Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Ironically... now even the irony of all that happened seems as empty as I am...

.... ek umer ke baad phir aaj qah qahe lagaye maine, jab uthaya paimaana....

.... ajnabi ki tanhaaai khatam kar khud khali tha, meri tarah woh bhi deewana....

Monday, August 23, 2010

someone said, "I can't pretend"... 'n she didn't... except for a whole relationship...

.... Ishq ka yeh manzar kyun dikhana zaroori tha tujhe....

.... Khuda se bekhauf; par ab saanson se haul hain mujhe....


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.... I stumbled 'n fell; echoing a silent cry of pain....

.... ought to get up, before I dream of walking again....

.... far from being par; am one who was dozen a dime...

.... lost in the haze, wasted as much I waste the time....

Sunday, August 22, 2010

breaking news... nah... same 'ol shit...

.... khuda se lagi baazi ki taaza hai khabar yeh...

.... saansien jeet rahi hai; zindagi haar rahi hai....

Thursday, August 19, 2010

the lame insanity...

am trying to delete a song...
but something's gone wrong...
plays in loop; system's gone rot...
more I run, the more I get caught...

Random... just like me...

.... seeking refuge in the calm of noise.... battling the clutter of silence.... completely incomplete or am I now incompletely complete...


.. it's craziness to stop believing people all around just 'coz of something someone did.. but I am insane; craziness 'n I are inseparable..


... the easiest way to judge me is sans facts... 'n perhaps that's also the only way.... (

Monday, August 16, 2010

Inane Query...

... Absolut queried, "why do ya passionately crave for me, are ya insane?"

I reasoned, "ya give me sanity"

Absolut smiled, "why don't ya realise that this sanity is momentary, is time barred, there isn't any sanity for ya which is forever; are ya dumb"

I confessed, "nah, had I been dumb, life would have been easy; I am numb 'n that's why it ain't easy"

@ mentions...

.... Ya'r Lucky if ya get an obituary....

.... Ya'r Loki if has only 1 word; "Goodbye"....

Sunday, August 15, 2010

... limiting the infinite...

.... khali paimaane iss baat ke mukammal hai gavaah....

.... maikhaano se dushmani bhi dosto ki tarah nibhayi hai....

Cheers... wherever ya'r.... whoever ya were....

.... as I poured Absolut to a glass filled of ice, it struck me;

lovers melted in each other too, until a stranger struck me...

.... ya to deewana hanse ya woh, TU jise taufeeq de

warna iss duniya mein aake muskurata kaun hai....

Friday, August 13, 2010

... am so fucked up...

.... I am pathetic not 'coz I lost something that I never had.... but 'coz I am still unable to believe Goddesses could cheat too... (

Thursday, August 12, 2010

.... a reflection that appeared surreal... actually was unreal...

.... jisse samjha tha ibaadat; woh shayad mere dimaag ka khalaa tha....

.... haatheli pe ghaav banna ke apni lakeerein badalne chala tha....

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

gaffe...

.... Dear God.... when I prayed to ya, “spin some more on a higher RPM”, I assumed ya were a DJ.... sorry, didn't know ya were a launderer.... I am dry 'n done now.... Cheers!....

... Repercussion...

... more than losing a lover, a best friend, a confidante, a soulmate, what disturbs me unending is that for the remaining crap of my life, I won't be trusting anyone now... I have lost the comfort of believing in par value... I have lost the ability to believe, per se... I have lost, per se...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

a life too screwed...

.... the more I drink; the less drunk I get.... hopefully I'd be sans the hangover someday before I die..

yet the echo of "ya deserved it" is replaying in loop as much as the "I love ya" 'n "I can't imagine my life without ya" stuff ya loaded me....

pained awakening...

soya hi hua tha main yun bekhabar...

khawab tootne se dard hua, tab neend khuli...

kharaab hoon mukammal isliye zakhm bhi apne lagte hai...

theek ho gaya kahin; toh khud ko ajnabi bana lunga...

loved ya more than ya deserved...

... labalab bhar jaane pe jaam se bahar chalki sharaab toh samajh aaya...

... jaise maine kisi ek ajnabi pe uski intehaa se zyada aitbaar tha kiya...

Monday, August 09, 2010

Height of "oye Lucky; Loki oye"....

Ya'r lucky if a gal tells ya, "dil de diya hai , ab bill nahin dungi... "

Ya'r loki if ya get neither...

... the jerk who jerked got transformed into the fucker who got fucked...

an Absolut carefree shit with morals few

much as life fucked me, could fuck back too

'en I committed the cardinal mistake

gave more than I ever bothered to take

it ain't difficult to pin point the day I rue

when I trusted, "my life is incomplete without ya"

please don't ya ever fall for that crap

love is but another 4 letter word for a deceitful trap

Sunday, August 08, 2010

it's sickeningly unbelievable that I am sinking; yet the reality isn't...

.... bikhri hai haqeeqat par nahin karta hoon gham....
.... aarzoo magar poori ho itni kamm se kamm....
.... gustakhi kar khuli aankhon se jo phir dekhun khawab....
.... uss gunah se pehle; aankhen ho band, nikle mera dum....

Saturday, August 07, 2010

end of the beginning... or beginning of the end...

.... dhuan hue kuch pal zindagi ke to jaise aaya mujhe yaad....
.... kash maarna bhool gaya tha main, sutta jalane ke baad....
.... jitni baaki bachi hai, thoda dum bhar ke pee lunga....
.... jab tak pee raha hoon, mar lunga; khatam hogi to shayad jee lunga....


.... of all the dreams destiny made me lose to life....
.... some like easy puzzles; yet others were dilemma strife....
.... not all were important; neither was everything flimsy....
.... insanity lives; even if life is or isn't meant to be....

Friday, August 06, 2010

... until the day of reckoning...

.... boli zindagi, khuddaari se jee, kyun khudgarzo ke peeche marrta hai ....

.... mahashar ke roz, farebi sawaalo ka jawaab, khuda khud tay karta hai....

.... am hurt, but no longer bothered by what someone has done....

.... God knows surely, who lost fairly; 'n who deceptively won....

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Koi kami nahi hai... Maa Badolat...

Prologue:

There aren't enough pages here or anywhere else to archive... but one can hazard a guess that the meanings got lost in translation... this is perhaps a subtle, but the only way to put it...

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A lonely stretch... not a soul in sight, except the two of 'em at the accident spot...

A car, driven recklessly by a pretty young gal, had hit a reveler crossing the street, who admittedly was under the influence of Absolut. The reveler had been completely oblivious of the car coming his way since the street, after much deliberations in the past, had long been declared a permanent no-entry zone....

The scene was pretty gory... pretty 'n gory are an oxymoron but since everything else with the reveler has always been considered to be an oxymoron too, therefore the implication here isn't much ironical either...

The over speeding, out of control car had banged head on into the unsuspecting reveler. The resultant impact of which, the car had almost annihilated the reveler with both his arms getting absolutely mutilated under the wheels... not to add that since the reveler was known by all to carry his heart up the sleeve, the heart too got crushed in the impact... but that's the inane part... at the moment the story is about the mutilated arms and no other triviality...

The reveler was down in anguish... at a first look from far distant, certainly it would have appeared to the onlookers that the injured is dead or surely paralyzed... but as told earlier, there wasn't another soul in sight... a closer look revealed that apparently the reveler was yet alive as he writhed in pain... the writhing was the only known sign of life as the heart had been crushed too... sorry, my bad, still deviating to the inanes...

The gal, without bothering to get out of car, simply rolled down the window a bit and yelled, “Stop the cry of anguish, will ya... what is wrong with ya... ya'r alive 'n still have ya'r legs. That is more important than anything else...”

The reveler cried aloud in pain, “why did ya now drive down this street when it had already been declared safe for walking?”

The gal thought 'n said, “This is a short cut, I have to travel miles, ya see... in any case, no assurances last forever... now don't obstruct, get moving, will ya!”

The reveler was numbed, both by the infliction 'n the sheer callousness, “I am almost a vegetable... am disabled, will need time 'n care to get up”

This infuriated the gal, “I know ya'r doing this only to get trillion sympathies... is it going to solve ya'r problem... look at me, I am hurt too, am I crying... nah, I have to go miles with the smiles... Get a life, will ya”

Still smarting from the pain, the bemused reveler queried, “I am sorry, I didn't know ya got injured too, are ya ok?”

The gal calmly reverted, “no dumbass, I didn't suffer even a scratch, but look at the dent on the bonnet, my heart cries to see that mark on the impeccable sheen... I know ya bastard won't move anytime soon so I'll just reverse my car 'n take off... goodbye... 'n goodbye doesn't means farewell, if ever I see ya on this road again, I'll come back unannounced 'n kill ya for sure.... Loser!!!”

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Epilogue:

The gal later was much relieved to find out that the car, despite the mess, emerged scratch less, the dent was only an iota of dirt, which the service station people were too happy to wash off for her... in gratitude, the gal prayed to God, “For a moment, I was shaken fearing the dent would ruin the beauty of my car... but thanks, the car is just like new... I'd come to temple all the subsequent tuesdays if ya will take care of my car, let it be immortal, unlike the jerk I had crushed”

The reveler walks now, 'coz walking is all he knows... but sans hands, is unable to work, to eat, to do anything.... except for walking like a dead man, a zombie... shocked 'n scared of another mishap, he now refuses to go down any street, any road, any path...

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

no balls, no guts; how does then a cheat handle the heat...

ya'r no butterfly in sunshine; why in love was I an insane dirt

I got ya happiness; ya slyly inflicted me the hurt

I kept my word, not swear; yet ya cheated in a way too curt

stabbed me; left no trail, now ya wanna walk the miles

I'd be sans the laughter; wickedly but ya hold on to smiles

Superman won't fly ever; if he knew Krypton was planet of lies

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Who wants to be a Zillionaire...

Welcome to “Who wants to be a Zillionaire”; answer correctly the 15 questions 'n stay the winner for life....

Question 1: Were ya 'n I aware who we were 'n where we were without any pretensions whatsoever right from the beginning?

Answer 1: No

Question 2: Did I tell ya time 'n again, sometimes several times every second, how crazily I loved ya?

Answer 2: No

Question 3: Did ya assure me time 'n again, verbally 'n in writing, not to mention thru ya'r caressing touch 'n the glint of ya'r eyes, how much ya loved me too?

Answer 3: No

Question 4: Did ya 'n I ever tell each other that we are the perfect soulmates despite the obvious differences... something that we celebrated every moment but which was incomprehensible to everyone around us?

Answer 4: No

Question 5: Did ya ever tell me ya wanted to spend as much time with me as possible every day 'coz that is the best part of ya'r day?

Answer 5: No

Question 6: Did I sometimes endlessly waited over hours 'n days only to spend few minutes with ya believing each moment with ya was worth a lifetime?

Answer 6: No

Question 7: Did I allow ya to the innermost core of my heart where I won't allow anyone else ever again?

Answer 7: No

Question 8: Did ya confide in me ya'r deepest 'n darkest secrets which no-one else was aware of 'n none will ever be?

Answer 8: No

Question 9: Did I ever care for ya in health 'n sickness, in highs 'n lows, doing all that I could?

Answer 9: No

Question 10: Were ya ever worried that I was famished 'n ya made sure I ate something that ya had cooked especially for me?

Answer 10: No

Question 11: Were we comfortable sharing our food, our feelings, our desires, our dreams, our joys, our sorrows, our time, our honesty, our lies?

Answer 11: No

Question 12: Were ya 'n I able to intimately bare to each other, both the soul 'n the body, without any veil or dilemma?

Answer 12: No

Question 13: Did ya 'n I ever commit to each other sans any written agreement, 'coz promises could well go bust but the word of honor was meant to last always 'n forever?

Answer 13: No

Question 14: If the answers to all the above questions is a confirmed No, does it indicate we were in love 'n beyond?

Answer 14: No

Question 15: If the answers to all the above questions is an emphatic YES, does it confirm we were in love 'n beyond?

Answer 15: Yes... I mean No...

Question 16: Sorry, what?

Answer 16: See, for all ya know, ya may have well been hallucinating all along.... err... wait a minute, on second thoughts, I have a more plausible answer... ya don't have a mind 'n I do, whole world knows ya'r a self confessed insane... 'n ya have the heart 'n I don't, did I not confess it to ya the other day... so what's the big deal... I can change my mind 'n ya can change ya'r heart...

Question 17: How on earth will I ever change my heart?

Answer 17: I don't care... I am only playing this game 'n ya don't own me... I don't owe ya any further answers 'coz the 15 questions are over 'n done with... now apologize for wasting my time 'n scoot, I have work to do...

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Disclaimer: “Who wants to be a Zillionaire” is an absolutely fictitious game just like love, soulmates 'n other similar shit is... All those who have wasted precious time reading this, please stop wasting ya'r life... Get a life on ya'r own, no-one is ever gonna make ya a Zillionaire...

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Oye Lucky... Loki Oye...

.... ya'r lucky if ya have the switch to love 'n un-love....

.... ya'r loki if ya'r at the receiving end of that switch....

.... kaha tha tumne zindagi ke iss mod pe dur jaate ho kyun...
.... badle hai kya riwaaz jo tum chhorte ho mera haath....

.... bewafai par kamzor nikli hai tere pyaar ki tarah yun....
.... kambaqt saansein ab bhi wafaa se de rahi hai mera saath...

Monday, August 02, 2010

planned assault...

.... ya'r lucky if ya have noises in ya'r brain known as introspection....

.... ya'r loki if ya have noises in ya'r heart known as heartbeats...

.... itni khamoshi se kiya hai mere qatl ka iraada rehnuma ne....

.... ab dil ka dhadakna bhi lagta mujhe beganaa shor hai....

ain't no sunshine.... 'coz it wasn't a sunshine...

.... yun laga jaise unchi imaaraten
mere hisse ka suraj kha gayi....

.... hosh aaya to jaana andhere ne
pyaar mein andha tha kiya....

.... from Dudda to Dud.... no reasons... but a sorry is suffice...

... don't look for a soulmate... don't believe when someone says that ya'r one... it is just a poetic myth, a folklore, a fantasy.... affection to affliction is an inevitable avoidable journey... don't let the words, touch 'n eyes fool ya into the trap of immortal love or any such shit... unbelievable as it may still be, the irreplaceable invaluable can abysmally crash lower to the value of dime a dozen dud...

... bhar gaya agar to nishaan badsurat dikhega....
.... issi khayaal ke sadke zakhm ko noche jaa raha hoon main....

... chehre parh ke samajhne ki koshish yahan bekaar hai...
... mehsoos kiya yeh maine shabdo ke maayne badalne ke baad...

Sunday, August 01, 2010

like a phoenix, I'd rise from the ashes.... but until 'en, it is my destiny to burn...

.... khawabon ki khaak ko sambhala jo maine dil mein uss shaam....

.... katil ko fikr hui mere gard haath daaman uss ka mailla na kar de....

Abused....

... “always 'n forever” is the second most abused phrase after “I love ya”.... everyone uses it everywhere without bothering to comprehend it even once...

A friend.... sorry, my bad... A stranger...

.... a stranger could well be the friend that ya haven't met as yet.... but a friend is surely a stranger that ya haven't realised as yet.... for whatever the fuck it is worth, have a happy friendship day / stranger day, as applicable.... take care....