports absorb him and children intrigue him. But then so do horses, automobiles, elderly people, medical discoveries, authors, astronauts, alcoholics, pianos, pinwheels and prayers-not to mention baseball and Louis Armstrong. Join the crowd and toss your ego in the wastebasket, or his coolly impersonal approach will be sure to bruise it.
Look for a strange, faraway look in the eyes, as if they contained some kind of magic, mysterious knowledge you can't penetrate. Aquarius eyes are typically vague, with a dreamy, wandering expression, and often (but not always) blue, green or gray. The hair is frequently straight and silky, likely to be blonde, sandy or light brown; the complexion is pale and the height is usually taller than average (though the ascendant can modify the appearance of any Sun sign). You'll notice a marked nobility of profile. Uranus features are finely chiseled, suggestive of Roman emperors cut on old gold coins. True Aquarians will often adopt the pose of the drooping head when they're thinking about a problem, or just after they've asked a question. The head drops abruptly forward, or cocks to one side, waiting for your reaction. Curiously, thanks to the dual sexuality of Uranus, there are often feminine characteristics in the male bodies, such as broad hips, for example-and masculine characteristics in the female body, such as broad shoulders.
Freedom-loving Uranians can be acutely funny, perverse, original, conceited and independent, but they can also be diplomatic, gentle, sympathetic and timid. The Aquarian will almost desperately seek the security of crowds and saturate himself with friendship. Then he will fall into a gloomy, morose spell of loneliness, and would want to be strictly left alone. But whether he's mingling or singling, he'll retain his sharp perception, which is at once both deeper and quicker than others are. Uranus makes him a natural rebel who instinctively feels that all old customs are wrong and that drastic alteration and revolutionary change is what the world and people need (although if he's in politics, he's clever enough not to broadcast his views prematurely and spoil his strategy).
To this end, Aquarians are always analyzing situations, friends and strangers. It can be disturbing when they start asking pointblank questions, with a bare minimum of tact, as they probe into the heart of your private feelings. When they discover the puzzle wasn't so complex after all, they become bored, sometimes even upset. Nothing is more insulting than to have an Aquarian get tired of his game of microscopic examination and turn to the next interesting person, just when he's convinced you he thinks you are the most important human being on earth. It stings.
Despite their fixation on friendship, Aquarians don't have many intimates. They seek quantity rather than quality in their associations, and they seldom settle down to a steady relationship for more than a limited period. There's too much to discover around the next comer to remain tied to one or two friendships exclusively. It does little good to make an emotional appeal to such an impersonal nature, but if you touch the heart of an Aquarian (which is not the same thing as mere emotion), he'll usually get off his bicycle and come back to see what he might have missed.
A peculiar sort of isolation hangs over the Uranian, and mankind often misunderstands him. That's because mankind hasn't yet caught up with the Aquarian Utopia. Since the water bearer lives in the future, coming back only briefly to the present, he can seem just plain pixilated to more mundane souls. He senses this, and it deepens his sense of isolation. But just because others can't keep up with him is no reason in his opinion to go backwards. So he wanders among his lonely clouds, while we mere mortals wonder what he's doing way out there. Astrology teaches us that "As the Aquarian thinks, so will the world think in fifty years." That may be true, but it certainly doesn't narrow the gap between the Uranus-ruled and the rest of us today.
This Sun sign is known as the sign of genius, and so it is, since over seventy percent of the people in the Hall of Fame are either Sun Aquarians or have Aquarian ascendants. On the other hand, a substantially high percentage of those confined in mental institutions, or who drop in for regular couch sessions with an analyst, are also Aquarians. There's a fine line, they say, between genius and insanity, and your Uranian friends can sometimes make you wonder which side of the line they're on. A great deal of the confusion is due to man's tendency to belittle his prophets. The familiar quotes that "they laughed at Fulton and his steamboat," "they thought Edison was mentally retarded," and "they wanted to lock up Louis Pasteur," are examples of the attitude of the materialistic world toward those whose senses are tuned to higher spheres of thought.
Uranians are a curious mixture of cold, practicality and eccentric instability, and they seem to have an instinctive empathy with the mentally disturbed. It's a curious fact that almost any Aquarian can substantially reduce the anxiety of the insane simply by talking to them quietly. He has a marvelous knack for calming hysterical people and soothing frightened children. Is it because of his own thinly covered, highly acute nervous system that he has such deep understanding?
The Aquarian outlook is so broad that you’ll seldom find one, who is prejudiced, unless there are severe planetary influences in the natal chart. Even then, he'll be deeply shocked when his prejudice is pointed out. The brotherhood instinct is so strong in him that when a rare Aquarian is guilty of being intolerant, he's not only unaware of it, he hates the label. Ordinarily, everyone is his brother or sister. He'll wander through affluent society and the slums alike with his symbolic jar, gathering the waters of knowledge and pouring them out again, except for those occasional lapses into hibernation. But his hiding put periods seldom last long, and before you get a chance to miss him the Uranian is back gregariously making the rounds again. Don't try to interrupt his solitude. When he wants to be alone, he wants to be alone, but he hasn't retired from the mainstream permanently, even if he does take a sudden Uranus notion to get an unlisted phone number. His address hasn't changed, and neither has he. He can never renounce people for long. Ignore him and he'll soon be walking around town on those homemade stilts, as alert and inquisitive as ever.
Ordinarily, it's difficult to get an Aquarian to make a precise appointment. He'd rather keep it loose, because he doesn't like to be pinned down to specific duties or obligations at specific times. He prefers a casual "I will see you around-maybe sometime Tuesday" to a definite hour for a meeting. (And he sometimes means the second Tuesday of next month.) However, I will say that once you've succeeded in nailing him and he gives you his word he'll meet you at a particular hour he will be there on the dot. You can count on it, even set your watch by his punctuality, and you'd better not be late yourself. He will show up dependably, unless he's been kidnapped on the way (which, being an Aquarian, he could be. Anything can happen to these people at any time. I mean but anything).
You can expect him to give his opinion frankly, but he won't try to dictate how you should think or how you should live your life. Conversely, he doesn't intend to let you tell him how he should think or live his. Unlike Aries or Leo or Gemini, he has no desire to hard sell his ideas to others. The Aquarian philosophy is that everyone has his own special yearning. Each person dances to his own fiddle music, and individuality should be respected. It's interesting to see that, as the world moves into the Aquarian Age, the heralds of the new era are the flower people and the Gurus. In exaggerated fashion, they are simply reflecting the Aquarian ideals: equality; brotherhood; love for all; live and let live; seek the truth; experiment; and retire to meditate.
You'll rarely find the Aquarian fighting fiercely for a cause. They live their code, and feel that's enough. Let Aries, Scorpio, Leo and Sagittarius grab the sword and battle gloriously to free the downtrodden. The Uranus-ruled souls are too busy figuring out the reason for the revolution, listening to people's troubles and sharing sympathetic understanding. Aquarius believes in violent change, but he leaves the violence to others. He's not a moral or a physical coward. He just isn't geared for battle. When a fight catches him unaware, he may strike out blindly in confusion, or he may simply agree, to end the argument. His reaction is unpredictable, but one thing is certain. The next day his opinion will be as fixed as it was before. Anyone skilled in debate can usually get the best of him, since his attention can so easily wander to the abstract in a battle of wits. The Aquarian fights best with his hat. He puts it on and leaves. His truth-respecting mind, however, won't budge an inch when he has a firm conviction, despite his distaste for unpleasant confrontations. All the shouting and emotional pressure in the world won't keep him from determinedly going his own way with his independent ideas, while the fireworks explode all around him. The concepts were equally original and strikingly unpopular in both cases. There was no aggressive insistence on personal theories, yet the sweeping reforms were made, regardless of lack of cooperation and bitter opposition.
Another reason why Uranians often meet with hostile criticism is that they're so full of surprises. They can lead you west, then suddenly turn and march east, without warning. Aquarius has an obstinate way of not letting you know what he's up to. For weeks, the February-born father of a friend of mine ignored his wife's complaints about a stove that didn't work. He buried himself in his newspaper, oblivious to her desperate hints. Suddenly one day a truck pulled up, two men unloaded a brand new stove and connected it in the kitchen under the surprised eyes of his wife, who should have learned to expect such behavior.
Trusting people doesn't come naturally to the Aquarian until after he's scrutinized your motives, even your soul, if possible. It's easy to grow restive under his intent analysis of your every word and gesture. You get the feeling it's all being filed away in that penetrating mind for future reference, and it is. He may seem to be in a dreamy fog now and then, but don't you believe it. He can probably tell you how many eyelashes you have. Never expect the Uranian to take you at face value. His innate courtesy will never keep him from shining the Uranus spotlight on you from head to toe. He wants to know what's behind that face, and he'll ask some mighty embarrassing questions to find out. But it's comforting to know that once you're accepted he will be loyal and his friendship will be unshaken by malicious gossip. If you're his real friend, he won't believe the nasty whispers of your enemies, although he will undoubtedly listen to them out of sheer curiosity. Rest assured, however, that he’d make up his own mind in the final analysis.
Uranus illnesses are usually connected with the circulatory system. Aquarians shiver and shake in the winter, and suffer with the humidity in the summer. They're susceptible to varicose veins and hardening of the arteries in old age, if their emotions are directed into negative channels, and they tend to have accidents to the legs, especially the shin and ankles. The anklebones are often weak, and there may be pains in the legs, due to poor circulation; frequent sort throats; and sometimes heart palpitation, usually not serious unless there are severe afflictions in the natal chart. Uranians need lots of fresh air, sleep and exercise, but they seldom take advantage of these remedies. They don't get much fresh air because they close their windows, pile on the blankets and still complain that they're freezing. The high frequency nervous tension that accompanies Uranus mental activity keeps them from getting enough sleep, and often the rest they do get is troubled by strange dreams. As for exercise, unless the Aquarian developed an early love of sports by playing stickball in his neighborhood, it's difficult to prod him into moving fast, let alone running around the track. His mind gets a continual workout, but the body needs a strong push. Aquarian health is usually excellent in childhood, barring weird, Uranian complaints impossible to diagnose. The real troubles don't begin until maturity increases stubbornness. These people are extremely susceptible to hypnosis. Intuitively, lots of them sense this and won't expose themselves to it for love or money, but this is a mistake, because hypnotic suggestion from a good medical hypnotist could successfully remove their myriad phobias. They're acutely responsive to electrical treatment, too, which can be just as beneficial.
Aquarians don't have the best memories in the world, but then they really don't need to memorize much, since they seem to pick up knowledge out of thin air, with some kind of invisible antennae. Why should they clutter their minds with information they may never need, when they can reach out by osmosis and grasp just about anything they want? They're likely to come home from the store without the most important item on the grocery list, because they can't be bothered with remembering what is, to them, non-essential. The typical Aquarian is the embodiment of the legendary absent-minded professor. I know one who planned to meet his wife in front of the City Squire Motel at noon. But he arrived early and ran into an old friend. (Aquarians are always running into old friends. In Africa or the Aleutian Islands they will be sure to find somebody they know.) The Uranian was engrossed in conversation with his pal when his wife approached, all smiles. As she came closer he stared at her blankly, gallantly tipped his hat, then turned, took his friend's arm and walked down the street, deep in conversation, leaving the furious, frustrated woman standing on the comer, alone and forgotten.
The Uranus power of concentration can be awesome. Yet, they're also able to pick up things going on around and behind them when they choose, like a radar screen. They can carry on a complicated discussion and still not miss an inflection of what's happening in the other part of the room, if they decide to tune in. Sometimes you could swear the Aquarian paid no attention to anything you said, but the next day he'll repeat it back to you like a tape recorder. Never underestimate the Uranian process of soaking up knowledge while they seem to be oblivious, even though now and then they get lost in concentration, like my friend who left his wife standing on the street, in a mood to kill.
What the Aquarius man or woman thinks is always a clue to tomorrow. The uncanny Uranus ability to plunge into the unknown and absorb mystical secrets without half-trying leads to a peculiar sort of intuition, which gives them a high degree of psychic precognition. I know one who literally answers the phone before it rings, and what's more, he knows who's on the other end before a word is spoken. Abraham Lincoln had several premonitions of his own death in startling detail. Almost every Aquarian has a unique kind of sensitivity that lets him know your inner desires. Without talk, he understands a need buried so deep that you're almost unaware of it yourself. Using that magical osmosis, the Aquarian can transmit his own thoughts with an unseen charge of electrical current. Even when his back is turned, he can project strong feelings by this strange process. During a long silence on the telephone, he may be sending and receiving vibrations when you think he's fallen asleep. Some Uranians don't need Western Union to send a telegram.
Yet, there's nothing superstitious about their thinking. A true scientist even if he's a mechanic or a musician, the Uranian won't jump to a conclusion until it's passed the test of his keen mind. However, once he forms an opinion, it remains firmly fixed in his brain, and I do mean firmly. As strongly as he loves change in society and government, he won't change his own idea one iota for anybody. He's completely open-minded about world progress, but his mind clamps shut when it involves his personal behavior, which can be unexpectedly conservative. You can see that his liberalism has its boundaries.
Aquarians despise lying and cheating, and they avoid borrowing and lending. They'll give you money as a gift, but don't ask them for a loan. Did you ever try to touch Aquarian Jack Benny for a fast fifty? Jack may surprise you by saying yes, but be sure you pay him back promptly. A broken promise or bad debt can put a wide crack in your friendship. Aquarians keep their word and pay their bills, and they expect others to do the same. Charge accounts don't normally excite them and credit cards can frighten them. All this love of honesty, however, can sometimes be distorted into questionable behavior. As much as he hates hypocrisy and double-dealing, the Aquarian can somehow answer questions so cleverly that he gives a false impression. Yet he will be outspokenly indignant if he catches anyone else guilty of such a delicate nuance of deception. He'll seldom tell an outright lie, but he can fool you in very subtle ways, which is hardly the essence of the honesty he so constantly preaches. His unrelenting search for truth and the desire to hide his own motives are incompatible traits, and the Aquarian must eventually face this inconsistency if he's going to learn the real truth about himself.
Aquarians get credit for being idealists, perhaps too much credit, for true idealism consists of blind faith and optimism, and the Uranian is too shrewd to fool himself with lost causes for long. He knows that most dreams are illusions, like the rainbow he has examined so closely and still loves. Tradition and authority leave him unimpressed. He'll politely respect them, but they won't stop his compulsive drive to uncover fallacies, distortions and illogical assumptions.
His mind and body must both be as free as the wind. To try to pin down the Aquarian is to try to stabilize the butterfly, to stuff a spring breeze into a closet or confine a winter gale in a bottle. It can't be done, and besides, who in the world would want to try? Though he's so far ahead of his time that you have trouble catching his viewpoint immediately, it's still worthwhile to make the attempt. You'll always come away a little wiser, if a little bewildered. His astrological flower is the daffodil; and now you know the derivation of the word "daffy".
Uranus, the unpredictable and violent planet of change, which lets him see ahead with electric blue clarity to the future, constantly tears as the soul of the Water Bearer under. Aquarius belongs to mankind. He represents its truest hopes and its deepest ideals. Even his metal, uranium, is not really a metal, but a radioactive, metallic chemical, found only in combinations. It's important in atomic research, and it can undergo continuous fission. The magnetic majesty of eight bolts of brilliant lightning reflected in the Aquarian sapphire can split open his secrets for those who seek to know him-but only for an instant can you see into his lonely heart, long ago infused with Saturn's ancient wisdom; unless you too live in tomorrow.
Memo to All the Hindi Speaking Staff of Khushi Impex Biz
Memo to All the Hindi Speaking Staff of Khushi Impex Biz
_________________________________________
In view some recent complaints, it has become important for Human Resource Director to issue directives to all the Indian staff of Khushi Impex Biz.
To all Hindi-speaking staff: It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.
Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:
Words like "CHUTIYA, GANDU" and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say "CHUTIYE AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO" when someone makes a mistake, or "MADAR CHOD, BHENCHOD" when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb "CHOD" are inappropriate in our environment.
No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as "GADDHA" or "CHUTIYA".
Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SALA. A person who lack initiative should not be referred to as "AALSI BHOSADIKAA" or "MADARCHOD".
Do not say "GAND FATI NA", if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "BHOSADE MEIN GAYA" when matters become complicated.
When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "CHAL PHUTT". Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with "BOL TERI KAISE GAND MARUU?"
When things get tough, an acceptable statement such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than "GOTI MUH MEIN HAI".
Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say "YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI". Just keep it clean and dispose it off properly.
We hope you will keep these directions in mind. Anyone now onwards found using the offensive language such as above will go through a disciplinary action process as per the company policy.
Thanks and regards,
Lokesh Grover
Hand Phone: +91 98 10 19 28 28
KHUSHI IMPEX BIZ
Blog: http://lokeshgrover.blogspot.com/ http://www.blogger.com/profile/9532341
MSN Space: http://lokeshgrover.spaces.msn.com/
MSN: lokeshgrover@hotmail.com and ceo@khushiimpex.biz
Skype: lokeshgrover
Trade Manager: lokeshgrover
Yahoo: lokeshgrover
_________________________________________
In view some recent complaints, it has become important for Human Resource Director to issue directives to all the Indian staff of Khushi Impex Biz.
To all Hindi-speaking staff: It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.
Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:
Words like "CHUTIYA, GANDU" and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say "CHUTIYE AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO" when someone makes a mistake, or "MADAR CHOD, BHENCHOD" when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb "CHOD" are inappropriate in our environment.
No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as "GADDHA" or "CHUTIYA".
Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SALA. A person who lack initiative should not be referred to as "AALSI BHOSADIKAA" or "MADARCHOD".
Do not say "GAND FATI NA", if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "BHOSADE MEIN GAYA" when matters become complicated.
When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "CHAL PHUTT". Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with "BOL TERI KAISE GAND MARUU?"
When things get tough, an acceptable statement such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than "GOTI MUH MEIN HAI".
Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say "YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI". Just keep it clean and dispose it off properly.
We hope you will keep these directions in mind. Anyone now onwards found using the offensive language such as above will go through a disciplinary action process as per the company policy.
Thanks and regards,
Lokesh Grover
Hand Phone: +91 98 10 19 28 28
KHUSHI IMPEX BIZ
Blog: http://lokeshgrover.blogspot.com/ http://www.blogger.com/profile/9532341
MSN Space: http://lokeshgrover.spaces.msn.com/
MSN: lokeshgrover@hotmail.com and ceo@khushiimpex.biz
Skype: lokeshgrover
Trade Manager: lokeshgrover
Yahoo: lokeshgrover
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Serial blasts rock Mumbai, 172 killed
Serial blasts rock Mumbai, 172 killed
Tuesday, July 11, 2006: (Mumbai)
At least 172 people were killed and 439 injured in a series of blasts that rocked the city on Tuesday. Seven blasts took place on different railway stations in the city.
It's the worst attack since the 1993 attacks.
Our deepest condolences and thoughts and prayers for the dead and injured. May their soul always rest in peace.
Let us pledge to stand united as Indians through our shared values and our shared determination to defeat terrorism in all its forms.
GOD bless India.
Thanks and regards,
Lokesh Grover
Tuesday, July 11, 2006: (Mumbai)
At least 172 people were killed and 439 injured in a series of blasts that rocked the city on Tuesday. Seven blasts took place on different railway stations in the city.
It's the worst attack since the 1993 attacks.
Our deepest condolences and thoughts and prayers for the dead and injured. May their soul always rest in peace.
Let us pledge to stand united as Indians through our shared values and our shared determination to defeat terrorism in all its forms.
GOD bless India.
Thanks and regards,
Lokesh Grover
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Latest Pictures of Khushi...
Latest Pictures of Khushi...
For more pictures, please visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/i_love_khushi/
For more pictures, please visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/i_love_khushi/
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Calories
Hey...
You can have a look at this table and get to know about loosing weight
LOSE SOME WEIGHT
Sex is the most practical and funniest way of losing weight. Look how many calories you can burn:
* TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her agreement..............................12 cal
Without her agreement..........................187 cal
* TAKING OFF THE BRA
With both hands..................................8 cal
With one hand...................................12 cal
With one hand being slapped.....................37 cal
With the mouth..................................85 cal
* PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
With erection....................................6 cal
Without erection...............................315 cal
* PRELIMINARIES
Trying to find the clitoris......................8 cal
Trying to find G spot...........................92 cal
Without caring at all............................0 cal
* WHEN DOING IT
Holding her up..................................12 cal
Just on the floor................................8 cal
* POSITIONS
daddy-mummy.................................... 12 cal
69 laying........................................8 cal
69 standing up.................................112 cal
Trolley........................................216 cal
Italian chandelier.............................912 cal
* HAVING AN ORGASM
Real...........................................112 cal
Fake...........................................315 cal
* POST ORGASM
Staying in bed..................................18 cal
Jumping off the bed.............................36 cal
Explaining why she jumped off the bed..........816 cal
* GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION
Between 16 and 19 years of age...................12 cal
from 20 to 29....................................36 cal
from 30 to 39...................................108 cal
from 40 to 49...................................324 cal
from 50 to 59...................................972 cal
over 60........................................2916 cal
* PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES
Quietly..........................................32 cal
Being in a hurry.................................98 cal
With her husband opening the door..............10218 cal
Just Do It... !!
You can have a look at this table and get to know about loosing weight
LOSE SOME WEIGHT
Sex is the most practical and funniest way of losing weight. Look how many calories you can burn:
* TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her agreement..............................12 cal
Without her agreement..........................187 cal
* TAKING OFF THE BRA
With both hands..................................8 cal
With one hand...................................12 cal
With one hand being slapped.....................37 cal
With the mouth..................................85 cal
* PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
With erection....................................6 cal
Without erection...............................315 cal
* PRELIMINARIES
Trying to find the clitoris......................8 cal
Trying to find G spot...........................92 cal
Without caring at all............................0 cal
* WHEN DOING IT
Holding her up..................................12 cal
Just on the floor................................8 cal
* POSITIONS
daddy-mummy.................................... 12 cal
69 laying........................................8 cal
69 standing up.................................112 cal
Trolley........................................216 cal
Italian chandelier.............................912 cal
* HAVING AN ORGASM
Real...........................................112 cal
Fake...........................................315 cal
* POST ORGASM
Staying in bed..................................18 cal
Jumping off the bed.............................36 cal
Explaining why she jumped off the bed..........816 cal
* GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION
Between 16 and 19 years of age...................12 cal
from 20 to 29....................................36 cal
from 30 to 39...................................108 cal
from 40 to 49...................................324 cal
from 50 to 59...................................972 cal
over 60........................................2916 cal
* PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES
Quietly..........................................32 cal
Being in a hurry.................................98 cal
With her husband opening the door..............10218 cal
Just Do It... !!
Bu, Chu and Fu
Three Chinese Bu, Chu and Fu went to USA.
They decided to Americanize their names.
Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck, Fu decided to go back to China.
Later the three Chinese Bu, Fu and Chu went to India.
They decided to Indianize their names.
Bu became Butia, Fu became Futia, Chu decided to go back to China.
They decided to Americanize their names.
Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck, Fu decided to go back to China.
Later the three Chinese Bu, Fu and Chu went to India.
They decided to Indianize their names.
Bu became Butia, Fu became Futia, Chu decided to go back to China.
Virgin
Banta: Was your wife a virgin when you married?
Santa: I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.
Santa: I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.
Old age...
The first old man: "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face."
The second old man: "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."
The third old man laughed and said: "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!" .
The second old man: "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."
The third old man laughed and said: "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!" .
Rape Trial
In a rape trial, the lawyer asked the victim, " Did you scream for help?"
The victim replied, " Yes Sir!"
The lawyer further enquired, "Did anyone come?"
The victim shyly replied, " Yes Sir, first I did, then he did."
The victim replied, " Yes Sir!"
The lawyer further enquired, "Did anyone come?"
The victim shyly replied, " Yes Sir, first I did, then he did."
Down Under
Santa goes to Australia and unfortunately has a car accident and is taken to hospital unconscious.
The next day he comes to and asks "Did I come here to die?"
A doctor replies "Naw mate, ya came here yesterday".
The next day he comes to and asks "Did I come here to die?"
A doctor replies "Naw mate, ya came here yesterday".
The 3 biggest tragedies in a mans life...
Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
Join the Club...
A woman answers the phone in a busy office, "Good morning, Parachute Club."
Santa replied, "Excuse me, but isn't this Prostitute Club?"
"Oh no sir," came the embarrassed reply, "this is Parachute Club."
"Damn!" said Santa. "I'm afraid I made a big mistake. Last week your salesman called and signed me up for two jumps a week.".
Santa replied, "Excuse me, but isn't this Prostitute Club?"
"Oh no sir," came the embarrassed reply, "this is Parachute Club."
"Damn!" said Santa. "I'm afraid I made a big mistake. Last week your salesman called and signed me up for two jumps a week.".
Bar
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.
Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."
The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn".
Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."
The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn".
The gynecologist
"Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient.
"Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure," the blonde replied, "but not by a doctor!".
"Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure," the blonde replied, "but not by a doctor!".
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Brains
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
;-)
"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
;-)
Monday, July 03, 2006
If men wrote advice columns ...
If men wrote advice columns ...
Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
ROFLMAO....
;-)
Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
ROFLMAO....
;-)
A Woman's Diary...
Day 1
We just celebrated our 40th Anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.
Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Something must change soon.
Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac Pills with the Viagra Pills, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5
What absolute Bliss !
Day 6
Isn't life wonderful. But it's difficult to write while he's exercising his new found "MANHOOD".
Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice ... I don't think I've ever been so happy.
Day 8
I think he took too many over the week- end. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I'm also getting a bit sore.
Day 9
No time to write. He might catch me.
Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And... to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Jack Daniels whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....
Day 11
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete PIG.
Day 12
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me!
Day 13
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bugger !
Day 14
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a Nun, but this just seems to make him hornier. Help Me!
Day 15
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go screw himself and he did.
Day 16
The bugger has started to complain about not getting enough. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Day 17
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference..........................YIPES ! Here he comes again !
Day 18
Aaaahhhh ! He's back on Prozac. The lazy bugger just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute Bliss!
;-)
We just celebrated our 40th Anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.
Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Something must change soon.
Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac Pills with the Viagra Pills, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5
What absolute Bliss !
Day 6
Isn't life wonderful. But it's difficult to write while he's exercising his new found "MANHOOD".
Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice ... I don't think I've ever been so happy.
Day 8
I think he took too many over the week- end. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I'm also getting a bit sore.
Day 9
No time to write. He might catch me.
Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And... to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Jack Daniels whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....
Day 11
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete PIG.
Day 12
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me!
Day 13
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bugger !
Day 14
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a Nun, but this just seems to make him hornier. Help Me!
Day 15
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go screw himself and he did.
Day 16
The bugger has started to complain about not getting enough. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Day 17
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference..........................YIPES ! Here he comes again !
Day 18
Aaaahhhh ! He's back on Prozac. The lazy bugger just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute Bliss!
;-)
Cum
This is absolute funny shit.....suss that....
Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen.
One named I cum and the other one named No cum.
No cum marry pretty Chinese girl named No cum Tu.
For velly obvious reason No cum and No cum Tu not have any children.
One day, No cum went out of town on business and I cum came over and spent the night with No cum Tu.
That night I cum came and No cum Tu came too.
This makes both very happy.
However about 7 or 8 months later, No cum see he about to become father but he not know how come, so when baby come, he named it, How cum u cum.
Of course, I cum and No cum Tu know How cum u cum came but to this day No cum not know how come How cum u cum came!
Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen.
One named I cum and the other one named No cum.
No cum marry pretty Chinese girl named No cum Tu.
For velly obvious reason No cum and No cum Tu not have any children.
One day, No cum went out of town on business and I cum came over and spent the night with No cum Tu.
That night I cum came and No cum Tu came too.
This makes both very happy.
However about 7 or 8 months later, No cum see he about to become father but he not know how come, so when baby come, he named it, How cum u cum.
Of course, I cum and No cum Tu know How cum u cum came but to this day No cum not know how come How cum u cum came!
Alcohoroscopes...
BASED ON YOUR SUNSIGNS...
YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOUR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK !!
ARIES:
Drinking style... Impulsive. Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
TAURUS:
Drinking style... Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
GEMINI:
Drinking style... Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER:
Drinking style... Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there is nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
LEO:
Drinking style... Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what rung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.
VIRGO:
Drinking style... Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there is an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the sub genius IQ!
LIBRA:
Drinking style... "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Frienddevice set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the room or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
SCORPIO:
Drinking style... Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they will smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS:
Drinking style... In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
CAPRICORN:
Drinking style... Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they are either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS:
Drinking style... Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they are usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist). Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.
PISCES:
Drinking style... If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality --with Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they are fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know...
YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOUR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK !!
ARIES:
Drinking style... Impulsive. Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
TAURUS:
Drinking style... Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
GEMINI:
Drinking style... Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER:
Drinking style... Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there is nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
LEO:
Drinking style... Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what rung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.
VIRGO:
Drinking style... Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there is an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the sub genius IQ!
LIBRA:
Drinking style... "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Frienddevice set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble --including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the room or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
SCORPIO:
Drinking style... Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they will smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS:
Drinking style... In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
CAPRICORN:
Drinking style... Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they are either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS:
Drinking style... Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they are usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist). Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.
PISCES:
Drinking style... If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality --with Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they are fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know...
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