Tuesday, July 13, 2010
tell me something....
.... everything's fair in love 'n war.... not a realization, nor is it a revelation.... but I do need to know if it's love or if it's war....
Face off...
... undoubtedly destiny can weave a web... but equally web can loop the destiny too... 'n that in all honesty is not a fabricated true lie...
Que Sera Sera...
.... anjaan hoon apne mustaqbil se, na malum anjaam kya hoga.... par jaanta hoon meri har saans rahegi ghulam teri, mujh se azaad hone tak....
.... losing my way amongst the puzzle of the things that are meant to be 'n those that aren't meant to be, I realise that ya'd be my Goddess, always 'n forever....
.... losing my way amongst the puzzle of the things that are meant to be 'n those that aren't meant to be, I realise that ya'd be my Goddess, always 'n forever....
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Goddess...
.... like a parched land devoid of the rains, I was never meant to witness a rainbow.... like a miracle ya came, 'n now I believe, in the desert, someday a river will flow....
... har pal ki dastaan...
.... hairaan hoon jannat ke fasaane kaise bayaan kar lete hai kuch log yahan....
kya suna di hai tune unko, tere pehlu mein beete, mere har pal ki daastan....
kya suna di hai tune unko, tere pehlu mein beete, mere har pal ki daastan....
zikr...
haan sach hai, sabne sune hain iss mehfil mein charche dard ke... kuch aankhen bayaan kar gayi, kuch khamoshi ne ki hai baatein...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
salvation....
deewane ko lagti hai jannat tujh mein shumaar...
har dua tu, hai tu hi parawar-digaar....
parwane ki bismillah hai shama mein....
kya faraq, agar mitt jaon main har baar....
the faith I live, ya'r my prayer too sane...
waning but finding salvation in the pain...
like a moth blessedly attracted to the flame....
die it will, alive but shall the dream remain...
har dua tu, hai tu hi parawar-digaar....
parwane ki bismillah hai shama mein....
kya faraq, agar mitt jaon main har baar....
the faith I live, ya'r my prayer too sane...
waning but finding salvation in the pain...
like a moth blessedly attracted to the flame....
die it will, alive but shall the dream remain...
Friday, July 09, 2010
Ishq...
.... bepanaah teri chahat mein jo manzar jannat ka hai naseeb hua.... ab aaqabat mein uss se, Khuda bhi kahan behtar mukaam dega....
... Twain...
.... I live as much in the dreams as much as God ji wants me to live in the reality.... so be it... for now, am maintaining the status quo between God ji 'n the incorrigible... but I absolutely intend to make the twains meet far too often that one day even God ji falters in distinguishing between the two...
... to keep a woman happy...
There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy. One is to take her shopping. The rest is 69.... whoa... by that yardstick, I am a woman too... oops
Thursday, July 08, 2010
ek shaam...
.... chahat teri panaah ki, yun ek shaam toofan aaya...
.... aarzu ab fanaa ki , toofan woh bhi na mukaam laya..
.... aarzu ab fanaa ki , toofan woh bhi na mukaam laya..
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Toto...
.... fakat itna hi zikr tere husn ka hai mukammal.... Khuda bhi khud ko daad deta hai tujhe banane ke baad....
Sunday, July 04, 2010
love ya my eternal sunshine....
doobta hoon teri aankhon ki gehraiyon mein main iss kadar....
tere alawa bhi hai koi Khuda, nahi jaanta, main hoon bekhabar....
I wish to savor every rise 'n dawn thru ya'r eyes....
ya'r the only God I believe, an atheist couldn't live otherwise....
tere alawa bhi hai koi Khuda, nahi jaanta, main hoon bekhabar....
I wish to savor every rise 'n dawn thru ya'r eyes....
ya'r the only God I believe, an atheist couldn't live otherwise....
Friday, July 02, 2010
... jannat...
.... khuda ne jab jannat banane ki aarzoo ki hogi....
.....yakeenan tera chehra uska sabab rahi hogi....
.....yakeenan tera chehra uska sabab rahi hogi....
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Insanity...
.... It's insane to let someone be ya'r dictionary when ya'r just a thesaurus to 'em.... on a separate note, I am an ISO 9002 certified insanity....
qayamat...
.... saath nibhane ke iqraar ko dafan kiya tune to gham nahin.... marne pe mere, agar kafan dene se inkaar kiya to bahut qayamat hogi....
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Rabb...
zaaya parvaana samjho ya kaho gul-shudaa...
saudaii nahin, hoon main deewana juda...
mausam ki tarah badalte hai sayaane mazhab...
kaafir hoon iss liye nahin badal pata apna khuda...
saudaii nahin, hoon main deewana juda...
mausam ki tarah badalte hai sayaane mazhab...
kaafir hoon iss liye nahin badal pata apna khuda...
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
khafaa khuda...
.... nahi janoon se anjaan, khafaa hai par ibaadat se meri.... uss se pehle naam tera leta hoon, yeh haar Khuda ko naagavaar hai...
tere bin...
.... mehsoos hota hai har hajoom ek sannaata bin tere.... dil ka khamosh dhadakna bhi ab lagta mujhe shor hai....
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Love ya.... more than ya want me to.... more than i should....
I wish ya a life full of eternal hues, that ya lend some for the rainbow...
I wish ya always fly up so high, decimating the Everest peaks of snow...
I wish ya be blessed of ceaseless joy, sans ever a tear, laughters but infinite...
I wish ya an immeasurable glow in life, sunshine pales, never but ya so bright...
I wish ya get all that ya want, all that ya desire, everything that ya seek...
I wish ya success of permanent grant, nothing to obstruct, an incline safe 'n steep...
I wish ya stay the winner in life, never ever ya lose, enormously ya gain...
I wish ya never ever face a strife, always too happy, never an iota of pain...
I wish ya have surpluses for charity, appreciating the value, never the price...
I wish for ya the eternity, may ya forever be in a paradise...
I wish ya be a synonym of bliss, the only blessings that I send...
I wish ya my Goddess, have nothing amiss, I'd rise from ashes, if ya ever need a friend...
Love ya.... more than ya want me to... more than I should...
I wish ya always fly up so high, decimating the Everest peaks of snow...
I wish ya be blessed of ceaseless joy, sans ever a tear, laughters but infinite...
I wish ya an immeasurable glow in life, sunshine pales, never but ya so bright...
I wish ya get all that ya want, all that ya desire, everything that ya seek...
I wish ya success of permanent grant, nothing to obstruct, an incline safe 'n steep...
I wish ya stay the winner in life, never ever ya lose, enormously ya gain...
I wish ya never ever face a strife, always too happy, never an iota of pain...
I wish ya have surpluses for charity, appreciating the value, never the price...
I wish for ya the eternity, may ya forever be in a paradise...
I wish ya be a synonym of bliss, the only blessings that I send...
I wish ya my Goddess, have nothing amiss, I'd rise from ashes, if ya ever need a friend...
Love ya.... more than ya want me to... more than I should...
Friday, June 04, 2010
Love ya still... or was it a still love....
I still travel back to the immortal times which no longer are...
I still believe the three immortal words that went below par...
I still trust ya'r promise which died without trying, unwilling to go far...
I still believe in ya'r sunshine although dusk is all that seeps in my life ajar...
I still hope, yet aware that hope perished first, didn't wait till the end...
I still believe in destiny, despite it weaving an unsolicited bend...
I still believe the azure is blue, no longer but more than me...
I still believe deserts could cultivate one day, but I won't be there to see...
I still believe in love for it was meant to be always 'n forever ...
I still believe ya loved me when ya said ya did, or did ya never...
An answer I guess wouldn't ever know...
until I meet God six feet under whenever I go...
I still believe the three immortal words that went below par...
I still trust ya'r promise which died without trying, unwilling to go far...
I still believe in ya'r sunshine although dusk is all that seeps in my life ajar...
I still hope, yet aware that hope perished first, didn't wait till the end...
I still believe in destiny, despite it weaving an unsolicited bend...
I still believe the azure is blue, no longer but more than me...
I still believe deserts could cultivate one day, but I won't be there to see...
I still believe in love for it was meant to be always 'n forever ...
I still believe ya loved me when ya said ya did, or did ya never...
An answer I guess wouldn't ever know...
until I meet God six feet under whenever I go...
Friday, December 11, 2009
comprehensively incomprehensible...
I comprehend we knew it right from the start...
our union had no logic, but it had all the heart...
what I don't is how to put an end...
to a moment, a day, when I don't hold ya'r hand...
I comprehend that am a moth attracted to the flame...
will fight with my Almighty, can die but can't be tame...
what I don't is why my surreal wish destiny couldn't share...
why I crave for love, when ya gave me plenty care...
I comprehend that I dream 'coz am still not dead...
parched eyes now although veins didn't bled...
what I don't is why am a dead soul yet I walk...
a vagabond spirit, maybe that's why, ya I stalk...
I comprehend that I ain't ya'r book, but just a torn page...
realisation is frustrating but have no rage...
what I don't is if we have different path, separate door...
why 'en incorrigible I, still want to look for something more...
I comprehend that maybe I am an uncovered tear...
but dime a dozen not, only for ya I fear...
what I don't is why 'en ya find me selfish...
if all I ever wanted was a glimpse of ya'r bliss...
I comprehend am insane, insanely putting a quantum on love...
fly sky high my love, never be a caged dove...
what I don't is how I go on when ya won't be there...
have nowhere to hide, my masked soul is bare...
I comprehend we aren't ever meant to be...
ya'r my goddess 'n I am ya'r barren tree...
what I don't is if ya want me or maybe not...
love to wish, wish to love but shall remain my final cot...
I comprehend have no future, there's no morrow...
ya'r my eternal star 'n all I reverted was bag full of sorrow...
what I don't is why there's a sky without ya or land...
God bless ya heaven, 'n hell forever be where I stand...
Amen!
our union had no logic, but it had all the heart...
what I don't is how to put an end...
to a moment, a day, when I don't hold ya'r hand...
I comprehend that am a moth attracted to the flame...
will fight with my Almighty, can die but can't be tame...
what I don't is why my surreal wish destiny couldn't share...
why I crave for love, when ya gave me plenty care...
I comprehend that I dream 'coz am still not dead...
parched eyes now although veins didn't bled...
what I don't is why am a dead soul yet I walk...
a vagabond spirit, maybe that's why, ya I stalk...
I comprehend that I ain't ya'r book, but just a torn page...
realisation is frustrating but have no rage...
what I don't is if we have different path, separate door...
why 'en incorrigible I, still want to look for something more...
I comprehend that maybe I am an uncovered tear...
but dime a dozen not, only for ya I fear...
what I don't is why 'en ya find me selfish...
if all I ever wanted was a glimpse of ya'r bliss...
I comprehend am insane, insanely putting a quantum on love...
fly sky high my love, never be a caged dove...
what I don't is how I go on when ya won't be there...
have nowhere to hide, my masked soul is bare...
I comprehend we aren't ever meant to be...
ya'r my goddess 'n I am ya'r barren tree...
what I don't is if ya want me or maybe not...
love to wish, wish to love but shall remain my final cot...
I comprehend have no future, there's no morrow...
ya'r my eternal star 'n all I reverted was bag full of sorrow...
what I don't is why there's a sky without ya or land...
God bless ya heaven, 'n hell forever be where I stand...
Amen!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
surreal desires...
wish I had the power to make ya mine...
goddess, forever ya'r the eternal sunshine...
wish I had the power to freeze the time...
ya'r the venus, ya'r the beauty sublime...
wish I had the power to join the joyride...
only ya can soothe my life's rough tide...
wish I had the power to conquer the seas...
God granting me ya, no more unheeded pleas...
wish I had the power to tame the peak...
ya'r my solitary ray in a life too bleak...
wish I had the power to find something true...
never ever fading, ya'r the rainbow with all perfect hue...
wish I had the power to be ya'r worth...
ya complete me, 'n 'en nothing is dearth...
wish I had the power to run high in sky...
ya showed me hope 'n now lame me can fly...
wish I had the power to be sane on the brink...
ya, my elixir of life, I really wanna drink...
wish I had the power to mold the impending...
promising ya my love with commitment unending...
wish I had the power to outrun the fate...
life would be a true bliss, if ya were my mate...
wish I had the power to gain the paradise...
nothing compares to ya, nothing else is suffice...
wish I had the power to pray 'n make it real...
our love is forever, wishes are but only surreal...
goddess, forever ya'r the eternal sunshine...
wish I had the power to freeze the time...
ya'r the venus, ya'r the beauty sublime...
wish I had the power to join the joyride...
only ya can soothe my life's rough tide...
wish I had the power to conquer the seas...
God granting me ya, no more unheeded pleas...
wish I had the power to tame the peak...
ya'r my solitary ray in a life too bleak...
wish I had the power to find something true...
never ever fading, ya'r the rainbow with all perfect hue...
wish I had the power to be ya'r worth...
ya complete me, 'n 'en nothing is dearth...
wish I had the power to run high in sky...
ya showed me hope 'n now lame me can fly...
wish I had the power to be sane on the brink...
ya, my elixir of life, I really wanna drink...
wish I had the power to mold the impending...
promising ya my love with commitment unending...
wish I had the power to outrun the fate...
life would be a true bliss, if ya were my mate...
wish I had the power to gain the paradise...
nothing compares to ya, nothing else is suffice...
wish I had the power to pray 'n make it real...
our love is forever, wishes are but only surreal...
Friday, November 06, 2009
Economics...
It is the month of August on the shores of the Black Sea. It is
raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough
times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays
a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the
rooms upstairs in order to choose one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt
to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig
grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to
the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay
his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her
"services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro
note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when
she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter
so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and
takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the
rooms, and leaves the town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt,
and looks to the future with a lot of optimism...
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States is doing
business today :-)
raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough
times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays
a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the
rooms upstairs in order to choose one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt
to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig
grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to
the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay
his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her
"services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro
note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when
she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter
so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and
takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the
rooms, and leaves the town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt,
and looks to the future with a lot of optimism...
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States is doing
business today :-)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A prayer from the heart...
ya'r my sight, ya'r my sense...
unwavering love 'n no pretense...
'n ya my goddess shall have it all...
I'd be ya'r cushion if, God forbid, ya fall...
our love is a melody, perfect in rhyme...
the blissful joy, treasured forever prime...
the hours with ya fly like a moment...
'n a moment with ya is worth a lifetime...
my love, ya deserve all, the eternity...
ya'r an angel ensuing me the sanity...
heaven without ya will be just a trace...
Almighty I see, beaming in ya'r face...
wish time freezes when am with ya...
'n praying it flies, the time ya'r away...
ya'r the the soulmate I always searched...
why 'en destiny twisted an irony, I say...
without ya, am like a dead man walking...
making no sense, every day is a flogging...
like a bird in a cage, struggling to flee...
surely all next lifetimes, we're meant to be...
Amen!
unwavering love 'n no pretense...
'n ya my goddess shall have it all...
I'd be ya'r cushion if, God forbid, ya fall...
our love is a melody, perfect in rhyme...
the blissful joy, treasured forever prime...
the hours with ya fly like a moment...
'n a moment with ya is worth a lifetime...
my love, ya deserve all, the eternity...
ya'r an angel ensuing me the sanity...
heaven without ya will be just a trace...
Almighty I see, beaming in ya'r face...
wish time freezes when am with ya...
'n praying it flies, the time ya'r away...
ya'r the the soulmate I always searched...
why 'en destiny twisted an irony, I say...
without ya, am like a dead man walking...
making no sense, every day is a flogging...
like a bird in a cage, struggling to flee...
surely all next lifetimes, we're meant to be...
Amen!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Immortal Love...
I wasn't convinced the rainbow was real...
until I saw it alive in ya'r beautiful smile...
I wasn't convinced I had a destination...
until ya held my hand 'n walked a mile...
I wasn't convinced that the earth moved...
until I savored the infinite joys in ya'r eyes...
I wasn't convinced the peaks were high...
until I dreamt too ya'r vision so wise...
I wasn't convinced the seas were deep...
until the crushing pain I felt when I saw ya cry...
I wasn't convinced the deserts would cultivate...
until ya made me resolute to live 'n try...
I wasn't convinced the skies were blue...
until ya granted me the wings to fly...
I wasn't convinced the dusk was dawning...
until ya gave me hope for the brighter sky...
I wasn't convinced if truly there was a heaven...
until ya filled the vacuum with all ya could give...
I wasn't convinced there was a viable God...
until ya came in my life 'n made me live...
Love ya more than ya thought I could... Love ya more than I thought I could...
until I saw it alive in ya'r beautiful smile...
I wasn't convinced I had a destination...
until ya held my hand 'n walked a mile...
I wasn't convinced that the earth moved...
until I savored the infinite joys in ya'r eyes...
I wasn't convinced the peaks were high...
until I dreamt too ya'r vision so wise...
I wasn't convinced the seas were deep...
until the crushing pain I felt when I saw ya cry...
I wasn't convinced the deserts would cultivate...
until ya made me resolute to live 'n try...
I wasn't convinced the skies were blue...
until ya granted me the wings to fly...
I wasn't convinced the dusk was dawning...
until ya gave me hope for the brighter sky...
I wasn't convinced if truly there was a heaven...
until ya filled the vacuum with all ya could give...
I wasn't convinced there was a viable God...
until ya came in my life 'n made me live...
Love ya more than ya thought I could... Love ya more than I thought I could...
wanting a slice of sky...
lost my emotions, ya tossed to grind...
now dump my heart too, outta ya'r mind...
yes no way, I can dare tame the gale...
everything I do, but still remains so pale...
am I a pawn pausing for ya'r next move...
humming ya'r tune, dancing to ya'r groove...
the promises, but then ya revert to same...
'coz ya rule sunshine, 'coz it's ya'r game...
why can't I be like ya, a distant refrain...
why is my crescent doomed for the constant pain...
mortally waiting for the immortal rain...
cold winters insure I forever remain insane...
am dying, waiting for the reassuring touch...
a desire my destiny finds a bit too much...
loving ya, wanting ya to live my dream...
but maybe I am fated to run outta steam...
goddess, ya'r forever the prayer I pray...
why then, my love loses way, 'n goes astray...
apparently I breathe, yet the life is mar...
running against time, running after my star...
Love ya more than ya thought I could... Love ya more than I thought I could...
now dump my heart too, outta ya'r mind...
yes no way, I can dare tame the gale...
everything I do, but still remains so pale...
am I a pawn pausing for ya'r next move...
humming ya'r tune, dancing to ya'r groove...
the promises, but then ya revert to same...
'coz ya rule sunshine, 'coz it's ya'r game...
why can't I be like ya, a distant refrain...
why is my crescent doomed for the constant pain...
mortally waiting for the immortal rain...
cold winters insure I forever remain insane...
am dying, waiting for the reassuring touch...
a desire my destiny finds a bit too much...
loving ya, wanting ya to live my dream...
but maybe I am fated to run outta steam...
goddess, ya'r forever the prayer I pray...
why then, my love loses way, 'n goes astray...
apparently I breathe, yet the life is mar...
running against time, running after my star...
Love ya more than ya thought I could... Love ya more than I thought I could...
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
an unending gratitude for an unparalleled attitude...
on a road less travelled, largely unknown...
losing way too often, am much too prone...
a miracle nonetheless for the parched land...
not a drop of water, endless miles of sand...
Almighty will, a blooming rose in the middle of a desert...
although nature is, it comes with the thorns imbibed to hurt...
is it really a half glass empty or a half glass full...
try as much, impossible it is, to milk a bull...
those who mattered 'n those who never made the cut...
not now a puzzle, absolutely clear as a rut...
endless pain when sweetness leaves a sour taste...
a lesson learnt hard is but never gone to waste...
apparently it's too little to gain, too much a pain...
yet abnormally, I long too, to be normal again...
losing way too often, am much too prone...
a miracle nonetheless for the parched land...
not a drop of water, endless miles of sand...
Almighty will, a blooming rose in the middle of a desert...
although nature is, it comes with the thorns imbibed to hurt...
is it really a half glass empty or a half glass full...
try as much, impossible it is, to milk a bull...
those who mattered 'n those who never made the cut...
not now a puzzle, absolutely clear as a rut...
endless pain when sweetness leaves a sour taste...
a lesson learnt hard is but never gone to waste...
apparently it's too little to gain, too much a pain...
yet abnormally, I long too, to be normal again...
Sunday, September 06, 2009
an apology to the life for an apology of a life...
the sun in dusk, in search of another day...
ironically still am a lost soul, a lovelorn bay...
a free spin, 'n blue sky is changing hue to gray...
dry parched sea, on a pyre a lifeless body lay...
no merit I find, but ya must have had ya'r reason...
was it ya, or was it the heartless fate plotting the treason...
a shattered broken ray of what seemed like a sunshine...
not my soul, not even heart, can't claim to have anything mine...
was I forever meant to be another needle in the sack of hay...
not what I want, what I pray, submissive to the games ya play...
no mercy, can't claim to own a slice of the heaven shown...
the hell thankfully, can nevertheless claim to be my own...
insanely breaching limit, fast love needlessly going brash...
go find ya'r importance, don't bother, am just a trash...
ya'r right, ya'r the light, 'n infinite I am the dark...
couldn't bite, couldn't fight, crazily continued to bark...
walking 'n falling down a happy rainbow mirage...
no choice, am forsaking life to the contrasting page...
uncaring covers of coldness exposing me numb...
ya didn't push, careless I was, just a sucking dumb...
nothing to feed, an empty vessel of love to find...
a beautiful implausible game, an unrelated uncaring mind...
I am a blind atheist losing his way to pray...
only but me to blame, am ready, go ahead 'n slay...
deaf oh Almighty, are ya, why I wasn't heard...
don't comprehend why sorry is, but an another five letter word...
ironically still am a lost soul, a lovelorn bay...
a free spin, 'n blue sky is changing hue to gray...
dry parched sea, on a pyre a lifeless body lay...
no merit I find, but ya must have had ya'r reason...
was it ya, or was it the heartless fate plotting the treason...
a shattered broken ray of what seemed like a sunshine...
not my soul, not even heart, can't claim to have anything mine...
was I forever meant to be another needle in the sack of hay...
not what I want, what I pray, submissive to the games ya play...
no mercy, can't claim to own a slice of the heaven shown...
the hell thankfully, can nevertheless claim to be my own...
insanely breaching limit, fast love needlessly going brash...
go find ya'r importance, don't bother, am just a trash...
ya'r right, ya'r the light, 'n infinite I am the dark...
couldn't bite, couldn't fight, crazily continued to bark...
walking 'n falling down a happy rainbow mirage...
no choice, am forsaking life to the contrasting page...
uncaring covers of coldness exposing me numb...
ya didn't push, careless I was, just a sucking dumb...
nothing to feed, an empty vessel of love to find...
a beautiful implausible game, an unrelated uncaring mind...
I am a blind atheist losing his way to pray...
only but me to blame, am ready, go ahead 'n slay...
deaf oh Almighty, are ya, why I wasn't heard...
don't comprehend why sorry is, but an another five letter word...
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
listening the unsaid... ignoring the voices...
stark truth, the life finds us a trifling...
summers of love are way too chilling...
an unwilling chicken submits to culling...
never meant to be is the answer of mulling...
why pretend when souls aren't together...
ya'r life, my goddess, is in a different feather...
nothing I'd do could ever change the weather...
timeless time but now ashes left to gather...
among options was I just another one...
am stuck however hard I wanna run...
thought it was serious but seriously fun...
ya my last, 'n I'm ya'r first thing to shun...
beautifully sordid but a shattered romance...
am infinitely sorry to be the hindrance...
wasn't thinking, just loving every chance...
almighty but never planned for this dance...
hearing things that were never said...
ignoring voices trying hard to be fed...
feeling secure tied to the broken thread...
joys shredded, umpteen tears to be shed...
sands of time were always mounting...
blissful memories, now will be too haunting...
heart mourns silently why my brain is shouting...
can't calculate but this is the final counting...
summers of love are way too chilling...
an unwilling chicken submits to culling...
never meant to be is the answer of mulling...
why pretend when souls aren't together...
ya'r life, my goddess, is in a different feather...
nothing I'd do could ever change the weather...
timeless time but now ashes left to gather...
among options was I just another one...
am stuck however hard I wanna run...
thought it was serious but seriously fun...
ya my last, 'n I'm ya'r first thing to shun...
beautifully sordid but a shattered romance...
am infinitely sorry to be the hindrance...
wasn't thinking, just loving every chance...
almighty but never planned for this dance...
hearing things that were never said...
ignoring voices trying hard to be fed...
feeling secure tied to the broken thread...
joys shredded, umpteen tears to be shed...
sands of time were always mounting...
blissful memories, now will be too haunting...
heart mourns silently why my brain is shouting...
can't calculate but this is the final counting...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
lost in interpretation...
impossibly immature is forever puerile...
chaotic compulsions making life sterile...
travelled far, yet another infinite mile...
simulating enthusiasm for a journey futile...
tied arms, chopped wings unable to fly...
go down deeper 'n never dare go high...
isolate the life, don't dream for sky...
sadistic laughter overpowering the cry...
a failed connection, a mirror of dour...
fake sweet taking detour to go sour...
sanity but near, peace yet still far...
gloom living nine lives, no way to mar...
an irresolute or am a dumb numb brave...
naively blessed or is it a fragile pave...
living in heaven or am under the grave...
not what I prayed but what Almighty gave...
chaotic compulsions making life sterile...
travelled far, yet another infinite mile...
simulating enthusiasm for a journey futile...
tied arms, chopped wings unable to fly...
go down deeper 'n never dare go high...
isolate the life, don't dream for sky...
sadistic laughter overpowering the cry...
a failed connection, a mirror of dour...
fake sweet taking detour to go sour...
sanity but near, peace yet still far...
gloom living nine lives, no way to mar...
an irresolute or am a dumb numb brave...
naively blessed or is it a fragile pave...
living in heaven or am under the grave...
not what I prayed but what Almighty gave...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
moment of truth...
I feel ya, I see ya all around me baby...
ya are my world, ya are the eternity...
I see ya in the droplets of rain
raising life on the parched land again...
I see ya in the brightness of sun
erasing darkness as if it never begun...
I see ya in the blooming of flower
spreading fragrant filled hue every hour...
I see ya in the fulfilling grains of maize
calming sanity for overtly frenzied craze...
I see ya in the mighty waves of sea
washing away sadness, imprinting glee...
I see ya in the towering of zenith
forever ya'r truth overlapping my myth...
I see ya in the blowing cool wind serene
healing the needy, pain easing to wane...
I see ya in people I interact then 'n now
ya'r my religion, ya'r my sacred cow...
I see ya in the pages, feeding info I read
ya'r my luscious lusting, ya'r my need...
I see ya in the dreams that I weave
bonded forever, please never leave...
God, grant me Goddess... Amen!
ya are my world, ya are the eternity...
I see ya in the droplets of rain
raising life on the parched land again...
I see ya in the brightness of sun
erasing darkness as if it never begun...
I see ya in the blooming of flower
spreading fragrant filled hue every hour...
I see ya in the fulfilling grains of maize
calming sanity for overtly frenzied craze...
I see ya in the mighty waves of sea
washing away sadness, imprinting glee...
I see ya in the towering of zenith
forever ya'r truth overlapping my myth...
I see ya in the blowing cool wind serene
healing the needy, pain easing to wane...
I see ya in people I interact then 'n now
ya'r my religion, ya'r my sacred cow...
I see ya in the pages, feeding info I read
ya'r my luscious lusting, ya'r my need...
I see ya in the dreams that I weave
bonded forever, please never leave...
God, grant me Goddess... Amen!
losing my soul...
a game I play or is it a prayer I pray...
who's to judge me, who's to say...
treading the thin crust of love 'n lust...
what's not important, 'n what's must...
who's to decide 'n who's to lead...
enough ain't enough, surely my greed...
the luck that bonded us, is now biting...
a stiffening embrace no longer enticing...
thinking alike yet we also think apart...
insane cravings but is a slice of my heart...
probably the last ya'd see of the nymph...
I lose, hopefully ya'd always triumph...
lusting yet loving galore, nibbling even more silly...
go fly higher, tonite is right to part ways amicably...
show no mercy, am going against ya'r flow...
please move on, guess it's time to let go...
have an awesome life princess... farewell... grant me mess...
who's to judge me, who's to say...
treading the thin crust of love 'n lust...
what's not important, 'n what's must...
who's to decide 'n who's to lead...
enough ain't enough, surely my greed...
the luck that bonded us, is now biting...
a stiffening embrace no longer enticing...
thinking alike yet we also think apart...
insane cravings but is a slice of my heart...
probably the last ya'd see of the nymph...
I lose, hopefully ya'd always triumph...
lusting yet loving galore, nibbling even more silly...
go fly higher, tonite is right to part ways amicably...
show no mercy, am going against ya'r flow...
please move on, guess it's time to let go...
have an awesome life princess... farewell... grant me mess...
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Grant me... Deny me...
love for thought 'n thought for love,
then why my soul craves for more...
hard for time ain't ever a rhyme,
ya'r priority is unambiguously sure...
not the one who insanely loves ya,
but always the man ya love galore...
pray, no worry, if ya love me less,
'n ignore about, if I love ya pure...
but fatal are indifference whims,
wish I knew the illness, the cure...
want to know the way to go,
detached, tell me ya do it how...
knees still go trembling at ya'r sight,
yesterday, tomorrow 'n now...
my love goddess, am another fan,
abhor me but ya'r my sacred cow...
a rainbow of hues yet bound to falter,
the indifference streak 'n lack of plow...
just allow me to go if ya don't love,
I'd graciously bid farewell 'n take a bow...
then why my soul craves for more...
hard for time ain't ever a rhyme,
ya'r priority is unambiguously sure...
not the one who insanely loves ya,
but always the man ya love galore...
pray, no worry, if ya love me less,
'n ignore about, if I love ya pure...
but fatal are indifference whims,
wish I knew the illness, the cure...
want to know the way to go,
detached, tell me ya do it how...
knees still go trembling at ya'r sight,
yesterday, tomorrow 'n now...
my love goddess, am another fan,
abhor me but ya'r my sacred cow...
a rainbow of hues yet bound to falter,
the indifference streak 'n lack of plow...
just allow me to go if ya don't love,
I'd graciously bid farewell 'n take a bow...
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Irony...
the things ya do, the words ya say...
revive the spring in my lifeless may...
overlapping dusk with a bright new day...
my motionless soul jumps back to play...
ya bring me joy, ya bring me bliss...
lame would be life, when I'll miss...
eternity I find, whenever we kiss...
ya filled the vacuum, now nothing's amiss...
ya give me vision, ya make me sane...
nothing to lose 'n everything to gain...
ya'r smile manages to erase all pain...
a blistering desert getting immortal rain...
ya'r the rainbow with an immaculate hue...
a whiff of fresh air 'n all miseries flew...
grew slowly 'n steadily, our love subtly brew...
forever together in pain 'n gain, trust is the glue...
ya'r awesome, ya'r an absolute delight...
ya'r my sanity, my love ya'r my sight...
ya 'n I together are harmony right...
yet destiny still did keep an irony slight...
revive the spring in my lifeless may...
overlapping dusk with a bright new day...
my motionless soul jumps back to play...
ya bring me joy, ya bring me bliss...
lame would be life, when I'll miss...
eternity I find, whenever we kiss...
ya filled the vacuum, now nothing's amiss...
ya give me vision, ya make me sane...
nothing to lose 'n everything to gain...
ya'r smile manages to erase all pain...
a blistering desert getting immortal rain...
ya'r the rainbow with an immaculate hue...
a whiff of fresh air 'n all miseries flew...
grew slowly 'n steadily, our love subtly brew...
forever together in pain 'n gain, trust is the glue...
ya'r awesome, ya'r an absolute delight...
ya'r my sanity, my love ya'r my sight...
ya 'n I together are harmony right...
yet destiny still did keep an irony slight...
Friday, July 03, 2009
I pray...
amazingly is how ya'r able to convey...
inadequate is the matter of my gray...
it ain't about what ya did or didn't say...
ya'r always my sunshine 'n all I pray...
wish ya'r joys own the heaven 'n sky...
not outta ya'r life, never escaping to fly...
ain't just love, now a distance to try...
maybe 'en ya'r able to suss why I cry...
ya live merrily 'n succeed beyond all...
is forever my will, always my call...
reach higher skies, no stopping to fall...
but be cautious, for it's only ya I have all...
ya'r my prayer, won't want anyone to mess...
don't follow ya'r dreams, did I ever press...
my worst nightmare isn't hard to guess...
days are bright, but dusk can be ruthless...
sharing happiness is a part of the gear...
going apart doesn't mean won't be near...
my apprehensions are for ya to lear...
please also live the frights I fear...
comprehend the unsafe times we are in...
that is when 'n where it all begin...
rolling in schedules rockin to win...
just make sure life ain't tossed for spin...
always be cheerful, contended 'n gay...
springs in ya'r feet never daring to flay...
the lecherous I fear, don't fall a prey...
that is all I plead, that is all I pray...
inadequate is the matter of my gray...
it ain't about what ya did or didn't say...
ya'r always my sunshine 'n all I pray...
wish ya'r joys own the heaven 'n sky...
not outta ya'r life, never escaping to fly...
ain't just love, now a distance to try...
maybe 'en ya'r able to suss why I cry...
ya live merrily 'n succeed beyond all...
is forever my will, always my call...
reach higher skies, no stopping to fall...
but be cautious, for it's only ya I have all...
ya'r my prayer, won't want anyone to mess...
don't follow ya'r dreams, did I ever press...
my worst nightmare isn't hard to guess...
days are bright, but dusk can be ruthless...
sharing happiness is a part of the gear...
going apart doesn't mean won't be near...
my apprehensions are for ya to lear...
please also live the frights I fear...
comprehend the unsafe times we are in...
that is when 'n where it all begin...
rolling in schedules rockin to win...
just make sure life ain't tossed for spin...
always be cheerful, contended 'n gay...
springs in ya'r feet never daring to flay...
the lecherous I fear, don't fall a prey...
that is all I plead, that is all I pray...
Tanha manzil... Juda raaste...
alag raaston ne ki ab manzil tanha...
par tujh sa humsafar na dekha, na suna...
jo na dekha, no suna, par mehsoos kiya...
khuli aankhon se dekha ek haseen khawab jo maine piya...
labon ka faasla dilon ne na jaane kab mita diya...
teri judai mein tadpa, tujhe chu ke jiya...
tujhe paane ki bepanaah chahat, phir bhi reh gayi tang...
mere andhere se door, aur kisi mehfil mein thi shamma ki jung...
ho tera iqbal buland, gustakh ki yehi aakhri aarzoo...
rahoon ya na rahoon, tujh mein shamil rahegi meri rooh...
yeh zameen, yeh aasman, tere kadmon mein aake fanaa ho...
jannat, tujhe jannat mein dekho, dojakh mein mujhe nazaraa bayaan ho...
mera aks, jo aankhen band karte ho jayega juda...
rehnuma door jaye, par rehta phir bhi hai khuda...
rabb mere, rabb teri khair kare... khuda haafiz...
par tujh sa humsafar na dekha, na suna...
jo na dekha, no suna, par mehsoos kiya...
khuli aankhon se dekha ek haseen khawab jo maine piya...
labon ka faasla dilon ne na jaane kab mita diya...
teri judai mein tadpa, tujhe chu ke jiya...
tujhe paane ki bepanaah chahat, phir bhi reh gayi tang...
mere andhere se door, aur kisi mehfil mein thi shamma ki jung...
ho tera iqbal buland, gustakh ki yehi aakhri aarzoo...
rahoon ya na rahoon, tujh mein shamil rahegi meri rooh...
yeh zameen, yeh aasman, tere kadmon mein aake fanaa ho...
jannat, tujhe jannat mein dekho, dojakh mein mujhe nazaraa bayaan ho...
mera aks, jo aankhen band karte ho jayega juda...
rehnuma door jaye, par rehta phir bhi hai khuda...
rabb mere, rabb teri khair kare... khuda haafiz...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Think before ya speak...
A timely piece of advice …
Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about
life...
In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I said to her:
'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on
machines and liquids from a bottle.
If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions
that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.
Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration
towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the
DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went
to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
I ALMOST DIED !!!
Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about
life...
In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I said to her:
'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on
machines and liquids from a bottle.
If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions
that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.
Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration
towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the
DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went
to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
I ALMOST DIED !!!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I want...
I want...
I want the dreams to live on 'n go fly a little more...
I want to freeze the time so that love you 'n I share is forever encore...
I want to live the dawn 'n the twilight thru your eyes...
I want to love 'n lust ya more till it's no longer a vice...
I want a world where you belong to me 'n I belong to you...
I want no limit, no boundaries to divide our love so true...
I want at the end of the road, you go to your destiny but don't bid farewell...
I want you blessed in heaven when without ya I'd be forever in hell...
I want to break free but wish to live my life trapped in your soul...
I want you to shine like a precious diamond 'n would gladly be the leftover coal...
I want to love ya insanely 'coz your presence makes me sane...
I want your smiles to be my boon yet never my concerns to be your bane...
I want God to bless ya like the unbiased love I will...
I want to find my way to your memories 'n lay there still...
I want my eyes to lie 'n smile back at you when you say it's time to go...
I want you my sunshine, forever happy 'n willing to grow...
I want you to be mine 'n then I'd have nothing more to want...
I want to die in your arms, my last wish I want Almighty God to grant...
Amen!
I want the dreams to live on 'n go fly a little more...
I want to freeze the time so that love you 'n I share is forever encore...
I want to live the dawn 'n the twilight thru your eyes...
I want to love 'n lust ya more till it's no longer a vice...
I want a world where you belong to me 'n I belong to you...
I want no limit, no boundaries to divide our love so true...
I want at the end of the road, you go to your destiny but don't bid farewell...
I want you blessed in heaven when without ya I'd be forever in hell...
I want to break free but wish to live my life trapped in your soul...
I want you to shine like a precious diamond 'n would gladly be the leftover coal...
I want to love ya insanely 'coz your presence makes me sane...
I want your smiles to be my boon yet never my concerns to be your bane...
I want God to bless ya like the unbiased love I will...
I want to find my way to your memories 'n lay there still...
I want my eyes to lie 'n smile back at you when you say it's time to go...
I want you my sunshine, forever happy 'n willing to grow...
I want you to be mine 'n then I'd have nothing more to want...
I want to die in your arms, my last wish I want Almighty God to grant...
Amen!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Syaah Roshni
roshan awaam ke tamaam jayaz gille shikveh,
muqaddar par andheri raat ka, ho woh kali syaah yun...
khamosh aankhen bayaan karti sard haqiqat,
ahal-e-mehfil mein rakhta lekin niyat-e-saaf hoon...
shab ki tamanna Illahi ne rakhi taar hai,
kyun tujhe phir Rabb ki iss muraad pe malaal hai...
bepanaah hai arzoo, teri chahat janoon sa,
kamjor khawaish se wafaa ka hua kyun ab aks juda...
dost hoon ya hoon ek sawaal farebi
mahashar ko hisaab karega Khuda...
muqaddar par andheri raat ka, ho woh kali syaah yun...
khamosh aankhen bayaan karti sard haqiqat,
ahal-e-mehfil mein rakhta lekin niyat-e-saaf hoon...
shab ki tamanna Illahi ne rakhi taar hai,
kyun tujhe phir Rabb ki iss muraad pe malaal hai...
bepanaah hai arzoo, teri chahat janoon sa,
kamjor khawaish se wafaa ka hua kyun ab aks juda...
dost hoon ya hoon ek sawaal farebi
mahashar ko hisaab karega Khuda...
Monday, May 11, 2009
Jannat
rabb ke vaaris mere humsafar, mere rehnuma...
ankhen nam meri, hoth lafz bina...
hawa ke saath wafa ko raazi hai ghata...
parwana qayamat ke sadke dhoondta shama...
hajoom mein tanha ho ke tere aks ko paane ki aarzoo...
tujhe jeetane mein khud ko harane ki justaju...
ab samundar pyaasa ho ke paani ki fariyaad karta hai...
tu aaye to mohabbat ko khuda mile...
ankhen nam meri, hoth lafz bina...
hawa ke saath wafa ko raazi hai ghata...
parwana qayamat ke sadke dhoondta shama...
hajoom mein tanha ho ke tere aks ko paane ki aarzoo...
tujhe jeetane mein khud ko harane ki justaju...
ab samundar pyaasa ho ke paani ki fariyaad karta hai...
tu aaye to mohabbat ko khuda mile...
Friday, May 08, 2009
comprehending NO... both N 'n O...
magical moments aplenty, quite a bountiful craze,
unaware when we got lost in an affection maze,
busy soaking the bliss, never stopping to count,
nothing else mattered, for our love was paramount...
sometime then the overcast sky cleared a tad,
exposing moments of truth, both happy 'n sad,
same journey, pray, why different destinations,
fear of losing something that I never had...
a dream to walk together with smiles 'n tears,
infinite love, yet staring zillion untold fears,
few doubts, ample trust heading to fore,
way past the bridge 'n down further more...
don't think, don't fret, darling sweet 'n kind,
I know my lust is crazy, my love is blind,
deserving none, getting all, yet wanting more,
forgive me, turn back 'n take a detour...
loving 'n living the rebuttal that now you paint blue...
N 'n O... is my worst nightmare come true...
promises to cross the bridge, now nothing to dare,
even if life ain't... my love you are, but only fair...
love ya forever... more than I want to... more than you want me to...
unaware when we got lost in an affection maze,
busy soaking the bliss, never stopping to count,
nothing else mattered, for our love was paramount...
sometime then the overcast sky cleared a tad,
exposing moments of truth, both happy 'n sad,
same journey, pray, why different destinations,
fear of losing something that I never had...
a dream to walk together with smiles 'n tears,
infinite love, yet staring zillion untold fears,
few doubts, ample trust heading to fore,
way past the bridge 'n down further more...
don't think, don't fret, darling sweet 'n kind,
I know my lust is crazy, my love is blind,
deserving none, getting all, yet wanting more,
forgive me, turn back 'n take a detour...
loving 'n living the rebuttal that now you paint blue...
N 'n O... is my worst nightmare come true...
promises to cross the bridge, now nothing to dare,
even if life ain't... my love you are, but only fair...
love ya forever... more than I want to... more than you want me to...
Thursday, December 04, 2008
"Good news or bad news?"
"Good news or bad news?"
Robert De Vincenzo, the great Argentine golfer, once won a tournament and, after receiving the check and smiling for the cameras, he went to the clubhouse and prepared to leave. Some time later, he walked alone to his car in the parking lot and was approached by a young woman.
She congratulated him on his victory and then told him that her child was seriously ill and near death. She did not know how she could pay the doctor’s bills and hospital expenses.
De Vincenzo was touched by her story, and he took out a pen and endorsed his winning check for payment to the woman. "Make some good days for the baby," he said as he pressed the check into her hand.
The next week he was having lunch in a country club when a Professional Golf Association official came to his table. "Some of the boys in the parking lot last week told me you met a young woman there after you won that tournament." De Vincenzo nodded. "Well," said the official, "I have news for you. She’s a phony. She has no sick baby. She’s not even married. She fleeced you, my friend."
"You mean there is no baby who is dying?" said De Vincenzo.
"That’s right," said the official.
"That’s the best good news I’ve heard all week." De Vincenzo said.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
When you consistently maintain a positive frame of mind, you'll become known as a problem-solver rather than a complainer. People avoid complainers. They seek out problem-solvers.
You can give in to the failure messages and be a bitter deadbeat of excuses. Or you can choose to be happy and positive and excited about life.
The difference between can and cannot are only three letters. Three letters that determine your life's direction.
Being positive or negative, are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life.
Robert De Vincenzo, the great Argentine golfer, once won a tournament and, after receiving the check and smiling for the cameras, he went to the clubhouse and prepared to leave. Some time later, he walked alone to his car in the parking lot and was approached by a young woman.
She congratulated him on his victory and then told him that her child was seriously ill and near death. She did not know how she could pay the doctor’s bills and hospital expenses.
De Vincenzo was touched by her story, and he took out a pen and endorsed his winning check for payment to the woman. "Make some good days for the baby," he said as he pressed the check into her hand.
The next week he was having lunch in a country club when a Professional Golf Association official came to his table. "Some of the boys in the parking lot last week told me you met a young woman there after you won that tournament." De Vincenzo nodded. "Well," said the official, "I have news for you. She’s a phony. She has no sick baby. She’s not even married. She fleeced you, my friend."
"You mean there is no baby who is dying?" said De Vincenzo.
"That’s right," said the official.
"That’s the best good news I’ve heard all week." De Vincenzo said.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
When you consistently maintain a positive frame of mind, you'll become known as a problem-solver rather than a complainer. People avoid complainers. They seek out problem-solvers.
You can give in to the failure messages and be a bitter deadbeat of excuses. Or you can choose to be happy and positive and excited about life.
The difference between can and cannot are only three letters. Three letters that determine your life's direction.
Being positive or negative, are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life.
Amazing Santa ji... Banta ji...
Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye.
"Haye haye main to 1100 lungi".
Dusri Boli "Main to 2100 lungi".
Peeche se Santa bola "Abey 2310 le lo, usme FM bhi hai!!!"
****************************************************************
Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup.
Santa: I'm in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!
****************************************************************
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
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Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!
****************************************************************
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa SMS 2 boss: Me ok now, your wife very sweet.
****************************************************************
Santa ki chatri mein hole tha, kisi ne pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.
****************************************************************
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.
****************************************************************
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18 yrs & marriage age 21 yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
****************************************************************
Santa kaafi time baad pind geya, Pind di Jameen to Mitti fad ke te sungh ke bolea: "Pind di Mitti di khushbu hi vakhri hundi aa".
Banta: Kanjra dhyan nal vekh Eh suki hui Shit aa...
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Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.
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Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lakh plastic surgery ke liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha...
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Teacher askd Santa: What is d meaning of TAMSO MAA JYOTIR GAMAYA?
Santa: "Tu so ja maa, main Jyoti de ghar ho ke aaya".
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Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it.
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Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.
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Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.
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What a rip-off!
Santa picked up a book called 37 Mating Positions. He goes home, opens it... and it turns out to be a book on chess!
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Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, zeher bharwane aya hoga...
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An Englishman and Banta inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Banta: Good evening, we open the zip and do.
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Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !
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Pappu: Ajj madam ne 1 swaal puchhya jisda jawab sirf mainu hi pata si.
Santa: Mera biba beta, ki swaal si?
Pappu: Swaal si ki blackboard kol susu kine kita hai?
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Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere per upar aur sar neeche kar ke faansi de do..!
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Amli: Doctar ji tuhanu tankay lagonay aunde hun?
Dr: Haan ji, daso kithay lagonay ne?
Amli: Aa lo ji chapal te la do...!
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Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga ki main mummy ko bina bataye ghar se bahar ja sakoon.
Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua...
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Banta mujra dekhne gaya, sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha aur khud nachne laga.
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Santa: Rab ji aap mainu 100 Rs devo ta 50 main Gurudware de avanga.
Thodi dur ja ke us nu 50 Rs mil gaye.
Santa: Wah rabba ena vi Bharosa ni, apne pehle hi kat laye...
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Bante de ghar buddi mar gayi. Saare kehan lagge: Bebe mainu lai jaandi! Mainu lai jaandi!
Banta vichon uthh ke kehenda: Saaleo! Bebe ne SUMO kiti hoi si ki?
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Banta ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?? Kyon?
Itne saalo baad, itni manato k baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!
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Teacher: Aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to aadmi ne hai par fir bhi wo wahan par ja nahi sakta?
Papu: LADIES TOILET!
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Teacher: Asmaan me udne wali ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo asmaan me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess!
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Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!
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Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye. Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye...
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Teacher: Light Kitho Aandi Hai?
Pappu: Mere Nankeya De Gharon.
Teacher: Kinwe?
Pppu: Jado Light Jandi Hai Papa Kehndy ne 'Saleya ne Pher cut ti".
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Santa: What's the name of ur car?
Banta: I don't know but it starts with "T"
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.
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Santa, Banta & Bobby were going on a motorcycle. Policeman gives hand to stop.
Santa shouted: Oye pagal, pehle hi 3 bethe hain tu kahan baithega?
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Jeeto: Doctor ne mujhe ek mahine ka aaram aur kisi Hill station par jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?
Santa: Kisi Dusrey Doctor ke paas!!!
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Samundar de kande baithe han, Kadi tan lehar aaogi,
Kismat badle na badle, CHAPPAL TAN DHOTI JAUGI,
So always think positive.
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Santa went to international cooking contest. When judges came to him, he was moving spoon in empty kadhai.
Judge asked: Kya bana rahe ho?
Santa: FUDDU…
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Boss: I'm giving you driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?
Santa: you are great sir! Starting salary is OK but how much is DRIVING salary?
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Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka accident case. Banta: Aaho, truck da number is also written... BC 1760 !!!.
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Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?
Santa: Niri Afwah !!!
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Santa to wife: Did you hav any boy friend before marriage?
Wife remain silent.
Santa: Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu?
Wife: Bewakoof, ginan tan de.
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Santa Radio lekar POTTY karne gaya.
Banta: Aaj toh mazey se ki hogi ?
Santa: Khaak mazey se ki, radio par Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya, khade-khade karni padi.
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Santa eats eight Butter Naan at a party and is suffering from Constipation.
Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru...Ya toh JAAN nikal de, ya NAAN nikal de.
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Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue.
Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue.
Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si…
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Santa gets a Cheque & throws it on the ground.
To see whether it'll BOUNCE or not!
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Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste mein biwi ko khai mein dhaka de doonga.
Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena.
Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe dhaka de doon?
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Baniye shayar ne arz kiya.
Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par
Kambakht, Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAJ par.
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Santa-Bus stand jane ke kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2 Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2 Rs mein kaun le ke jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.
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Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya.
Banta: Kinu, tenu ya tere bapu nu?
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Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar chuke si?
Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi vi chad chuke si.
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Bante di wife nu daaku chuk ke ley gaye.
Sarean ne keha "daaku khatarnaak ne, khali haath na jawin wife nu bachaun".
Banta 2-kg Amb ley gaya.
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Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.
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Jeeto: Main tang aa gayi haan. Tusi hamesha Mera Ghar, Meri Car, Mera Beta, bus Mera-Mera hi karde ho, kadi Sadda vi keha karo, hun almari vichon ki labh rahe ho?
Santa: Sadda Kachcha.
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Santa: Bhai, aapan har roz murge nal roti khaidee hai.
Banta: Yaar, oh kiven?
Santa: Ek burki aap khaidee aae, te ek murge nu paayee di hai.
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Santa: Tere result da ki banya?
Pappu: Madam kehndi iss class vich 1 saal hor lagna hai.
Santa: Pher theek hai, saal bhaaven 2-3 hor lag jaan, bass fail na hoeen.
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Ek kabutar ne Sante te bitth kar diti.
Santa: Oye teri maa ne tainu kachha pauna ni sikhaya?
Kabutar: Saleya tu kachha pa ke karda hain?
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Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad, how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?
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Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!
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Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?
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Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
Nurse- Kyon?
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA
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Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Santa: Biwi se.
Banta: Itne pyar se...?
Santa: Tumhari hai.
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Santa: Main ek eho jehi cheej labhi aa jeehday nal deewar de aar par dekhya ja sakda hai.
Banta: Balle! Ki cheej hai?
Santa: MORI
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Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates and Me?
Banta: Don't know.
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!
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Santa & Banta are walking down the road when Banta says: Look at that dog with one eye!
Santa covers one of his eyes and says: Where?
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Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
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Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, you are married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?
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Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
Banta: 1 Frog.
Santa: Theek hai hor das?
Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.
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Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.
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Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?
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Banta: Saadi teacher kehndi hai ke MAJJ da taaza dudh peen nal dimag wadhda hai.
Santa: Oye je ajehi gall hundi taan apna katta ajj IAS officer lageya hunda!
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Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal main ye andha hai.
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Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya?
Banta: Haan.
Santa: Kuri naal?
Banta: Oye munde naal vi hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan... Meri bhen da hoya si !
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A crow shits on a Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi phayda nahin, kauwa toh ud gaya!
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Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.
Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?
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Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab?
Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.
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Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.
Banta: Why?
Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.
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Santa bar vich ro reha si.
Bartender: Kyon ro rahe ho?
Santa: Hor ki karan? Main jis kudi da naa bhulna chahunda si usda naam yaad hi nahin aa reha.
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Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya that...
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!
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Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.
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Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai.
Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupaye leti hai.
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Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.
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Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.
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Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!
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Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.
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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable.
Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on Escalators.
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Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.
Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.
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Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata
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Pappu: Bapu idhar aa...
Jeeto: Aise nahin bolte beta, daddy ko izzat se bulate hai.
Pappu: Bapu, izzat ke sath idhar aaja.
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Santa and Banta were watching a cricket match and Dhoni hits a boundary.
Banta: Kya Goal mara.
Santa: Raha na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal ismein nahin cricket mein hota hai...
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Jeeto: Sharam aani chahiye, tumhare Banta ki bibi ke saath sambandh hain.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aaya tha, usne tumhara underwear pehna hua tha...
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Sharaabi Santa knocks the door of his house. His wife opens the door.
Santa asks: Who are you?
Wife: How dare you forget your wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
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Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis k liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.
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Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi kisi kaam ki nahin.
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Santa: I got old age pension by showing grey hair on my chest.
Jeeto: Pant ki zip khol ke dikha dete to Disability Allowance bhi mil jaata
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Santa: Raat film vich ik chudail kade mere aggey, kade mere pichchey...
Jeeto: Kehri film si ?
Santa: Apne vyah di movie si !
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Once someone sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry & replied: Bhejnewala gadha, Padhnewala mahan
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Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
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Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
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Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!
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Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar vi sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher vi nahi lagdi...
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Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
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Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
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Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
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Banta: Why do you take your wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open
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Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
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A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.
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In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
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Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
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Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
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Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya, vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.
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Santa apni khoobsurat Biwi ke saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri biwi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
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Santa: Tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.
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Banta: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is All India Radio!
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Santa: O yaar hun meri kudi jawaan ho gayi hai, ki karan?
Banta: Karna ki hai, ohnu border te bhej de, saanu jawaanan di badi lor hai
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Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chimar gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upaaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?
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Jeeto: Kyon ji, tussi gaddi di speed kyon vadha ditti?
Santa: Break fail ho gayi hai, accident hon to pehle hi ghar pahounch jaaiye.
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Jeeto: Dekho woh admi mujhe ghoor-ghoor ke dekh raha hai.
Santa: Woh to kabadia hai, raddi pe nazar rakhna uski aadat hai
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Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
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Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tenuh eh vi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
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Santa breaks an egg to make an omelet. He finds the egg empty. Gets frustrated & says: Aaj kal murguian bhi abortion karati hain
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Lady: Time kitna hua hai?
Banta: Bra Panties.
Lady: Time poocha hai Nonsense.
Banta: Time hi to bataya hai 12.35
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Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doctor.
Doc: What happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai
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Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.
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Girl to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.
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Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
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Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
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Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar program shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
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Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.
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Santa went to see a girl for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk.
After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.
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Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
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Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char gaiyan bas wich, hun meri wari no mor
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Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
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Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan phir MRF da tyre de de.
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
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Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi
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Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who are you?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
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Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
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Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.
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Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR.
She slapped him: Leave my finger, you fool, It's a girl...
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Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Santa bola... "Ismein aur colour dikhayiye".
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Santa Banta zid kar rahe c monkey dekhan di... so tuhade ghar da address dita hai.
Yaar 2-4 tapusian maar ke dikha deo bichare khush ho jaan ge.
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Santa went to battery shop and asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
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Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
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Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
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Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
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Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Lo, hun isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
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Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!
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"Haye haye main to 1100 lungi".
Dusri Boli "Main to 2100 lungi".
Peeche se Santa bola "Abey 2310 le lo, usme FM bhi hai!!!"
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Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup.
Santa: I'm in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!
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Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
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Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!
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Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa SMS 2 boss: Me ok now, your wife very sweet.
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Santa ki chatri mein hole tha, kisi ne pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.
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Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.
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Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18 yrs & marriage age 21 yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
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Santa kaafi time baad pind geya, Pind di Jameen to Mitti fad ke te sungh ke bolea: "Pind di Mitti di khushbu hi vakhri hundi aa".
Banta: Kanjra dhyan nal vekh Eh suki hui Shit aa...
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Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.
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Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lakh plastic surgery ke liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha...
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Teacher askd Santa: What is d meaning of TAMSO MAA JYOTIR GAMAYA?
Santa: "Tu so ja maa, main Jyoti de ghar ho ke aaya".
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Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it.
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Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.
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Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.
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What a rip-off!
Santa picked up a book called 37 Mating Positions. He goes home, opens it... and it turns out to be a book on chess!
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Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, zeher bharwane aya hoga...
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An Englishman and Banta inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Banta: Good evening, we open the zip and do.
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Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !
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Pappu: Ajj madam ne 1 swaal puchhya jisda jawab sirf mainu hi pata si.
Santa: Mera biba beta, ki swaal si?
Pappu: Swaal si ki blackboard kol susu kine kita hai?
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Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere per upar aur sar neeche kar ke faansi de do..!
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Amli: Doctar ji tuhanu tankay lagonay aunde hun?
Dr: Haan ji, daso kithay lagonay ne?
Amli: Aa lo ji chapal te la do...!
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Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga ki main mummy ko bina bataye ghar se bahar ja sakoon.
Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua...
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Banta mujra dekhne gaya, sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha aur khud nachne laga.
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Santa: Rab ji aap mainu 100 Rs devo ta 50 main Gurudware de avanga.
Thodi dur ja ke us nu 50 Rs mil gaye.
Santa: Wah rabba ena vi Bharosa ni, apne pehle hi kat laye...
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Bante de ghar buddi mar gayi. Saare kehan lagge: Bebe mainu lai jaandi! Mainu lai jaandi!
Banta vichon uthh ke kehenda: Saaleo! Bebe ne SUMO kiti hoi si ki?
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Banta ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?? Kyon?
Itne saalo baad, itni manato k baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!
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Teacher: Aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to aadmi ne hai par fir bhi wo wahan par ja nahi sakta?
Papu: LADIES TOILET!
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Teacher: Asmaan me udne wali ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo asmaan me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess!
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Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!
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Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye. Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye...
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Teacher: Light Kitho Aandi Hai?
Pappu: Mere Nankeya De Gharon.
Teacher: Kinwe?
Pppu: Jado Light Jandi Hai Papa Kehndy ne 'Saleya ne Pher cut ti".
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Santa: What's the name of ur car?
Banta: I don't know but it starts with "T"
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.
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Santa, Banta & Bobby were going on a motorcycle. Policeman gives hand to stop.
Santa shouted: Oye pagal, pehle hi 3 bethe hain tu kahan baithega?
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Jeeto: Doctor ne mujhe ek mahine ka aaram aur kisi Hill station par jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?
Santa: Kisi Dusrey Doctor ke paas!!!
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Samundar de kande baithe han, Kadi tan lehar aaogi,
Kismat badle na badle, CHAPPAL TAN DHOTI JAUGI,
So always think positive.
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Santa went to international cooking contest. When judges came to him, he was moving spoon in empty kadhai.
Judge asked: Kya bana rahe ho?
Santa: FUDDU…
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Boss: I'm giving you driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?
Santa: you are great sir! Starting salary is OK but how much is DRIVING salary?
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Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka accident case. Banta: Aaho, truck da number is also written... BC 1760 !!!.
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Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?
Santa: Niri Afwah !!!
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Santa to wife: Did you hav any boy friend before marriage?
Wife remain silent.
Santa: Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu?
Wife: Bewakoof, ginan tan de.
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Santa Radio lekar POTTY karne gaya.
Banta: Aaj toh mazey se ki hogi ?
Santa: Khaak mazey se ki, radio par Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya, khade-khade karni padi.
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Santa eats eight Butter Naan at a party and is suffering from Constipation.
Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru...Ya toh JAAN nikal de, ya NAAN nikal de.
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Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue.
Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue.
Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si…
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Santa gets a Cheque & throws it on the ground.
To see whether it'll BOUNCE or not!
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Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste mein biwi ko khai mein dhaka de doonga.
Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena.
Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe dhaka de doon?
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Baniye shayar ne arz kiya.
Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par
Kambakht, Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAJ par.
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Santa-Bus stand jane ke kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2 Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2 Rs mein kaun le ke jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.
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Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya.
Banta: Kinu, tenu ya tere bapu nu?
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Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar chuke si?
Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi vi chad chuke si.
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Bante di wife nu daaku chuk ke ley gaye.
Sarean ne keha "daaku khatarnaak ne, khali haath na jawin wife nu bachaun".
Banta 2-kg Amb ley gaya.
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Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.
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Jeeto: Main tang aa gayi haan. Tusi hamesha Mera Ghar, Meri Car, Mera Beta, bus Mera-Mera hi karde ho, kadi Sadda vi keha karo, hun almari vichon ki labh rahe ho?
Santa: Sadda Kachcha.
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Santa: Bhai, aapan har roz murge nal roti khaidee hai.
Banta: Yaar, oh kiven?
Santa: Ek burki aap khaidee aae, te ek murge nu paayee di hai.
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Santa: Tere result da ki banya?
Pappu: Madam kehndi iss class vich 1 saal hor lagna hai.
Santa: Pher theek hai, saal bhaaven 2-3 hor lag jaan, bass fail na hoeen.
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Ek kabutar ne Sante te bitth kar diti.
Santa: Oye teri maa ne tainu kachha pauna ni sikhaya?
Kabutar: Saleya tu kachha pa ke karda hain?
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Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad, how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?
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Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!
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Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?
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Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
Nurse- Kyon?
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA
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Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Santa: Biwi se.
Banta: Itne pyar se...?
Santa: Tumhari hai.
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Santa: Main ek eho jehi cheej labhi aa jeehday nal deewar de aar par dekhya ja sakda hai.
Banta: Balle! Ki cheej hai?
Santa: MORI
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Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates and Me?
Banta: Don't know.
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!
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Santa & Banta are walking down the road when Banta says: Look at that dog with one eye!
Santa covers one of his eyes and says: Where?
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Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
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Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, you are married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?
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Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
Banta: 1 Frog.
Santa: Theek hai hor das?
Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.
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Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.
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Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?
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Banta: Saadi teacher kehndi hai ke MAJJ da taaza dudh peen nal dimag wadhda hai.
Santa: Oye je ajehi gall hundi taan apna katta ajj IAS officer lageya hunda!
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Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal main ye andha hai.
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Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya?
Banta: Haan.
Santa: Kuri naal?
Banta: Oye munde naal vi hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan... Meri bhen da hoya si !
****************************************************************
A crow shits on a Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi phayda nahin, kauwa toh ud gaya!
****************************************************************
Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.
Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?
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Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab?
Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.
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Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.
Banta: Why?
Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.
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Santa bar vich ro reha si.
Bartender: Kyon ro rahe ho?
Santa: Hor ki karan? Main jis kudi da naa bhulna chahunda si usda naam yaad hi nahin aa reha.
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Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya that...
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!
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Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.
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Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai.
Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupaye leti hai.
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Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.
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Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.
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Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!
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Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.
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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable.
Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on Escalators.
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Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.
Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.
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Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata
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Pappu: Bapu idhar aa...
Jeeto: Aise nahin bolte beta, daddy ko izzat se bulate hai.
Pappu: Bapu, izzat ke sath idhar aaja.
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Santa and Banta were watching a cricket match and Dhoni hits a boundary.
Banta: Kya Goal mara.
Santa: Raha na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal ismein nahin cricket mein hota hai...
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Jeeto: Sharam aani chahiye, tumhare Banta ki bibi ke saath sambandh hain.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aaya tha, usne tumhara underwear pehna hua tha...
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Sharaabi Santa knocks the door of his house. His wife opens the door.
Santa asks: Who are you?
Wife: How dare you forget your wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
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Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis k liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.
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Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi kisi kaam ki nahin.
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Santa: I got old age pension by showing grey hair on my chest.
Jeeto: Pant ki zip khol ke dikha dete to Disability Allowance bhi mil jaata
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Santa: Raat film vich ik chudail kade mere aggey, kade mere pichchey...
Jeeto: Kehri film si ?
Santa: Apne vyah di movie si !
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Once someone sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry & replied: Bhejnewala gadha, Padhnewala mahan
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Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
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Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
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Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!
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Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar vi sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher vi nahi lagdi...
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Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
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Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
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Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
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Banta: Why do you take your wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open
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Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
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A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.
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In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
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Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
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Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
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Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya, vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.
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Santa apni khoobsurat Biwi ke saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri biwi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
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Santa: Tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.
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Banta: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is All India Radio!
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Santa: O yaar hun meri kudi jawaan ho gayi hai, ki karan?
Banta: Karna ki hai, ohnu border te bhej de, saanu jawaanan di badi lor hai
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Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chimar gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upaaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?
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Jeeto: Kyon ji, tussi gaddi di speed kyon vadha ditti?
Santa: Break fail ho gayi hai, accident hon to pehle hi ghar pahounch jaaiye.
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Jeeto: Dekho woh admi mujhe ghoor-ghoor ke dekh raha hai.
Santa: Woh to kabadia hai, raddi pe nazar rakhna uski aadat hai
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Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
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Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tenuh eh vi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
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Santa breaks an egg to make an omelet. He finds the egg empty. Gets frustrated & says: Aaj kal murguian bhi abortion karati hain
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Lady: Time kitna hua hai?
Banta: Bra Panties.
Lady: Time poocha hai Nonsense.
Banta: Time hi to bataya hai 12.35
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Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doctor.
Doc: What happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai
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Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.
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Girl to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.
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Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
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Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
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Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar program shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
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Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
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Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.
****************************************************************
Santa went to see a girl for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk.
After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.
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Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
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Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char gaiyan bas wich, hun meri wari no mor
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Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
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Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan phir MRF da tyre de de.
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
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Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi
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Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who are you?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
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Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
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Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.
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Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR.
She slapped him: Leave my finger, you fool, It's a girl...
****************************************************************
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Santa bola... "Ismein aur colour dikhayiye".
****************************************************************
Santa Banta zid kar rahe c monkey dekhan di... so tuhade ghar da address dita hai.
Yaar 2-4 tapusian maar ke dikha deo bichare khush ho jaan ge.
****************************************************************
Santa went to battery shop and asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
****************************************************************
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
****************************************************************
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
****************************************************************
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
****************************************************************
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Lo, hun isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
****************************************************************
Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!
****************************************************************
Liquor Prohibition
The following poster was introduced around 1919 (just before liquor prohibition started) and.................................
No wonder MEN kept drinking...
No wonder MEN kept drinking...
Do you also want to climb the ladder to success... LMAO ;-p
One day, Santa Singh came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.
She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Santa Singh figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Santa Singh saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Santa Singh really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered.
Santa Singh couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.
Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward
Santa Singh.
Apprehensively, Santa Singh whispers, "Who are you?"
The biker answers, "I'm Cess."
She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Santa Singh figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Santa Singh saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"
Santa Singh really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered.
Santa Singh couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.
Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward
Santa Singh.
Apprehensively, Santa Singh whispers, "Who are you?"
The biker answers, "I'm Cess."
Did you see...
A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded all the money.
Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did.'
Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did.'
Monday, November 24, 2008
Love Notes
Perversely confident, yet strangely unaware
A random request would leave me bare
For now realize doesn't matter how much I care
Lovelorn, emotionally I am a lay layer
In a one way journey, you bring me light you bring me day
But I just add to confusion I am the closed bay
It is you, all I think about every moment
And pray it’ll work out somehow, some way
Wish life was fair and love was fate
On the contrary today is too intricate
I meant it when I said “I do”
But you don’t really believe in a soul mate
Then why do I begin to get butterflies
Every time that I look into your eyes,
Is there a reason why my heart does skip a beat,
Forbidden fruit and a fatal desire
That I die after our lips passionately meet
Is this a joke
Was God being funny
Hopefully there is another reason
Maybe yet, it is a teaser of the movie playing
At the next fall, the next season
I wish you were here
Maybe I know that you are near
I shut my eyes and I find you there
Moment of truth, I find you nowhere
I love you more than I ever thought possible
Lust for you more than you could know
willingly would have fought with my creator
and hoped you didn't have to go
You are my spirit; you are the song of my soul
Cheers, to bonding, here I raise my toast
Spurn me, but be there to sing it for me
When I am down and I need it the most
And jerk who jerks, as I really am
but if you need, I will always be there;
there is no demon I won’t fight
for better or for worse, would always care
For you I seek all the stars of sky
and the power to fly
I wish, I prayed I was the fuel
Now dawned, destiny is merciless, is cruel
Every moment spent with you
Is like a beautiful dream come true
Have a dream to reveal
and want one infinite second with you
hoping against hope,
wishing that is also what you would have wanted to
When I’m with people and when I am alone
All I think about is you
All that is for now
have nothing else to do
When I wake up in the morning
and you’re the last thing I think about at night,
and when I fall asleep
I dream of holding you tight
I love you so much I hope you see,
your smile means the world to me,
Takes me to the cloud nine
Praying atheist, I wish you were mine
And there is nothing that I won’t do
Heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven
you are my Zenith as much as my Waterloo
You fear I have a zillion zones
With each maybe a thousand masks
Masks that you are afraid to take off
The fear of unveiling
The fear that maybe will make it impossible
For you to hate me
And I can't bear to be in this spot
Why can't we ever be… Why can't we ever be…
This is what I’ve become to be...
Love ya... more than I want to... more than you want me to...
A random request would leave me bare
For now realize doesn't matter how much I care
Lovelorn, emotionally I am a lay layer
In a one way journey, you bring me light you bring me day
But I just add to confusion I am the closed bay
It is you, all I think about every moment
And pray it’ll work out somehow, some way
Wish life was fair and love was fate
On the contrary today is too intricate
I meant it when I said “I do”
But you don’t really believe in a soul mate
Then why do I begin to get butterflies
Every time that I look into your eyes,
Is there a reason why my heart does skip a beat,
Forbidden fruit and a fatal desire
That I die after our lips passionately meet
Is this a joke
Was God being funny
Hopefully there is another reason
Maybe yet, it is a teaser of the movie playing
At the next fall, the next season
I wish you were here
Maybe I know that you are near
I shut my eyes and I find you there
Moment of truth, I find you nowhere
I love you more than I ever thought possible
Lust for you more than you could know
willingly would have fought with my creator
and hoped you didn't have to go
You are my spirit; you are the song of my soul
Cheers, to bonding, here I raise my toast
Spurn me, but be there to sing it for me
When I am down and I need it the most
And jerk who jerks, as I really am
but if you need, I will always be there;
there is no demon I won’t fight
for better or for worse, would always care
For you I seek all the stars of sky
and the power to fly
I wish, I prayed I was the fuel
Now dawned, destiny is merciless, is cruel
Every moment spent with you
Is like a beautiful dream come true
Have a dream to reveal
and want one infinite second with you
hoping against hope,
wishing that is also what you would have wanted to
When I’m with people and when I am alone
All I think about is you
All that is for now
have nothing else to do
When I wake up in the morning
and you’re the last thing I think about at night,
and when I fall asleep
I dream of holding you tight
I love you so much I hope you see,
your smile means the world to me,
Takes me to the cloud nine
Praying atheist, I wish you were mine
And there is nothing that I won’t do
Heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven
you are my Zenith as much as my Waterloo
You fear I have a zillion zones
With each maybe a thousand masks
Masks that you are afraid to take off
The fear of unveiling
The fear that maybe will make it impossible
For you to hate me
And I can't bear to be in this spot
Why can't we ever be… Why can't we ever be…
This is what I’ve become to be...
Love ya... more than I want to... more than you want me to...
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Bike or Girl Friend...
What would you choose to be in your Tent... your Bike or your Girl Friend...
Well... to be fair to him, his GF was not a good ride anyway...
LMAO... ;-D
Well... to be fair to him, his GF was not a good ride anyway...
LMAO... ;-D
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Dad appointed as the general secretary of the Lok Janshakti Party (LJP).
Hey!
The LJP party chief Shri Ram Vilas Paswan has appointed Daddy as the general secretary of the Lok Janshakti Party (LJP).
Daddy has been asked to look after the New Delhi and the Punjab unit of the party.
Hindustan (edition dated Tuesday, October 17, 2006) http://epaper.hindustandainik.com/artMailDisp.aspx?article=17_10_2006_008_004&typ=1&pub=324
Cheers!
Lokesh Grover
Thursday, September 28, 2006
हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।
लहरों से डरकर नौका पार नहीं होती, हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।
नन्ही चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है, चढ़ती दीवारों पर सौ बार फिसलती है,
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है, चढ़कर गिरना,गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है,
आखिर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती, कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।
डुबकियां सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है, जा-जाकर खाली हाथ लौट आता है,
मिलते न सहेज के मोती पानी में, बहता दूना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में,
मुठ्ठी उसकी खाली हर बार नहीं होती, हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।
असफलता एक चुनौती है स्वीकार करो, क्या कमी रह गयी,देखो और सुधार करो,
जब तक न सफल हो नींद चैन को त्यागो तुम, संघर्षों का मैदान छोड़ मत भागो तुम,
कुछ किये बिना ही जय-जयकार नहीं होती, हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।
नन्ही चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है, चढ़ती दीवारों पर सौ बार फिसलती है,
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है, चढ़कर गिरना,गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है,
आखिर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती, कोशिश करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।
डुबकियां सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है, जा-जाकर खाली हाथ लौट आता है,
मिलते न सहेज के मोती पानी में, बहता दूना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में,
मुठ्ठी उसकी खाली हर बार नहीं होती, हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।
असफलता एक चुनौती है स्वीकार करो, क्या कमी रह गयी,देखो और सुधार करो,
जब तक न सफल हो नींद चैन को त्यागो तुम, संघर्षों का मैदान छोड़ मत भागो तुम,
कुछ किये बिना ही जय-जयकार नहीं होती, हिम्मत करने वालों की हार नहीं होती।
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Answers men would love to give ...
Answers men would love to give to women's questions...
;-)
No we can't be friends, I just want you for sex...
The dress doesn't make you look fat; you look fat because you eat too damn much...
You've got no chance of me calling you - EVER !
No, I won't be gentle; what's the fun in that ?
Of course you have to swallow...
Well yes actually, I do this all the time...
I hate all your stupid friends...
I have every intention of using you...And none of even speaking to you after tonight...
I'd much rather watch a porno than this sissy movie...
Eat it ??? Are you nuts ??? It took me three drinks to get up the courage to screw it...
Yes I mind waiting, very much...If you're not ready in 5 more minutes, forget it !
No, I would not rather talk than watch the game...
I don't care if you did spend all day cooking...This tastes terrible !
Your hair looks as good as it's ever gonna look; let's go !
No, I don't intend to do anything all day - it's Sunday, a day of rest...
Yeah, we're lost; so what, enjoy the scenery...
No, I don't really care that you didn't climax too...
Because it's a neat new tool...That's why I bought it.
No, I don't want to go shopping with you...not now; not ever !
Yes, I indeed was staring at that girl's boobs...
Sure I was flirting...She looks like she'd be good in bed...
Yes, I know exactly how long the game's been on...There's a clock right on the screen.
No, the "PlayBoy" channel wasn't included in the package; we pay extra for it.
Actually, I do find her a lot more attractive than you...
Yes, I do talk more than 5 minutes on the phone...Not with you however.
Because the more beer I drink, the less annoying you seem to be...
No, I don't think our marriage was a mistake; it was a disaster.
No, actually, I didn't miss you at all, it was rather peaceful in fact.
;-)
;-)
No we can't be friends, I just want you for sex...
The dress doesn't make you look fat; you look fat because you eat too damn much...
You've got no chance of me calling you - EVER !
No, I won't be gentle; what's the fun in that ?
Of course you have to swallow...
Well yes actually, I do this all the time...
I hate all your stupid friends...
I have every intention of using you...And none of even speaking to you after tonight...
I'd much rather watch a porno than this sissy movie...
Eat it ??? Are you nuts ??? It took me three drinks to get up the courage to screw it...
Yes I mind waiting, very much...If you're not ready in 5 more minutes, forget it !
No, I would not rather talk than watch the game...
I don't care if you did spend all day cooking...This tastes terrible !
Your hair looks as good as it's ever gonna look; let's go !
No, I don't intend to do anything all day - it's Sunday, a day of rest...
Yeah, we're lost; so what, enjoy the scenery...
No, I don't really care that you didn't climax too...
Because it's a neat new tool...That's why I bought it.
No, I don't want to go shopping with you...not now; not ever !
Yes, I indeed was staring at that girl's boobs...
Sure I was flirting...She looks like she'd be good in bed...
Yes, I know exactly how long the game's been on...There's a clock right on the screen.
No, the "PlayBoy" channel wasn't included in the package; we pay extra for it.
Actually, I do find her a lot more attractive than you...
Yes, I do talk more than 5 minutes on the phone...Not with you however.
Because the more beer I drink, the less annoying you seem to be...
No, I don't think our marriage was a mistake; it was a disaster.
No, actually, I didn't miss you at all, it was rather peaceful in fact.
;-)
Monday, July 24, 2006
Bush
After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand-writing to let him know he is still alive and in the game.
Bush opened the letter as it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI.
So it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
"HELLO-ASSHOLE"
;-)
Bush opened the letter as it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI.
So it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
"HELLO-ASSHOLE"
;-)
Do you have the time...
A Lady asked a Sardar, "What's the time now?".
He replied "Bra Panties"
She slapped him hard and said, "I asked you the time".
Sardar said, "wahi to bataya ki 'BARAH PAINTEES' hue hain" ... < 12:35 >
;-)
He replied "Bra Panties"
She slapped him hard and said, "I asked you the time".
Sardar said, "wahi to bataya ki 'BARAH PAINTEES' hue hain" ... < 12:35 >
;-)
Monday, July 17, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Love...
I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me.
Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."
This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.
Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.
It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to learn...
Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."
This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.
Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.
It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to learn...
Why did Zidane hit Materazzi......
Zidane had the perfect reason to take out Materazzi......
Materazzi had the audacity to ask Zidane...
"Bhaiya, Hum Chlormint Kyun Khaate Hain"
;-)
Materazzi had the audacity to ask Zidane...
"Bhaiya, Hum Chlormint Kyun Khaate Hain"
;-)
Friday, July 14, 2006
The AQUARIUS Man
The AQUARIUS Man
Source: Linda Goodman's LOVE SIGNS
All this time the Guard was looking at her,
first through a telescope,
then through a microscope,
and then through an opera glass.
At last he said, "You're traveling the wrong way,"
and shut up the window...
To wade bravely smack dab into the center of the problem, don't expect an Aquarian male to behave the way people in love are supposed to behave. If you do, you're in for quite a jolt, maybe even a series of jolts. When it comes to friendship, he's all you could ask for in a pal or a confidant. Love? Well, as an Aquarian I once knew said, "Anybody can have a girl. But love is something else again." That was an astute observation. It's "something else," all right, with Aquarians.
It's when he acts as though he doesn't like you that he's close to being hooked, and the reason is elementary- simple logic. The Aquarian Water Bearer likes everybody. Everyone is his friend. He'll even refer to his worst enemy as "my friend." So it means something when he says he doesn't like someone. Just what it means may take some study. The various nuances can be complicated.
An Aquarian man doesn't want to reveal his true feelings, in spite of his favorite pastime of penetrating the feelings of others. His own reactions and motives are complex, and he intends to keep them that way for the pure pleasure of fooling you. Many strange experiences will come to this man, through both love and friendship, and he'll scrutinize each one avidly. Until you get him to the altar, you're just another experience, another experiment, hard as that may be to take. Don't sniffle. He can be tricked, for all his caution. But before you start tricking him, you'd better try to understand how to cope with his unique outlook about people.
He's a group man, and teamwork comes naturally to him. Aquarius understands the fair play rules of sports as if he had invented them, and he carries these rules into his personal relationships. His interests are scattered all over the place. That's because his love of people is so impersonal; he gives a certain value to everyone he meets, while the rest of us save such efforts for only the very special people in our lives. To an Aquarian, everyone is special. And I mean everyone. Even those he hasn't met yet. Few Uranus men are either selfish or petty. When he does show those qualities, a gentle reminder that he's being narrow-minded will bring him around. Aquarians just can't stand to be called narrow-minded.
He responds to unusually high ideals, thanks to his rigid moral code (though you'd better understand that it's his own code, which may not necessarily reflect or correspond to the one accepted by society in general). He'll almost surely lead a life of change, controversy and unexpected events. Yet there will often be moments of perfect tranquility with him, impossible to find with any other Sun sign. Once he's over the shock that he's allowed himself to become interested in one woman above all of mankind, he can be an extremely considerate lover. The danger area is before he's over the shock. Since he's so accustomed to neglecting his own problems in the interest of the majority, hopefully some of this attitude will rub off on his love life. Don't count on it, though. The chances are just as good that he'll suddenly realize he's devoting his complete loyalty to you when there are all those other nameless faces out there who need him. Then he may lean over backwards to prove to himself that he hasn't lost his love for his friends and the rest of humanity by being attached to just one person.
Forever analyzing, the Aquarian man will frequently ask himself, "I wonder what she meant by that?" He won't rest until he finds out either. Puzzles drive him simply wild and don’t be fooled by his nonchalance. When he senses something is hidden, he just won't sleep at night until he's unraveled the mystery and penetrated the veil. There's always the possibility that he might be disappointed in what he finds, so make sure it's worth discovering. If it isn't, he'll have no qualms about making it painfully evident-and off he'll go to unravel a new veil. The girl who wants to land him eventually has first to intrigue him. An open book will never pique his curiosity.
He's attracted to closed pages, the more tightly closed, the better to arouse his detective instinct. When a female either ignores him or keeps her own counsel, in the beginning at least, his eyes will open a little wider and he will get an alert expression, amazingly like that of a bloodhound on the scent of something missing. Why is she so emotional? (You can be emotional, you see, as long as you don't explain why.) Is she really so changeable or is it an act? Why does she wear all that perfume and make-up and such low-cut dresses, and then get insulted when those Leos and Sagittarians and Scorpios whistle at her in front of the drugstore? Does she want male advances or doesn't she? Is she a puritan or promiscuous?
What makes her tick? As he probes and questions and examines, the girl is at first flattered, naturally-but when she sees he's just as intently curious about the waitress who just served them (not to mention the bus boy), she begins to cool somewhat. Feeling like an insect trapped under a scientist's cold eye isn't exactly calculated to cause the heart to flutter in any feminine bosom. So she finally drifts (or runs) away to a more fiery or earthy male, and the Aquarian sadly sighs for an instant or two before he begins his next romantic investigation. (If some new invention or unique idea hasn't aroused his interest first. In which case the next female research project must wait.)
Aquarian men can be touchingly gentle and docile, but you'd better tie a bright blue electric string around your finger to remind you that his surface calmness is a mirage. So is his apparent pliability. He won't tolerate an ounce of opportunism from a female. If he thinks he's being exploited, that unpredictable Uranian charm can vanish so quickly you'll think Cary Grant has turned into James Cagney, poised to throw a grapefruit-half in your face. The frightening thing is that an extremely upset Aquarian is perfectly capable of such shocking action. What's even more frightening is that you may forgive him. Don't. At least, not more than once. He admires a woman who holds her ground, if she's not too masculine about it, and if she lets him fly hither and yon, unencumbered by mushy promises and tearful accusations. As for that grapefruit, it's only fair to point out that Aquarians are usually most gallant with the fair sex. But sometimes they can forget to distinguish between the sexes in the throes of excitement.
Couple that with the Uranus unpredictability, and it does add up to a possible squirt of grapefruit juice in the eye.
There's always an excellent possibility that an Aquarian will achieve some sort of prestige during his lifetime. If it's only a trophy for stickball or a brass plaque for being the tallest man in county he's sure to be honored with some kind of recognition. It could be something as splendid as winning the Nobel Prize. Lots of Aquarians achieve such distinctions. (On the other hand, a large percentage of disturbed Aquarians are weekly visitors to a head shrinks. It may be kind of tricky to tell the difference).
Some Uranus-ruled men have a fetish for cleanliness. You may bump into one who shrieks if anyone uses his towel or breathes on his oatmeal. Back of this is an almost neurotic fear of germs and illness. The Aquarian isn't above letting his phobias trail over into his romantic life, when they can serve a purpose, though he may do so unconsciously. Don't be surprised if he complains that he's allergic to your eye shadow and it makes him sneeze. Uranians have a way of developing allergies to things they'd rather avoid, and they can even fool the doctors, let alone innocent, unsuspecting girls.
He's not the type to woo you with extravagant gestures. He's as likely to pull up a dandelion and toss it at you as bring you an orchid. To be honest, more likely. He won't present you with mink coats and diamonds. But life with him can still be glamorous, even without the mink. There's the well-known story about Helen Hayes and her husband, Charles MacArthur. When they first met, he handed her a bowl of peanuts and said, "I wish they were emeralds." Many years and many dollars later, he gave her a cluster of glittering emeralds with the remark, "I wish they were peanuts." I don't know if MacArthur was an Aquarian, but Uranus was certainly prominent in his natal chart. That's exactly the kind of unexpected glory you'll know with an Aquarian lover. Who needs mink?
Now let's face the worst fact courageously. No flinching or wishful thinking. Here it is. Unlike Cancer, Capricorn, Leo and Libra, Aquarians don't take to marriage like a baby takes to candy. To be truthful, most of them avoid it as long as it's humanly possible. A rare Aquarian male will be enticed into a shower of shoes and rice at an early age, but it doesn't happen often enough for the statistics to be encouraging. The way the impasse usually starts is that the Aquarian makes beautiful, wonderful, glorious friendship the basis of the love. (Easier to slide away from later, my dear.) They choose a girl who's also a chum, and who can keep up with the Aquarian interests, including Tendulkar's batting average, crossword puzzles, Arabian horses, fireflies on the Mississippi and the Dead Sea Scrolls. Why? That's easy. With so much to talk about, there's less time for lovemaking, which can get him seriously involved and committed. His ideal is the female who is his friend, and who doesn't make heavy emotional demands on him. Where do we go from here? Nowhere, usually.
Aquarian men find it difficult to relax in physical expressions of love. That first goodnight kiss may be a long time materializing. Admittedly, it's often well worth waiting for, and the suspense makes it even more special. But he'll cling to the illusion that he's involved in a nice, safe platonic friendship long after such a palsy-walsy relationship has become impossible for you.
Even after he's mustered the courage to say, "I love you," he'll avoid the issue of marriage with every excuse in the book. When those run out, he can think up some pretty imaginative new ones. He'll patiently explain that he can't support you in the manner you deserve, his parents need him at home, or he's not good enough for you. If that doesn't work, he'll claim that the future is too uncertain, what with the threats of nuclear destruction and all. What if his boss sends him to Alaska next year? You might die of pneumonia up there, and he would be grief-stricken the rest of his life. You think he can't top that? One Aquarian man I know was engaged for twelve years to a girl he wouldn't marry because "she would have to sacrifice a great career on Broadway." The fact that the girl had never set foot on a stage in her life was beside the point. He thought she had talent. Someday, a producer might just discover her. Then how would she feel if he had held her back by marrying her? Worse yet, how would he feel? Guilty. Just plain selfish and guilty. It's not surprising that this poor female finally escaped to a more positive rival.
But all is not lost. Though it's true that most Aquarians wed late, they do eventually wed-usually. It normally happens after the last bachelor friend has sailed away to a Bermuda honeymoon, and the Aquarian wakes up to realize that here is a mystery other people have solved that he hasn't even investigated. Naturally, he can't stand that, so pop goes the proposal! Suddenly, of course. Uranus, you know.
In the early stages, you may think he needs a lesson and decide to let him think he's lost you to a more aggressive suitor. Let me warn you that you're likely to stay lost. Your broken-hearted Uranian is not nearly as apt to come charging after you with the fire of possession in his eye as he is to shed a couple of quiet tears and say, "Well, I guess the best man won." He'll resign himself to a life without you with insulting ease. He's even liable to ask the unbearable question, "Can't we still be friends?" If you say no emphatically, he'll probably just shrug dejectedly and slowly walk away. If you say yes well, you're right back where you started-friends.
Jealousy isn't his cup of tea. He'll trust you until you show him you can't be trusted. Not because he's trusting by nature, but because his analytical dissection has already satisfied him about your character. Unless there are marked afflictions in his natal chart, he's not capable of unfounded suspicion and possessiveness. If he does have a rare stab of jealousy, you'll never know it if he can help it. He will rarely, if ever, be physically unfaithful himself, mostly because the whole subject of sex, though it's interesting, doesn't consume him. An occasional Aquarian may spend a great deal of time intensely pondering sex, but if you know one of these, you can safely assume there's a heavy Scorpio influence in his natal chart. (And chances are even this type won't pursue it actively and openly.)
Once an Aquarian has chosen a mate, he figures he can concentrate on more important things. He can relax and investigate the boy-girl or man-woman relationship at his own leisure in his own private laboratory (which isn't a bad possibility for its eventual chance of success when you stop to think about it).
Uranian sex is part of a larger image or ideal. Should a temptation to engage in illicit romance arise (illicit in his eye that is), he'll usually end the affair abruptly, though it may hurt him deeply, rather than continue what he considers to be a dishonest relationship. The situation that made him feel guilty could be almost anything, from the disapproval of your parents or conflicting religions to an old boy friend not completely discarded, a promise he made to himself at the age of eight, or something he once read in a book. But whatever it is, it will somehow have to be adjusted and resolved before he'll ever renew the closeness, even if the love is as fated as that of Victoria and Albert. The Aquarian will always let his heart break silently, lest his friends hear and ask questions.
He's capable of waiting until he's ninety to claim you, even if you feel that's a bit long to wait for consummation. The worst of it is that he will never give a reason for the break. That's for him to know and you to find out. He'll perversely let you think it was just a fantasy from the beginning, and hold back the real truth that it was genuine for some hazy future day of forgiveness and reconciliation. It can be pretty cruel, but that's the way he plays the game.
Your only comfort is the knowledge that he's suffering in his own way, too. How will you know that? Read "How to Recognize Aquarius" again. He has his subtle ways of telegraphing his feelings, and they can be enormously frustrating; especially when his unique, private communication signals a green go light while he publicly keeps holding out a red stop light until he's ready to switch. It can make for some nasty romantic traffic snarls. It's hard on the pedestrian, but he's in the driver's seat, so there's not a lot you can do-except perhaps think up another mystery to tempt him with, or maybe shake him a little with some smashing success to make him curious to talk with you again-like being the first woman to orbit Venus.Not that such a feat will change his feelings. If he really loves you, he'll love you even if you don't orbit any farther than to the comer delicatessen, but it might interfere with his fixed strategy. You may gather from all this that a Uranus man can be pretty stubborn when it comes to love. You would be so right. His fixity in affectionate matters can drive you straight into the booby hatch or drive you to someone else in desperation. That's a big fat waste of time. He's not jealous, remember? Or he won't show it if he is. Besides, with his darned Uranian intuition, he'll know it's all an act. Because he knows what makes you tick. Don't forget, he studied you for a long time. About the only thing you can do is hope you'll still be attractive at ninety or else start practicing those Venus orbits.
Putting the shoe on the other foot, an Aquarian can arouse a heap of possessiveness in you when the tables are turned. Don't let it throw you off balance. Thanks to the everlasting Uranus proclivity for friendship, whenever and wherever he finds it, there may be times when you won't know where he is, even after you're married and you should. Just tell yourself that, no matter how late he sits up with a friend, it's only his normal curiosity at work, his never-ending interest in people. If the friend is a woman, pretend you didn't notice. In all honesty, he most likely didn't. You can expect the truth when you ask him a direct question. But if you doubt him and ask again, he'll figure you don't want the truth. To punish you, he'll make up the wildest story he can dream up (and he can dream up some pretty wild ones). You may regret your suspicions when you spend a few hours in abject misery wondering if he really did tell that redhead she was gorgeous. (That's after he told you he didn't even remember talking to her and you said, "Ha! I just bet you don't remember.") He honestly didn't, but you asked for details, so he gladly obliged with some purely imaginary ones to teach you a lesson. You'll learn fast.
Don't be hurt when he's in one of his solitary moods and prefers to be alone with his silent dreams. He'll return to share them with you, all the more warm and tender for his spiritual retreat and anything that warms him up should definitely be encouraged.
He may not be the best breadwinner around, but he's capable of inventing something beneficial to the world or being the first man to land on Mars. He'll feel right at home there, too. There's always a surprise just around the comer with an Aquarian husband, even when the budget is shaky. Naturally, there are a few Uranian men who are wealthy, even millionaires, but a high-income bracket is seldom a burning ambition. All the rich Aquarians you see probably stumbled on it. It's certain they didn't greedily grasp for it. If he has a fat bank book, the chances are it gained weight while he was attempting to improve some product or idea for the good of humanity in general-or he's saved it to support his eccentric old age. Who knows? He might want to take a trip in a time machine someday, and he wants to be sure to have the fare. Most of the time he'll be reasonable about money, but save when you can, and don't run up charge accounts. He'll never recover from sheer extravagance on your part. Sometimes he can surprise you with a burst of generosity, but he won't go overboard, unless he has an Aries, Leo, Sagittarius or Pisces ascendant. Even then, he won't be a big butter and egg man.
The children will find him the greatest listener on the block. He'll be fascinated at the perfect breath control of the wolf when he blew down the three little pigs' pad and curious about how the old witch pickled the poisoned apple that put the whammy on Snow White. A small boy's trouble learning how to strike a home run and a little girl's tears over a broken doll are simply the problems of a couple of pals in trouble to an Aquarian father. He's a whiz at complicated arithmetic questions, too.
Don't let your career make you neglect to feed him or sew on his buttons. Don't encourage your girl friends to camp on his couch or tie up the telephone for hours, and don't get engrossed in TV or a novel when he wants you to find his old soft ball in the attic or pull a splinter out of his finger. He married you for several reasons. Though romance may play its part, the most important reason was to have you around; so he would always have someone to mash his baked potato, cross-stitch his buttonholes, find his lost articles and operate on an occasional splinter. He won't to your letting television; reading or female chums interfere with those duties. His idea of a good wife and mother is quite simple: a woman who keeps at it almost constantly. Even the more liberal Aquarian husbands will frown on a glamorous gadabout. But you won't mind it too much. He's so full of interesting surprises himself you won't need soap operas, women's magazines and tete-a-tetes with girl friends to keep your mind and emotions challenged. (He may be about all the challenge you can take.) You can always catch up on the female gossip and such when he's engrossed in some new project and gets a little absent-minded about what you're doing. But just be sure to be there when he has a sore finger, because he can be a real sorehead when he's neglected.
Strangely, since he's so realistic about most things, the Aquarian will never forget his first love. (Not the first date, but the first girl who ever gave him a rainbow. There's a difference.) Uranians frequently marry childhood sweethearts years later, or cling to a faded illusion. An Aquarian can usually describe his first love in detail, which can be annoying to a wife. The solution is to be that first love. You may have to wait a long time to wear orange blossoms, but at least a ghost won’t replace you. Who else could turn peanuts into emeralds or vice versa, never mind a little grapefruit juice in the eye? Despite his general romantic clumsiness, he can come up with sudden phrases, which could only have been invented by the angels. He can forget your wedding anniversary, but he'll bring you violets in January. Christmas? Who says it has to be on December 25th? It can be any time you want it to be. He may go for days or weeks or months without a single word of romance or affection. Then some morning while you're slicing his blueberry pie, he'll look deep into your eyes and ask gently, "Do you know how beautiful you are?" There will be something about the way he says it that will make your knees weak.
Jingle bells on the seashore, birthdays at dawn. Valentine’s Day on Halloween, rainbows at midnight. Pin a red heart on an orange pumpkin, roll Easter eggs in the snow, light the candles on the cake on top of a Ferris wheel - you're in love with an Aquarian, didn't you know? I wish you a Frank Merriwell ending. But be careful. You can get lost out there in Wonderland.
Source: Linda Goodman's LOVE SIGNS
All this time the Guard was looking at her,
first through a telescope,
then through a microscope,
and then through an opera glass.
At last he said, "You're traveling the wrong way,"
and shut up the window...
To wade bravely smack dab into the center of the problem, don't expect an Aquarian male to behave the way people in love are supposed to behave. If you do, you're in for quite a jolt, maybe even a series of jolts. When it comes to friendship, he's all you could ask for in a pal or a confidant. Love? Well, as an Aquarian I once knew said, "Anybody can have a girl. But love is something else again." That was an astute observation. It's "something else," all right, with Aquarians.
It's when he acts as though he doesn't like you that he's close to being hooked, and the reason is elementary- simple logic. The Aquarian Water Bearer likes everybody. Everyone is his friend. He'll even refer to his worst enemy as "my friend." So it means something when he says he doesn't like someone. Just what it means may take some study. The various nuances can be complicated.
An Aquarian man doesn't want to reveal his true feelings, in spite of his favorite pastime of penetrating the feelings of others. His own reactions and motives are complex, and he intends to keep them that way for the pure pleasure of fooling you. Many strange experiences will come to this man, through both love and friendship, and he'll scrutinize each one avidly. Until you get him to the altar, you're just another experience, another experiment, hard as that may be to take. Don't sniffle. He can be tricked, for all his caution. But before you start tricking him, you'd better try to understand how to cope with his unique outlook about people.
He's a group man, and teamwork comes naturally to him. Aquarius understands the fair play rules of sports as if he had invented them, and he carries these rules into his personal relationships. His interests are scattered all over the place. That's because his love of people is so impersonal; he gives a certain value to everyone he meets, while the rest of us save such efforts for only the very special people in our lives. To an Aquarian, everyone is special. And I mean everyone. Even those he hasn't met yet. Few Uranus men are either selfish or petty. When he does show those qualities, a gentle reminder that he's being narrow-minded will bring him around. Aquarians just can't stand to be called narrow-minded.
He responds to unusually high ideals, thanks to his rigid moral code (though you'd better understand that it's his own code, which may not necessarily reflect or correspond to the one accepted by society in general). He'll almost surely lead a life of change, controversy and unexpected events. Yet there will often be moments of perfect tranquility with him, impossible to find with any other Sun sign. Once he's over the shock that he's allowed himself to become interested in one woman above all of mankind, he can be an extremely considerate lover. The danger area is before he's over the shock. Since he's so accustomed to neglecting his own problems in the interest of the majority, hopefully some of this attitude will rub off on his love life. Don't count on it, though. The chances are just as good that he'll suddenly realize he's devoting his complete loyalty to you when there are all those other nameless faces out there who need him. Then he may lean over backwards to prove to himself that he hasn't lost his love for his friends and the rest of humanity by being attached to just one person.
Forever analyzing, the Aquarian man will frequently ask himself, "I wonder what she meant by that?" He won't rest until he finds out either. Puzzles drive him simply wild and don’t be fooled by his nonchalance. When he senses something is hidden, he just won't sleep at night until he's unraveled the mystery and penetrated the veil. There's always the possibility that he might be disappointed in what he finds, so make sure it's worth discovering. If it isn't, he'll have no qualms about making it painfully evident-and off he'll go to unravel a new veil. The girl who wants to land him eventually has first to intrigue him. An open book will never pique his curiosity.
He's attracted to closed pages, the more tightly closed, the better to arouse his detective instinct. When a female either ignores him or keeps her own counsel, in the beginning at least, his eyes will open a little wider and he will get an alert expression, amazingly like that of a bloodhound on the scent of something missing. Why is she so emotional? (You can be emotional, you see, as long as you don't explain why.) Is she really so changeable or is it an act? Why does she wear all that perfume and make-up and such low-cut dresses, and then get insulted when those Leos and Sagittarians and Scorpios whistle at her in front of the drugstore? Does she want male advances or doesn't she? Is she a puritan or promiscuous?
What makes her tick? As he probes and questions and examines, the girl is at first flattered, naturally-but when she sees he's just as intently curious about the waitress who just served them (not to mention the bus boy), she begins to cool somewhat. Feeling like an insect trapped under a scientist's cold eye isn't exactly calculated to cause the heart to flutter in any feminine bosom. So she finally drifts (or runs) away to a more fiery or earthy male, and the Aquarian sadly sighs for an instant or two before he begins his next romantic investigation. (If some new invention or unique idea hasn't aroused his interest first. In which case the next female research project must wait.)
Aquarian men can be touchingly gentle and docile, but you'd better tie a bright blue electric string around your finger to remind you that his surface calmness is a mirage. So is his apparent pliability. He won't tolerate an ounce of opportunism from a female. If he thinks he's being exploited, that unpredictable Uranian charm can vanish so quickly you'll think Cary Grant has turned into James Cagney, poised to throw a grapefruit-half in your face. The frightening thing is that an extremely upset Aquarian is perfectly capable of such shocking action. What's even more frightening is that you may forgive him. Don't. At least, not more than once. He admires a woman who holds her ground, if she's not too masculine about it, and if she lets him fly hither and yon, unencumbered by mushy promises and tearful accusations. As for that grapefruit, it's only fair to point out that Aquarians are usually most gallant with the fair sex. But sometimes they can forget to distinguish between the sexes in the throes of excitement.
Couple that with the Uranus unpredictability, and it does add up to a possible squirt of grapefruit juice in the eye.
There's always an excellent possibility that an Aquarian will achieve some sort of prestige during his lifetime. If it's only a trophy for stickball or a brass plaque for being the tallest man in county he's sure to be honored with some kind of recognition. It could be something as splendid as winning the Nobel Prize. Lots of Aquarians achieve such distinctions. (On the other hand, a large percentage of disturbed Aquarians are weekly visitors to a head shrinks. It may be kind of tricky to tell the difference).
Some Uranus-ruled men have a fetish for cleanliness. You may bump into one who shrieks if anyone uses his towel or breathes on his oatmeal. Back of this is an almost neurotic fear of germs and illness. The Aquarian isn't above letting his phobias trail over into his romantic life, when they can serve a purpose, though he may do so unconsciously. Don't be surprised if he complains that he's allergic to your eye shadow and it makes him sneeze. Uranians have a way of developing allergies to things they'd rather avoid, and they can even fool the doctors, let alone innocent, unsuspecting girls.
He's not the type to woo you with extravagant gestures. He's as likely to pull up a dandelion and toss it at you as bring you an orchid. To be honest, more likely. He won't present you with mink coats and diamonds. But life with him can still be glamorous, even without the mink. There's the well-known story about Helen Hayes and her husband, Charles MacArthur. When they first met, he handed her a bowl of peanuts and said, "I wish they were emeralds." Many years and many dollars later, he gave her a cluster of glittering emeralds with the remark, "I wish they were peanuts." I don't know if MacArthur was an Aquarian, but Uranus was certainly prominent in his natal chart. That's exactly the kind of unexpected glory you'll know with an Aquarian lover. Who needs mink?
Now let's face the worst fact courageously. No flinching or wishful thinking. Here it is. Unlike Cancer, Capricorn, Leo and Libra, Aquarians don't take to marriage like a baby takes to candy. To be truthful, most of them avoid it as long as it's humanly possible. A rare Aquarian male will be enticed into a shower of shoes and rice at an early age, but it doesn't happen often enough for the statistics to be encouraging. The way the impasse usually starts is that the Aquarian makes beautiful, wonderful, glorious friendship the basis of the love. (Easier to slide away from later, my dear.) They choose a girl who's also a chum, and who can keep up with the Aquarian interests, including Tendulkar's batting average, crossword puzzles, Arabian horses, fireflies on the Mississippi and the Dead Sea Scrolls. Why? That's easy. With so much to talk about, there's less time for lovemaking, which can get him seriously involved and committed. His ideal is the female who is his friend, and who doesn't make heavy emotional demands on him. Where do we go from here? Nowhere, usually.
Aquarian men find it difficult to relax in physical expressions of love. That first goodnight kiss may be a long time materializing. Admittedly, it's often well worth waiting for, and the suspense makes it even more special. But he'll cling to the illusion that he's involved in a nice, safe platonic friendship long after such a palsy-walsy relationship has become impossible for you.
Even after he's mustered the courage to say, "I love you," he'll avoid the issue of marriage with every excuse in the book. When those run out, he can think up some pretty imaginative new ones. He'll patiently explain that he can't support you in the manner you deserve, his parents need him at home, or he's not good enough for you. If that doesn't work, he'll claim that the future is too uncertain, what with the threats of nuclear destruction and all. What if his boss sends him to Alaska next year? You might die of pneumonia up there, and he would be grief-stricken the rest of his life. You think he can't top that? One Aquarian man I know was engaged for twelve years to a girl he wouldn't marry because "she would have to sacrifice a great career on Broadway." The fact that the girl had never set foot on a stage in her life was beside the point. He thought she had talent. Someday, a producer might just discover her. Then how would she feel if he had held her back by marrying her? Worse yet, how would he feel? Guilty. Just plain selfish and guilty. It's not surprising that this poor female finally escaped to a more positive rival.
But all is not lost. Though it's true that most Aquarians wed late, they do eventually wed-usually. It normally happens after the last bachelor friend has sailed away to a Bermuda honeymoon, and the Aquarian wakes up to realize that here is a mystery other people have solved that he hasn't even investigated. Naturally, he can't stand that, so pop goes the proposal! Suddenly, of course. Uranus, you know.
In the early stages, you may think he needs a lesson and decide to let him think he's lost you to a more aggressive suitor. Let me warn you that you're likely to stay lost. Your broken-hearted Uranian is not nearly as apt to come charging after you with the fire of possession in his eye as he is to shed a couple of quiet tears and say, "Well, I guess the best man won." He'll resign himself to a life without you with insulting ease. He's even liable to ask the unbearable question, "Can't we still be friends?" If you say no emphatically, he'll probably just shrug dejectedly and slowly walk away. If you say yes well, you're right back where you started-friends.
Jealousy isn't his cup of tea. He'll trust you until you show him you can't be trusted. Not because he's trusting by nature, but because his analytical dissection has already satisfied him about your character. Unless there are marked afflictions in his natal chart, he's not capable of unfounded suspicion and possessiveness. If he does have a rare stab of jealousy, you'll never know it if he can help it. He will rarely, if ever, be physically unfaithful himself, mostly because the whole subject of sex, though it's interesting, doesn't consume him. An occasional Aquarian may spend a great deal of time intensely pondering sex, but if you know one of these, you can safely assume there's a heavy Scorpio influence in his natal chart. (And chances are even this type won't pursue it actively and openly.)
Once an Aquarian has chosen a mate, he figures he can concentrate on more important things. He can relax and investigate the boy-girl or man-woman relationship at his own leisure in his own private laboratory (which isn't a bad possibility for its eventual chance of success when you stop to think about it).
Uranian sex is part of a larger image or ideal. Should a temptation to engage in illicit romance arise (illicit in his eye that is), he'll usually end the affair abruptly, though it may hurt him deeply, rather than continue what he considers to be a dishonest relationship. The situation that made him feel guilty could be almost anything, from the disapproval of your parents or conflicting religions to an old boy friend not completely discarded, a promise he made to himself at the age of eight, or something he once read in a book. But whatever it is, it will somehow have to be adjusted and resolved before he'll ever renew the closeness, even if the love is as fated as that of Victoria and Albert. The Aquarian will always let his heart break silently, lest his friends hear and ask questions.
He's capable of waiting until he's ninety to claim you, even if you feel that's a bit long to wait for consummation. The worst of it is that he will never give a reason for the break. That's for him to know and you to find out. He'll perversely let you think it was just a fantasy from the beginning, and hold back the real truth that it was genuine for some hazy future day of forgiveness and reconciliation. It can be pretty cruel, but that's the way he plays the game.
Your only comfort is the knowledge that he's suffering in his own way, too. How will you know that? Read "How to Recognize Aquarius" again. He has his subtle ways of telegraphing his feelings, and they can be enormously frustrating; especially when his unique, private communication signals a green go light while he publicly keeps holding out a red stop light until he's ready to switch. It can make for some nasty romantic traffic snarls. It's hard on the pedestrian, but he's in the driver's seat, so there's not a lot you can do-except perhaps think up another mystery to tempt him with, or maybe shake him a little with some smashing success to make him curious to talk with you again-like being the first woman to orbit Venus.Not that such a feat will change his feelings. If he really loves you, he'll love you even if you don't orbit any farther than to the comer delicatessen, but it might interfere with his fixed strategy. You may gather from all this that a Uranus man can be pretty stubborn when it comes to love. You would be so right. His fixity in affectionate matters can drive you straight into the booby hatch or drive you to someone else in desperation. That's a big fat waste of time. He's not jealous, remember? Or he won't show it if he is. Besides, with his darned Uranian intuition, he'll know it's all an act. Because he knows what makes you tick. Don't forget, he studied you for a long time. About the only thing you can do is hope you'll still be attractive at ninety or else start practicing those Venus orbits.
Putting the shoe on the other foot, an Aquarian can arouse a heap of possessiveness in you when the tables are turned. Don't let it throw you off balance. Thanks to the everlasting Uranus proclivity for friendship, whenever and wherever he finds it, there may be times when you won't know where he is, even after you're married and you should. Just tell yourself that, no matter how late he sits up with a friend, it's only his normal curiosity at work, his never-ending interest in people. If the friend is a woman, pretend you didn't notice. In all honesty, he most likely didn't. You can expect the truth when you ask him a direct question. But if you doubt him and ask again, he'll figure you don't want the truth. To punish you, he'll make up the wildest story he can dream up (and he can dream up some pretty wild ones). You may regret your suspicions when you spend a few hours in abject misery wondering if he really did tell that redhead she was gorgeous. (That's after he told you he didn't even remember talking to her and you said, "Ha! I just bet you don't remember.") He honestly didn't, but you asked for details, so he gladly obliged with some purely imaginary ones to teach you a lesson. You'll learn fast.
Don't be hurt when he's in one of his solitary moods and prefers to be alone with his silent dreams. He'll return to share them with you, all the more warm and tender for his spiritual retreat and anything that warms him up should definitely be encouraged.
He may not be the best breadwinner around, but he's capable of inventing something beneficial to the world or being the first man to land on Mars. He'll feel right at home there, too. There's always a surprise just around the comer with an Aquarian husband, even when the budget is shaky. Naturally, there are a few Uranian men who are wealthy, even millionaires, but a high-income bracket is seldom a burning ambition. All the rich Aquarians you see probably stumbled on it. It's certain they didn't greedily grasp for it. If he has a fat bank book, the chances are it gained weight while he was attempting to improve some product or idea for the good of humanity in general-or he's saved it to support his eccentric old age. Who knows? He might want to take a trip in a time machine someday, and he wants to be sure to have the fare. Most of the time he'll be reasonable about money, but save when you can, and don't run up charge accounts. He'll never recover from sheer extravagance on your part. Sometimes he can surprise you with a burst of generosity, but he won't go overboard, unless he has an Aries, Leo, Sagittarius or Pisces ascendant. Even then, he won't be a big butter and egg man.
The children will find him the greatest listener on the block. He'll be fascinated at the perfect breath control of the wolf when he blew down the three little pigs' pad and curious about how the old witch pickled the poisoned apple that put the whammy on Snow White. A small boy's trouble learning how to strike a home run and a little girl's tears over a broken doll are simply the problems of a couple of pals in trouble to an Aquarian father. He's a whiz at complicated arithmetic questions, too.
Don't let your career make you neglect to feed him or sew on his buttons. Don't encourage your girl friends to camp on his couch or tie up the telephone for hours, and don't get engrossed in TV or a novel when he wants you to find his old soft ball in the attic or pull a splinter out of his finger. He married you for several reasons. Though romance may play its part, the most important reason was to have you around; so he would always have someone to mash his baked potato, cross-stitch his buttonholes, find his lost articles and operate on an occasional splinter. He won't to your letting television; reading or female chums interfere with those duties. His idea of a good wife and mother is quite simple: a woman who keeps at it almost constantly. Even the more liberal Aquarian husbands will frown on a glamorous gadabout. But you won't mind it too much. He's so full of interesting surprises himself you won't need soap operas, women's magazines and tete-a-tetes with girl friends to keep your mind and emotions challenged. (He may be about all the challenge you can take.) You can always catch up on the female gossip and such when he's engrossed in some new project and gets a little absent-minded about what you're doing. But just be sure to be there when he has a sore finger, because he can be a real sorehead when he's neglected.
Strangely, since he's so realistic about most things, the Aquarian will never forget his first love. (Not the first date, but the first girl who ever gave him a rainbow. There's a difference.) Uranians frequently marry childhood sweethearts years later, or cling to a faded illusion. An Aquarian can usually describe his first love in detail, which can be annoying to a wife. The solution is to be that first love. You may have to wait a long time to wear orange blossoms, but at least a ghost won’t replace you. Who else could turn peanuts into emeralds or vice versa, never mind a little grapefruit juice in the eye? Despite his general romantic clumsiness, he can come up with sudden phrases, which could only have been invented by the angels. He can forget your wedding anniversary, but he'll bring you violets in January. Christmas? Who says it has to be on December 25th? It can be any time you want it to be. He may go for days or weeks or months without a single word of romance or affection. Then some morning while you're slicing his blueberry pie, he'll look deep into your eyes and ask gently, "Do you know how beautiful you are?" There will be something about the way he says it that will make your knees weak.
Jingle bells on the seashore, birthdays at dawn. Valentine’s Day on Halloween, rainbows at midnight. Pin a red heart on an orange pumpkin, roll Easter eggs in the snow, light the candles on the cake on top of a Ferris wheel - you're in love with an Aquarian, didn't you know? I wish you a Frank Merriwell ending. But be careful. You can get lost out there in Wonderland.
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