wandering unflinchingly...

... bewafaa kaafir hoon phir bhi wafaa kar raha hoon khuda ki zidd se...

... bina dam bhi damaadam chale jaa raha hoon, manzil se dur aake...


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Fatal Confusion...

... iss qadar hangaama hua waqt ki betahaashaa raftaar mein...

... murdah dil mere paas raha; dhadkane main kahin bhool aaya...



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incompletely complete... or am I completely incomplete...

... jaahil hoon, na malum aabaadi mein barbaad hoon ya barbaadi mein aabaad...

... par dard ke maaanee samjha hoon main lafz ke maaanee badalne ke baad...



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Losing all that was mine... to someone who never was...

merrily I wandered in dark, until I saw a ray...

sure it appeared like the sunshine of an eternal day...

surreal or was I hallucinating, an atheist began to pray...

did I see God, or was this a game destiny wanted to play...

I took few familiar steps into an unknown domain...

was told there are joys to share along with the pain...

staking all, but aware, I wasn't meant to gain...

believing it a mirror, finding reflection in a pane...

parched desert hopelessly seeking it's share of rain...

sure wasn't meant to be yet I was up to the task...

incorrigible became vulnerable sans any mask...

ironically 'en it dawned was always in dusk...

insanely building a castle on a whiff of musk...

start till the end, what now seems a sour bargain...

losing all I had, yet not an iota I could reclaim...

loggerheads with Almighty, yes I take all the blame...

I wander, not so merrily, in dark, forever again...


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The rise... 'n the downfall...

... aks ke saath ka janoon bhi mukammal nasamjh tha meri tarah...

... judaa ho jayega shaam hogi jab, yeh soch khud ko jalaata raha...


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The fake that I am... starting right from my smile...

... tauba toh kar li hai maine ab bevajeh muskurane se yun...

... phir bhi kehkahe laga rahi hai haar pe zindagi, na jaane kyun...


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Breaking news...

... thoda gumm hoon ya zyada zaaya, mujhe apni khabar ka pata nahin...

... sayano se suna hai zehar ko chaashni samajhne ka gunehgaar hoon...
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Incorrigible 'n Ignorant...

... kuch aisa hai dastoor yahan sayaano ke taur tareeko ka...

... maarne ke baad kehte hai zinda hote tum to koi baat thi...



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Kuari Passed... I Failed...

... nasamajh jawaab hai meri tarah to kyun phir hairat ho...

... vaadii-o-kohasar mein goonjta farebi sawaal tha main...

The Kuari Pass trek was intended for some soul searching; neither the trek actually happened 'coz of bad weather nor did I find any sane perspective 'coz few pieces of the jigsaw are forever missing.

But it was fun 'n adventure; brought back memories 'n pics!

Cheers!
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See ya when I see ya...

Absolut x 3 Bottles.... Check

Dunhill x 2 Cartons.... Check

Nikon with 18~200.... Check

Believe that's all that I would be needing for the 7 day Kuari Pass Trek...

B'day wishes in advance to all those amazing people whose b'days I'd miss during this period... Have a rocking year 'n life ahead!

... 'n much thanks 'n apologies as 'n where applicable.
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FAD... (via ~ Alok Manaktala on email)

The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the "Heroin Addiction Department (HAD)," the "Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)" and the "Bingo Addiction Department (BAD)." 

Then she spotted the department she was looking for: "Facebook Addiction Department (FAD)."
 
It was the busiest department in the clinic, with about three dozen people filling the waiting room, most of them staring blankly into their Blackberries and iPhones. 

A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering, "I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows."
A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands, while a curly-haired woman comforted him.

"Don't worry. It'll be all right."
 
"I just don't understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy, but none of my friends even clicked the 'like' button."
 
"How long has it been?"
 
"Almost five minutes. That's like five months in the real world."
 
The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called, then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu, Facebook Addiction Counselor.

"Please have a seat, Edna," he said with a warm smile. "And tell me how it all started."
 
"Well, it's all my grandson's fault. He sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me, because I usually have my face in a book."
 
"How soon were you hooked?"
 
"Faster than you can say 'create a profile.' I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day -- and more times at night. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night to check it, just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India. My husband didn't like that. He said that friendship is a precious thing and should never be outsourced."
 
"What do you like most about Facebook?"

"It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world, I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674. I'm even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya."
 
"Who's he?"
 
"I don't know, but he's got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous."
 
"Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see."
 
"Oh yes. I've even connected with some of the gals from high school -- I still call them 'gals.' I hadn't heard from some of them in ages, so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who's retired, who's still working, and who's had some work done. I love browsing their photos and reading their updates. I know where they've been on vacation, which movies they've watched, and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under. I've also been playing a game with some of them."

"Let me guess. Farmville?"
 
"No, Mafia Wars. I'm a Hitman. No one messes with Edna."

"Wouldn't you rather meet some of your friends in person?"
 
"No, not really. It's so much easier on Facebook. We don't need to gussy ourselves up. We don't need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash. That's the best thing about Facebook -- you can't smell anyone. Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic. One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken, I'm pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration."
 
"What pic are you using?"
 
"Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic, but couldn't find one I really liked. So I decided to visit the local beauty salon."

"To make yourself look prettier?"
 
"No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there. That's what I'm using."
 
"Didn't your friends notice that you look different?"
 
"Some of them did, but I just told them I've been doing lots of yoga."
 
"When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?"
 
"I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: 'I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.'"
 
"What did you do?"
 
"What else? I unfriended him of course!"
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In a first, pacemaker fitted in brain helps cure OCD - The Times of India

In a rare first for Asia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) -- a medical condition that results in repetitive behaviour such as handwashing, counting, checking or cleaning -- has been treated with a pacemaker fitted in parts of the brain.

A team from VIMHANS in the capital has successfully implanted a pacemaker in the brain of an OCD patient, which has "significantly reduced her peculiarities in just two weeks time".

The team, including neurosurgeons Dr Alok Gupta and Dr Sanjeev Kumar and psychiatrist Dr Ashutosh Tripathi, used Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) to implant the pacemaker for sending electrical impulses to specific parts of the brain.

DBS, which has been used in select brain regions till now, has provided remarkable therapeutic benefits for disorders like such as Parkinson's and dystonia. However, it has been used for the first time to treat OCD.

" DBS involves precise stimulation of particular parts of the brain through the implantation of removable electrodes. Two electrodes have been wired to both sides of patient's brain (anterior limb of internal capsule) which communicate through the pacemaker, the battery of which has been put inside her chest. We can alter the function of any part of the brain by stimulating it. If stimulated with low frequency electrodes, the area starts to get excited. With high frequency, it blocks off the pathway and reduces symptoms. In her case, we used high frequency electrodes to block the pathway of the brain that was causing OCD," Dr Gupta explained.

The 48-year female patient had been suffering from OCD for the past 21 years.She had been living in constant fear of all kinds of touch, scared that any contact with her children or object would severely soil her hands.

Her condition had become so acute that she stopped eating or going to the toilet on her own. In fact, she would sit all day on the bed without touching anything, waiting for her children or husband to feed her or take her to the toilet.

To make matters worse, if she touched anything by mistake, she would wash it several times. Strangely, she would not turn off the tap even after using it.

"Two weeks since the implant, she has not just started eating on her own but is now completely independent," Dr Gupta added.

Though there are a number of medications and psychological therapies available to treat OCD, it is estimated that about 10% patients don't respond adequately to these first-line interventions.

"DBS is for those patients who don't respond to medication. Psychiatrists need to identify these patients before the brain pacemaker could be used. Besides, the price of this form of treatment is yet to be determined. DBS used for Parkinson's patients costs $8000 in India," Dr Gupta said.

DBS has several advantages over traditional brain surgery for OCD. It can be used to treat symptoms with little risk of permanent changes in the brain. The level of stimulation can be adjusted, and the stimulation can be used continuously or intermittently depending on the treatment plan.

Since the surgery is minimally invasive, it has a reduced potential for side effects.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/In-a-first-pacemaker-fitted-in-brain-helps-cure-OCD/articleshow/6555082.cms

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Masked Love...

... yeh judaa baat hai nahin pehchanta main yahan chehre pe lage chehro ko...

... par qayamat hogi agar bina baehroop ke koi aaye aur bole pehchana mujhe...

Emergency...

Me: It's an emergency with the heart 'n hope... heart was hit first, revive the heart now 'coz hope only started sinking on knowing that heart had been a casualty.

God: Sorry, can't do much for the heart, it's almost dead, will try to save the hope.

Me: No need, hope overheard ya say this 'n has died outta shock even before heart is dead.

God: R.I.P



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Struggle of an Atheist...

... rehnuma ne kaha asli ibaadat hoti hai aankhen band kar yahan...

... badi shiddat se thokar khayi toh rahbar ne poocha andhaa hai kya...

... maybe a thing or two...

God: Do ya believe ya know more than me that ya always question my actions...

Me: Nah! not really... except maybe a thing or two...

God: Nonsense! I know everything!

Me: OK, do ya know what hurt is...

God: Who can hurt me, I am Almighty, the creator!

Me: But I know what hurt is...

God: Err...

Me: It hurt now, didn't it...


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... A painful death... 86400 times a day... apparently I live still... or is it a still life...

... aise bhi imtehaan hote hain intehaa ke yahan har lamhaa ab...

... zakhmon pe hasna padta hai; marham pe hoti hai aankhen namm...


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The majestic brilliance of butterfly in sunshine...

... kuch aisa mukammal jalaal tha, tere husn kamaal ka...

... ehsaas khanjar ke aagaaz ka, mujhe anjaam ke baad chala...



..... pehchani shaam ki anjaani sard hawa ne apni zidd mein zindagi ki kitaab ke panne udda diye... kuch panne dhoond laya, kuch nahi mile... yaad to sab hai unn panno pe kya likha tha... par kitaab hamesha ki liye adhuri reh gayi...

Aaina...

... ek muddat ke baad aaina dekha to jaise phir khud ko yeh ehsaas hua...

... adhuri tasweer mein rang bharne ki khataa to Khuda ne bhi nahin ki...

so this is as complete as it gets...

wonder though if now I am incompletely complete or completely incomplete...
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I realise ... all that ya revealed...

... bey ilm hoon, par ehsaas hai ki hoon main yahan sayaano ke darmiyan...

... kahin yeh be-khudi na toot jaye, issi niyat se aaj shaam thodi aur pi hai...
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kya fasaana... kya haqeeqat...

... sajde mein jiske tamaam umer bhi lagti thi kabhi kamm...

... uss Ilaahi ki ibaadat se ab maine tauba kar li hai...
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I am what I am...

... am a walking manual of all that ya may wanna abhor...
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The fatal luck...

Ya'r lucky if ya draw three aces in a game of flash...

Ya'r loki if that particular game is a variation round where the smallest combination wins...

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... 'n this is what I've now become to be... an open wound with infinite pain...

... some hurts are like quicksand... the more I try to find my way out, the more it sucks me in... not much choice except to lay still till my journey's over...

Q & A...

... why am I an atheist isn't amongst the questions that I have for life; it is why was I ever a believer that I am seeking an answer to...

I want to find my way to ya'r memories; 'n lay there still...

.... I want my epitaph to read, “the credits may have rolled; but the story remains incomplete”...

... I no longer believe in love 'n soulmates yet I do appreciate the lessons learnt... Happy Teacher's Day to all who have given me invaluable lessons to take six feet under... am always 'n forever indebted...

... afsoos kyun ho mujhe agar meri ruswaayi mein tu shaamil hai...

... lazim hai yun to fareb bhi zindagi ki nasihat samajhne ke liye...

... trying to cover up a small hole by creating a humongous crater may seem to be like an impossible task for everyone else but not for me... apparently it helps that the hole is in my heart; 'n it's even more helpful that I am insane...

... saansien bhi nihayat besharam hai jaise meri tarah...

... judaa ho zindagi se yun be-kas chalti hai ab bevajeh...

... the emptiness 'n beyond...

... barbaad ishq mein andhe hone ka yakeenan hua yeh faayda...

... aaine mein apne aks ki viraani ab dekhni nahi padti...


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... all my senses, including the sixth sense, are as lame as I am; I have to light up a cigarette to assess if the winds have changed directions...


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.. zikr mere sabr ka aaya mehfil mein
toh itminaan se sayaane bole...

... ruki zindagi ko thoda aur rokta hai
kaisa be-sabr deewana hai yeh...

Randomness...

... I want my epitaph to read ~ recalled over technical malfunction... was sans brains 'n 'en heart perished too...



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... being careful of the thorns is mundane now... the real lesson of life lies in being wary of the roses...

... dard se bachna beshaq sikhaya tha kaanton ne...

... ranjish ki intehaa par phoolon ne samjhayee hai...


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.... kuch barbaad hai yeh kambaqt dillaagi....

.... bekafan dafn hai apni hi taabuut mein....

.... sometimes in daze, I wonder if life somehow realizes that I am too numb now; 'n with every morrow, it reveals that life goes on, oblivious of anything 'n everything; probably it's too dumb anyhow....

.... akela viraan dekha jo maine ek sookha hua ziddi bargad....

.... ahsaas hua bahaar to hum dono ne dekhi thi ek saath....



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.... khuda se pehle ibaadat mein kabhi ek naam lete they mere labb....

.... kyun par purzor daarte hain Rabb ko bhi apna maanne mein woh ab....

.... kite runner lost in quest of a rainbow; kite, hues 'n the runner are all now torn....

.... atheism to faith 'n 'en to disbelief is a journey futile yet unending it remains on....






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