Calories

Hey...

You can have a look at this table and get to know about loosing weight

LOSE SOME WEIGHT

Sex is the most practical and funniest way of losing weight. Look how many calories you can burn:

* TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her agreement..............................12 cal
Without her agreement..........................187 cal

* TAKING OFF THE BRA
With both hands..................................8 cal
With one hand...................................12 cal
With one hand being slapped.....................37 cal
With the mouth..................................85 cal

* PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
With erection....................................6 cal
Without erection...............................315 cal

* PRELIMINARIES
Trying to find the clitoris......................8 cal
Trying to find G spot...........................92 cal
Without caring at all............................0 cal

* WHEN DOING IT
Holding her up..................................12 cal
Just on the floor................................8 cal

* POSITIONS
daddy-mummy.................................... 12 cal
69 laying........................................8 cal
69 standing up.................................112 cal
Trolley........................................216 cal
Italian chandelier.............................912 cal

* HAVING AN ORGASM
Real...........................................112 cal
Fake...........................................315 cal

* POST ORGASM
Staying in bed..................................18 cal
Jumping off the bed.............................36 cal
Explaining why she jumped off the bed..........816 cal

* GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION
Between 16 and 19 years of age...................12 cal
from 20 to 29....................................36 cal
from 30 to 39...................................108 cal
from 40 to 49...................................324 cal
from 50 to 59...................................972 cal
over 60........................................2916 cal

* PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES
Quietly..........................................32 cal
Being in a hurry.................................98 cal
With her husband opening the door..............10218 cal

Just Do It... !!

Bu, Chu and Fu

Three Chinese Bu, Chu and Fu went to USA.

They decided to Americanize their names.

Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck, Fu decided to go back to China.

Later the three Chinese Bu, Fu and Chu went to India.

They decided to Indianize their names.

Bu became Butia, Fu became Futia, Chu decided to go back to China.

Virgin

Banta: Was your wife a virgin when you married?

Santa: I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.

Old age...

The first old man: "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face."

The second old man: "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."

The third old man laughed and said: "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!" .

Rape Trial

In a rape trial, the lawyer asked the victim, " Did you scream for help?"

The victim replied, " Yes Sir!"

The lawyer further enquired, "Did anyone come?"

The victim shyly replied, " Yes Sir, first I did, then he did."

Down Under

Santa goes to Australia and unfortunately has a car accident and is taken to hospital unconscious.

The next day he comes to and asks "Did I come here to die?"

A doctor replies "Naw mate, ya came here yesterday".

The 3 biggest tragedies in a mans life...

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

Join the Club...

A woman answers the phone in a busy office, "Good morning, Parachute Club."
Santa replied, "Excuse me, but isn't this Prostitute Club?"

"Oh no sir," came the embarrassed reply, "this is Parachute Club."

"Damn!" said Santa. "I'm afraid I made a big mistake. Last week your salesman called and signed me up for two jumps a week.".

Bar

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.

Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn".

The gynecologist

"Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient.

"Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," the blonde replied, "but not by a doctor!".