See ya when I see ya...

Absolut x 3 Bottles.... Check

Dunhill x 2 Cartons.... Check

Nikon with 18~200.... Check

Believe that's all that I would be needing for the 7 day Kuari Pass Trek...

B'day wishes in advance to all those amazing people whose b'days I'd miss during this period... Have a rocking year 'n life ahead!

... 'n much thanks 'n apologies as 'n where applicable.
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

FAD... (via ~ Alok Manaktala on email)

The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the "Heroin Addiction Department (HAD)," the "Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)" and the "Bingo Addiction Department (BAD)." 

Then she spotted the department she was looking for: "Facebook Addiction Department (FAD)."
 
It was the busiest department in the clinic, with about three dozen people filling the waiting room, most of them staring blankly into their Blackberries and iPhones. 

A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering, "I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows."
A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands, while a curly-haired woman comforted him.

"Don't worry. It'll be all right."
 
"I just don't understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy, but none of my friends even clicked the 'like' button."
 
"How long has it been?"
 
"Almost five minutes. That's like five months in the real world."
 
The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called, then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu, Facebook Addiction Counselor.

"Please have a seat, Edna," he said with a warm smile. "And tell me how it all started."
 
"Well, it's all my grandson's fault. He sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me, because I usually have my face in a book."
 
"How soon were you hooked?"
 
"Faster than you can say 'create a profile.' I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day -- and more times at night. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night to check it, just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India. My husband didn't like that. He said that friendship is a precious thing and should never be outsourced."
 
"What do you like most about Facebook?"

"It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world, I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674. I'm even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya."
 
"Who's he?"
 
"I don't know, but he's got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous."
 
"Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see."
 
"Oh yes. I've even connected with some of the gals from high school -- I still call them 'gals.' I hadn't heard from some of them in ages, so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who's retired, who's still working, and who's had some work done. I love browsing their photos and reading their updates. I know where they've been on vacation, which movies they've watched, and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under. I've also been playing a game with some of them."

"Let me guess. Farmville?"
 
"No, Mafia Wars. I'm a Hitman. No one messes with Edna."

"Wouldn't you rather meet some of your friends in person?"
 
"No, not really. It's so much easier on Facebook. We don't need to gussy ourselves up. We don't need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash. That's the best thing about Facebook -- you can't smell anyone. Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic. One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken, I'm pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration."
 
"What pic are you using?"
 
"Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic, but couldn't find one I really liked. So I decided to visit the local beauty salon."

"To make yourself look prettier?"
 
"No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there. That's what I'm using."
 
"Didn't your friends notice that you look different?"
 
"Some of them did, but I just told them I've been doing lots of yoga."
 
"When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?"
 
"I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: 'I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.'"
 
"What did you do?"
 
"What else? I unfriended him of course!"
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

In a first, pacemaker fitted in brain helps cure OCD - The Times of India

In a rare first for Asia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) -- a medical condition that results in repetitive behaviour such as handwashing, counting, checking or cleaning -- has been treated with a pacemaker fitted in parts of the brain.

A team from VIMHANS in the capital has successfully implanted a pacemaker in the brain of an OCD patient, which has "significantly reduced her peculiarities in just two weeks time".

The team, including neurosurgeons Dr Alok Gupta and Dr Sanjeev Kumar and psychiatrist Dr Ashutosh Tripathi, used Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) to implant the pacemaker for sending electrical impulses to specific parts of the brain.

DBS, which has been used in select brain regions till now, has provided remarkable therapeutic benefits for disorders like such as Parkinson's and dystonia. However, it has been used for the first time to treat OCD.

" DBS involves precise stimulation of particular parts of the brain through the implantation of removable electrodes. Two electrodes have been wired to both sides of patient's brain (anterior limb of internal capsule) which communicate through the pacemaker, the battery of which has been put inside her chest. We can alter the function of any part of the brain by stimulating it. If stimulated with low frequency electrodes, the area starts to get excited. With high frequency, it blocks off the pathway and reduces symptoms. In her case, we used high frequency electrodes to block the pathway of the brain that was causing OCD," Dr Gupta explained.

The 48-year female patient had been suffering from OCD for the past 21 years.She had been living in constant fear of all kinds of touch, scared that any contact with her children or object would severely soil her hands.

Her condition had become so acute that she stopped eating or going to the toilet on her own. In fact, she would sit all day on the bed without touching anything, waiting for her children or husband to feed her or take her to the toilet.

To make matters worse, if she touched anything by mistake, she would wash it several times. Strangely, she would not turn off the tap even after using it.

"Two weeks since the implant, she has not just started eating on her own but is now completely independent," Dr Gupta added.

Though there are a number of medications and psychological therapies available to treat OCD, it is estimated that about 10% patients don't respond adequately to these first-line interventions.

"DBS is for those patients who don't respond to medication. Psychiatrists need to identify these patients before the brain pacemaker could be used. Besides, the price of this form of treatment is yet to be determined. DBS used for Parkinson's patients costs $8000 in India," Dr Gupta said.

DBS has several advantages over traditional brain surgery for OCD. It can be used to treat symptoms with little risk of permanent changes in the brain. The level of stimulation can be adjusted, and the stimulation can be used continuously or intermittently depending on the treatment plan.

Since the surgery is minimally invasive, it has a reduced potential for side effects.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/In-a-first-pacemaker-fitted-in-brain-helps-cure-OCD/articleshow/6555082.cms

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Masked Love...

... yeh judaa baat hai nahin pehchanta main yahan chehre pe lage chehro ko...

... par qayamat hogi agar bina baehroop ke koi aaye aur bole pehchana mujhe...

Emergency...

Me: It's an emergency with the heart 'n hope... heart was hit first, revive the heart now 'coz hope only started sinking on knowing that heart had been a casualty.

God: Sorry, can't do much for the heart, it's almost dead, will try to save the hope.

Me: No need, hope overheard ya say this 'n has died outta shock even before heart is dead.

God: R.I.P



Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Struggle of an Atheist...

... rehnuma ne kaha asli ibaadat hoti hai aankhen band kar yahan...

... badi shiddat se thokar khayi toh rahbar ne poocha andhaa hai kya...

... maybe a thing or two...

God: Do ya believe ya know more than me that ya always question my actions...

Me: Nah! not really... except maybe a thing or two...

God: Nonsense! I know everything!

Me: OK, do ya know what hurt is...

God: Who can hurt me, I am Almighty, the creator!

Me: But I know what hurt is...

God: Err...

Me: It hurt now, didn't it...


Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

... A painful death... 86400 times a day... apparently I live still... or is it a still life...

... aise bhi imtehaan hote hain intehaa ke yahan har lamhaa ab...

... zakhmon pe hasna padta hai; marham pe hoti hai aankhen namm...


Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

The majestic brilliance of butterfly in sunshine...

... kuch aisa mukammal jalaal tha, tere husn kamaal ka...

... ehsaas khanjar ke aagaaz ka, mujhe anjaam ke baad chala...



..... pehchani shaam ki anjaani sard hawa ne apni zidd mein zindagi ki kitaab ke panne udda diye... kuch panne dhoond laya, kuch nahi mile... yaad to sab hai unn panno pe kya likha tha... par kitaab hamesha ki liye adhuri reh gayi...

Aaina...

... ek muddat ke baad aaina dekha to jaise phir khud ko yeh ehsaas hua...

... adhuri tasweer mein rang bharne ki khataa to Khuda ne bhi nahin ki...

so this is as complete as it gets...

wonder though if now I am incompletely complete or completely incomplete...
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

I realise ... all that ya revealed...

... bey ilm hoon, par ehsaas hai ki hoon main yahan sayaano ke darmiyan...

... kahin yeh be-khudi na toot jaye, issi niyat se aaj shaam thodi aur pi hai...
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

kya fasaana... kya haqeeqat...

... sajde mein jiske tamaam umer bhi lagti thi kabhi kamm...

... uss Ilaahi ki ibaadat se ab maine tauba kar li hai...
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

I am what I am...

... am a walking manual of all that ya may wanna abhor...
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

The fatal luck...

Ya'r lucky if ya draw three aces in a game of flash...

Ya'r loki if that particular game is a variation round where the smallest combination wins...

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

... 'n this is what I've now become to be... an open wound with infinite pain...

... some hurts are like quicksand... the more I try to find my way out, the more it sucks me in... not much choice except to lay still till my journey's over...

Q & A...

... why am I an atheist isn't amongst the questions that I have for life; it is why was I ever a believer that I am seeking an answer to...

I want to find my way to ya'r memories; 'n lay there still...

.... I want my epitaph to read, “the credits may have rolled; but the story remains incomplete”...

... I no longer believe in love 'n soulmates yet I do appreciate the lessons learnt... Happy Teacher's Day to all who have given me invaluable lessons to take six feet under... am always 'n forever indebted...

... afsoos kyun ho mujhe agar meri ruswaayi mein tu shaamil hai...

... lazim hai yun to fareb bhi zindagi ki nasihat samajhne ke liye...

... trying to cover up a small hole by creating a humongous crater may seem to be like an impossible task for everyone else but not for me... apparently it helps that the hole is in my heart; 'n it's even more helpful that I am insane...

... saansien bhi nihayat besharam hai jaise meri tarah...

... judaa ho zindagi se yun be-kas chalti hai ab bevajeh...

... the emptiness 'n beyond...

... barbaad ishq mein andhe hone ka yakeenan hua yeh faayda...

... aaine mein apne aks ki viraani ab dekhni nahi padti...


------------------------------------------------------------------------------


... all my senses, including the sixth sense, are as lame as I am; I have to light up a cigarette to assess if the winds have changed directions...


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.. zikr mere sabr ka aaya mehfil mein
toh itminaan se sayaane bole...

... ruki zindagi ko thoda aur rokta hai
kaisa be-sabr deewana hai yeh...

Randomness...

... I want my epitaph to read ~ recalled over technical malfunction... was sans brains 'n 'en heart perished too...



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



... being careful of the thorns is mundane now... the real lesson of life lies in being wary of the roses...

... dard se bachna beshaq sikhaya tha kaanton ne...

... ranjish ki intehaa par phoolon ne samjhayee hai...


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


.... kuch barbaad hai yeh kambaqt dillaagi....

.... bekafan dafn hai apni hi taabuut mein....

.... sometimes in daze, I wonder if life somehow realizes that I am too numb now; 'n with every morrow, it reveals that life goes on, oblivious of anything 'n everything; probably it's too dumb anyhow....

.... akela viraan dekha jo maine ek sookha hua ziddi bargad....

.... ahsaas hua bahaar to hum dono ne dekhi thi ek saath....



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.... khuda se pehle ibaadat mein kabhi ek naam lete they mere labb....

.... kyun par purzor daarte hain Rabb ko bhi apna maanne mein woh ab....

.... kite runner lost in quest of a rainbow; kite, hues 'n the runner are all now torn....

.... atheism to faith 'n 'en to disbelief is a journey futile yet unending it remains on....






-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ironically... now even the irony of all that happened seems as empty as I am...

.... ek umer ke baad phir aaj qah qahe lagaye maine, jab uthaya paimaana....

.... ajnabi ki tanhaaai khatam kar khud khali tha, meri tarah woh bhi deewana....

someone said, "I can't pretend"... 'n she didn't... except for a whole relationship...

.... Ishq ka yeh manzar kyun dikhana zaroori tha tujhe....

.... Khuda se bekhauf; par ab saanson se haul hain mujhe....


************************************************************************


.... I stumbled 'n fell; echoing a silent cry of pain....

.... ought to get up, before I dream of walking again....

.... far from being par; am one who was dozen a dime...

.... lost in the haze, wasted as much I waste the time....

breaking news... nah... same 'ol shit...

.... khuda se lagi baazi ki taaza hai khabar yeh...

.... saansien jeet rahi hai; zindagi haar rahi hai....

the lame insanity...

am trying to delete a song...
but something's gone wrong...
plays in loop; system's gone rot...
more I run, the more I get caught...

Random... just like me...

.... seeking refuge in the calm of noise.... battling the clutter of silence.... completely incomplete or am I now incompletely complete...


.. it's craziness to stop believing people all around just 'coz of something someone did.. but I am insane; craziness 'n I are inseparable..


... the easiest way to judge me is sans facts... 'n perhaps that's also the only way.... (

Inane Query...

... Absolut queried, "why do ya passionately crave for me, are ya insane?"

I reasoned, "ya give me sanity"

Absolut smiled, "why don't ya realise that this sanity is momentary, is time barred, there isn't any sanity for ya which is forever; are ya dumb"

I confessed, "nah, had I been dumb, life would have been easy; I am numb 'n that's why it ain't easy"

@ mentions...

.... Ya'r Lucky if ya get an obituary....

.... Ya'r Loki if has only 1 word; "Goodbye"....

... limiting the infinite...

.... khali paimaane iss baat ke mukammal hai gavaah....

.... maikhaano se dushmani bhi dosto ki tarah nibhayi hai....

Cheers... wherever ya'r.... whoever ya were....

.... as I poured Absolut to a glass filled of ice, it struck me;

lovers melted in each other too, until a stranger struck me...

.... ya to deewana hanse ya woh, TU jise taufeeq de

warna iss duniya mein aake muskurata kaun hai....

... am so fucked up...

.... I am pathetic not 'coz I lost something that I never had.... but 'coz I am still unable to believe Goddesses could cheat too... (

.... a reflection that appeared surreal... actually was unreal...

.... jisse samjha tha ibaadat; woh shayad mere dimaag ka khalaa tha....

.... haatheli pe ghaav banna ke apni lakeerein badalne chala tha....

gaffe...

.... Dear God.... when I prayed to ya, “spin some more on a higher RPM”, I assumed ya were a DJ.... sorry, didn't know ya were a launderer.... I am dry 'n done now.... Cheers!....

... Repercussion...

... more than losing a lover, a best friend, a confidante, a soulmate, what disturbs me unending is that for the remaining crap of my life, I won't be trusting anyone now... I have lost the comfort of believing in par value... I have lost the ability to believe, per se... I have lost, per se...

a life too screwed...

.... the more I drink; the less drunk I get.... hopefully I'd be sans the hangover someday before I die..

yet the echo of "ya deserved it" is replaying in loop as much as the "I love ya" 'n "I can't imagine my life without ya" stuff ya loaded me....

pained awakening...

soya hi hua tha main yun bekhabar...

khawab tootne se dard hua, tab neend khuli...

kharaab hoon mukammal isliye zakhm bhi apne lagte hai...

theek ho gaya kahin; toh khud ko ajnabi bana lunga...

loved ya more than ya deserved...

... labalab bhar jaane pe jaam se bahar chalki sharaab toh samajh aaya...

... jaise maine kisi ek ajnabi pe uski intehaa se zyada aitbaar tha kiya...

Height of "oye Lucky; Loki oye"....

Ya'r lucky if a gal tells ya, "dil de diya hai , ab bill nahin dungi... "

Ya'r loki if ya get neither...

... the jerk who jerked got transformed into the fucker who got fucked...

an Absolut carefree shit with morals few

much as life fucked me, could fuck back too

'en I committed the cardinal mistake

gave more than I ever bothered to take

it ain't difficult to pin point the day I rue

when I trusted, "my life is incomplete without ya"

please don't ya ever fall for that crap

love is but another 4 letter word for a deceitful trap

it's sickeningly unbelievable that I am sinking; yet the reality isn't...

.... bikhri hai haqeeqat par nahin karta hoon gham....
.... aarzoo magar poori ho itni kamm se kamm....
.... gustakhi kar khuli aankhon se jo phir dekhun khawab....
.... uss gunah se pehle; aankhen ho band, nikle mera dum....

end of the beginning... or beginning of the end...

.... dhuan hue kuch pal zindagi ke to jaise aaya mujhe yaad....
.... kash maarna bhool gaya tha main, sutta jalane ke baad....
.... jitni baaki bachi hai, thoda dum bhar ke pee lunga....
.... jab tak pee raha hoon, mar lunga; khatam hogi to shayad jee lunga....


.... of all the dreams destiny made me lose to life....
.... some like easy puzzles; yet others were dilemma strife....
.... not all were important; neither was everything flimsy....
.... insanity lives; even if life is or isn't meant to be....

... until the day of reckoning...

.... boli zindagi, khuddaari se jee, kyun khudgarzo ke peeche marrta hai ....

.... mahashar ke roz, farebi sawaalo ka jawaab, khuda khud tay karta hai....

.... am hurt, but no longer bothered by what someone has done....

.... God knows surely, who lost fairly; 'n who deceptively won....

Koi kami nahi hai... Maa Badolat...

Prologue:

There aren't enough pages here or anywhere else to archive... but one can hazard a guess that the meanings got lost in translation... this is perhaps a subtle, but the only way to put it...

******************************************
******************************************

A lonely stretch... not a soul in sight, except the two of 'em at the accident spot...

A car, driven recklessly by a pretty young gal, had hit a reveler crossing the street, who admittedly was under the influence of Absolut. The reveler had been completely oblivious of the car coming his way since the street, after much deliberations in the past, had long been declared a permanent no-entry zone....

The scene was pretty gory... pretty 'n gory are an oxymoron but since everything else with the reveler has always been considered to be an oxymoron too, therefore the implication here isn't much ironical either...

The over speeding, out of control car had banged head on into the unsuspecting reveler. The resultant impact of which, the car had almost annihilated the reveler with both his arms getting absolutely mutilated under the wheels... not to add that since the reveler was known by all to carry his heart up the sleeve, the heart too got crushed in the impact... but that's the inane part... at the moment the story is about the mutilated arms and no other triviality...

The reveler was down in anguish... at a first look from far distant, certainly it would have appeared to the onlookers that the injured is dead or surely paralyzed... but as told earlier, there wasn't another soul in sight... a closer look revealed that apparently the reveler was yet alive as he writhed in pain... the writhing was the only known sign of life as the heart had been crushed too... sorry, my bad, still deviating to the inanes...

The gal, without bothering to get out of car, simply rolled down the window a bit and yelled, “Stop the cry of anguish, will ya... what is wrong with ya... ya'r alive 'n still have ya'r legs. That is more important than anything else...”

The reveler cried aloud in pain, “why did ya now drive down this street when it had already been declared safe for walking?”

The gal thought 'n said, “This is a short cut, I have to travel miles, ya see... in any case, no assurances last forever... now don't obstruct, get moving, will ya!”

The reveler was numbed, both by the infliction 'n the sheer callousness, “I am almost a vegetable... am disabled, will need time 'n care to get up”

This infuriated the gal, “I know ya'r doing this only to get trillion sympathies... is it going to solve ya'r problem... look at me, I am hurt too, am I crying... nah, I have to go miles with the smiles... Get a life, will ya”

Still smarting from the pain, the bemused reveler queried, “I am sorry, I didn't know ya got injured too, are ya ok?”

The gal calmly reverted, “no dumbass, I didn't suffer even a scratch, but look at the dent on the bonnet, my heart cries to see that mark on the impeccable sheen... I know ya bastard won't move anytime soon so I'll just reverse my car 'n take off... goodbye... 'n goodbye doesn't means farewell, if ever I see ya on this road again, I'll come back unannounced 'n kill ya for sure.... Loser!!!”

************************************************************************************

Epilogue:

The gal later was much relieved to find out that the car, despite the mess, emerged scratch less, the dent was only an iota of dirt, which the service station people were too happy to wash off for her... in gratitude, the gal prayed to God, “For a moment, I was shaken fearing the dent would ruin the beauty of my car... but thanks, the car is just like new... I'd come to temple all the subsequent tuesdays if ya will take care of my car, let it be immortal, unlike the jerk I had crushed”

The reveler walks now, 'coz walking is all he knows... but sans hands, is unable to work, to eat, to do anything.... except for walking like a dead man, a zombie... shocked 'n scared of another mishap, he now refuses to go down any street, any road, any path...

no balls, no guts; how does then a cheat handle the heat...

ya'r no butterfly in sunshine; why in love was I an insane dirt

I got ya happiness; ya slyly inflicted me the hurt

I kept my word, not swear; yet ya cheated in a way too curt

stabbed me; left no trail, now ya wanna walk the miles

I'd be sans the laughter; wickedly but ya hold on to smiles

Superman won't fly ever; if he knew Krypton was planet of lies

Who wants to be a Zillionaire...

Welcome to “Who wants to be a Zillionaire”; answer correctly the 15 questions 'n stay the winner for life....

Question 1: Were ya 'n I aware who we were 'n where we were without any pretensions whatsoever right from the beginning?

Answer 1: No

Question 2: Did I tell ya time 'n again, sometimes several times every second, how crazily I loved ya?

Answer 2: No

Question 3: Did ya assure me time 'n again, verbally 'n in writing, not to mention thru ya'r caressing touch 'n the glint of ya'r eyes, how much ya loved me too?

Answer 3: No

Question 4: Did ya 'n I ever tell each other that we are the perfect soulmates despite the obvious differences... something that we celebrated every moment but which was incomprehensible to everyone around us?

Answer 4: No

Question 5: Did ya ever tell me ya wanted to spend as much time with me as possible every day 'coz that is the best part of ya'r day?

Answer 5: No

Question 6: Did I sometimes endlessly waited over hours 'n days only to spend few minutes with ya believing each moment with ya was worth a lifetime?

Answer 6: No

Question 7: Did I allow ya to the innermost core of my heart where I won't allow anyone else ever again?

Answer 7: No

Question 8: Did ya confide in me ya'r deepest 'n darkest secrets which no-one else was aware of 'n none will ever be?

Answer 8: No

Question 9: Did I ever care for ya in health 'n sickness, in highs 'n lows, doing all that I could?

Answer 9: No

Question 10: Were ya ever worried that I was famished 'n ya made sure I ate something that ya had cooked especially for me?

Answer 10: No

Question 11: Were we comfortable sharing our food, our feelings, our desires, our dreams, our joys, our sorrows, our time, our honesty, our lies?

Answer 11: No

Question 12: Were ya 'n I able to intimately bare to each other, both the soul 'n the body, without any veil or dilemma?

Answer 12: No

Question 13: Did ya 'n I ever commit to each other sans any written agreement, 'coz promises could well go bust but the word of honor was meant to last always 'n forever?

Answer 13: No

Question 14: If the answers to all the above questions is a confirmed No, does it indicate we were in love 'n beyond?

Answer 14: No

Question 15: If the answers to all the above questions is an emphatic YES, does it confirm we were in love 'n beyond?

Answer 15: Yes... I mean No...

Question 16: Sorry, what?

Answer 16: See, for all ya know, ya may have well been hallucinating all along.... err... wait a minute, on second thoughts, I have a more plausible answer... ya don't have a mind 'n I do, whole world knows ya'r a self confessed insane... 'n ya have the heart 'n I don't, did I not confess it to ya the other day... so what's the big deal... I can change my mind 'n ya can change ya'r heart...

Question 17: How on earth will I ever change my heart?

Answer 17: I don't care... I am only playing this game 'n ya don't own me... I don't owe ya any further answers 'coz the 15 questions are over 'n done with... now apologize for wasting my time 'n scoot, I have work to do...

******************************************

Disclaimer: “Who wants to be a Zillionaire” is an absolutely fictitious game just like love, soulmates 'n other similar shit is... All those who have wasted precious time reading this, please stop wasting ya'r life... Get a life on ya'r own, no-one is ever gonna make ya a Zillionaire...

******************************************

Oye Lucky... Loki Oye...

.... ya'r lucky if ya have the switch to love 'n un-love....

.... ya'r loki if ya'r at the receiving end of that switch....

.... kaha tha tumne zindagi ke iss mod pe dur jaate ho kyun...
.... badle hai kya riwaaz jo tum chhorte ho mera haath....

.... bewafai par kamzor nikli hai tere pyaar ki tarah yun....
.... kambaqt saansein ab bhi wafaa se de rahi hai mera saath...

planned assault...

.... ya'r lucky if ya have noises in ya'r brain known as introspection....

.... ya'r loki if ya have noises in ya'r heart known as heartbeats...

.... itni khamoshi se kiya hai mere qatl ka iraada rehnuma ne....

.... ab dil ka dhadakna bhi lagta mujhe beganaa shor hai....

ain't no sunshine.... 'coz it wasn't a sunshine...

.... yun laga jaise unchi imaaraten
mere hisse ka suraj kha gayi....

.... hosh aaya to jaana andhere ne
pyaar mein andha tha kiya....

.... from Dudda to Dud.... no reasons... but a sorry is suffice...

... don't look for a soulmate... don't believe when someone says that ya'r one... it is just a poetic myth, a folklore, a fantasy.... affection to affliction is an inevitable avoidable journey... don't let the words, touch 'n eyes fool ya into the trap of immortal love or any such shit... unbelievable as it may still be, the irreplaceable invaluable can abysmally crash lower to the value of dime a dozen dud...

... bhar gaya agar to nishaan badsurat dikhega....
.... issi khayaal ke sadke zakhm ko noche jaa raha hoon main....

... chehre parh ke samajhne ki koshish yahan bekaar hai...
... mehsoos kiya yeh maine shabdo ke maayne badalne ke baad...

like a phoenix, I'd rise from the ashes.... but until 'en, it is my destiny to burn...

.... khawabon ki khaak ko sambhala jo maine dil mein uss shaam....

.... katil ko fikr hui mere gard haath daaman uss ka mailla na kar de....

Abused....

... “always 'n forever” is the second most abused phrase after “I love ya”.... everyone uses it everywhere without bothering to comprehend it even once...

A friend.... sorry, my bad... A stranger...

.... a stranger could well be the friend that ya haven't met as yet.... but a friend is surely a stranger that ya haven't realised as yet.... for whatever the fuck it is worth, have a happy friendship day / stranger day, as applicable.... take care....

Irony... or Poetic Justice...

.... kuch ajab yeh bekasii hai dil ke marne ke baad....

.... logg nabz meri dekh ke batate hai zinda ho abhi....

the part of me which could trust people has perished... I am dead, per se...

... over the last 37 years, the comfort in believing people on their face value was my zenith.... for the remaining life, the inability to trust anyone will prove to be my waterloo... not in a distant past, was told by someone that a part of her which had stopped believing people revived when I walked in... ironic 'en that my ability to trust people succumbed in the very same hands....

the cardinal sin...

.... bekaar darrta tha main, ghayal na kar de koi tezaab....

.... teri dawaa ka asar hai , ab mukammal hoon main barbaad...

how do i hurt ya my goddess... didn't ever... won't forever...

... shocked by the sanity of unsurpassed holier than all aura, the insanity is indeed smarting from the deceit, maybe it forever will the remaining life... won't get even; precisely why I remain the odd one out... no-one knows that the halo is hollow... the hurt is going to annihilate me for sure but yet I pray to absolve ya... always having wished the world for ya, I am unable to crash it by an act of vengeance...

I'll see ya at 7.... Muuaaaaaaah

rangeen hoti thi jahan har shaam saath...
guzra wahan se aaj thodi aur chott khane...

nahi maalum zyada kya chubha...
zarraa hue mere khawab ya farebi tere vaayde sayane...

will ya shed a tear or two when i die... or will that be too much to ask from a stranger...

God: accept the change or else will decimate ya..

Me: please decimate..

God: ya didn't get it, do ya wanna get eliminated or do ya accept the metamorphosis..

Me: please eliminate..

God: I changed the question!

Me: no, ya didn't.. even if ya did, am unable to change my answer..

God: why?

Me: I promised once that will die but won't change.. so be it..

Lame...

God: gimme a 4 letter synonym for lame?

Me: hope..

God (laughing): with all my manipulated play, was hoping ya to say love..

Me: yup, love too, but I betrayed ya'r hope as ya did mine..

God (angrily): I don't care!

Me: am aware ya don't, or else care too wouldn't have been another synonym; do ya know a 3 letter synonym for lame?

God: nah..

Me: God...

the final countdown...

.... too much introspection leads to annihilation.... so I am pretty much on my way....

shayad...

.... shayad meri raggo mein behti sharaab mein thoda khoon abhi baaki hai...

.... issi liye marne ke baad bhi marne ka janoon abhi baaki hai...

my wish list to God ji...

.... unsuccessful in finding the book called, "love to un-love; made simple".... get me a copy, will ya....

Rush....

.... don't wait for life to screw ya later.... trust someone with ya'r life now 'n get screwed sooner....

The selective truth...

a random request to come 'n share...
meeting of strangers, beginning to care...
the two oddities, yet one fine pair...
was it the truth, sure it was...

friends transforming into lovers one day...
the lovers become buddies to stay...
promises aplenty, vowing not to slay...
was it the truth, sure it was...

enjoying the tea, sharing the heart...
watching the movies, going to mart...
two lonely portions, becoming one part...
was it the truth, sure it was...

aware of troth yet kissing with dare...
intimacy grew, two equally keen player...
playing of souls, bodies going all bare...
was it the truth, sure it was...

saying too often, bonding is the reason...
always 'n forever, not just for a season...
yet revealing an unforeseen treason...
was it the truth, sure it was...

on every crack, smothering with a cry...
on every deceit, an answer too sly...
a ray of sunshine, really but a dark sky...
was it a truth, sure it was...

gaffe to believe mirror lies in a glass...
honor amongst thieves is now a pass...
the eternal love shredded to crass...
is it a truth, if no-one knows... sure it is...

the buddy that i knew... the stranger that ya were....

... ya feared I had zillion zones...
... I said maybe, but never for ya...
... assured me ya weren't a mask...
... 'n I trusted, like in love one would do...
... ya stabbed me in the head...
... ya stabbed me in the tail...
... ya stabbed me as I went pale...
... but ya go fly high all ya want...
... I won't disclose the cheater's tale... 

soulmates... always 'n forever...

... umar bhar ke zakhm bardaasht karke bhi main kuch sard tha.... tune marham laga ke nashtar chubhoya, toh mujhe dard hua....

ya were right dudette... ya didn't know if ya could still call it a love note...

.... ya'r lucky if ya get a love note.... ya'r loki if ya get it only for proof reading.... 

Dudda... R.I.P.

.... I want my epitaph to read.... “expired; serves him right, the ass didn't believe in expiry dates.... ”

woh ....

... woh aitbaar hi kya jo pal mein tasavvur phor de...
... woh pyaar hi kya jo mazboot ehsaas ko tod de...
... woh shamma hi kya jo roshan ho apne liye...
... woh parwaana hi kya jo jeene ke liye marna chod de...

Farewell to Kabhi Alvidaa Na Kehna...

.... when someone walks into the life, but rather than staying there for the life or even for a reason, plays out only for a season, it's better to accept the change of the season rather than aching to find out the reason over the remaining life....

masks all around...

... It was agony when a favorite mirror in which I forever found my reflection got shattered... but it was catastrophic to find out that it wasn't a mirror but just another glass 'n all along I had been seeing a stranger...


..... pehchani shaam ki anjaani sard hawa ne apni zidd mein zindagi ki kitaab ke panne udda diye... kuch panne dhoond laya, kuch nahi mile... yaad to sab hai unn panno pe kya likha tha... par kitaab hamesha ki liye adhuri reh gayi...

amazinglustlusciousness

.... nahi hoti hai hairat jab mausam ki tarah badalte hai log....

.... hairaan to tab hua jab khuda ko bhi dekha yahan maine badalte....


‎​can the half truth be any honest than a full lie...
marring mercilessly, always 'n forever what meant to be alive...
can selective rightness be any higher than an open deceit...
acting holier than all, but are just another masked cheat...

.... stark reality...

.... war is sometimes preferable than love.... not an iota of a chance someone could be faking in the war....

Realisation... Revelation...

L: Loathsome...
O: Obnoxious...
K: Knucklehead...
E: Eccentric...
S: Senseless...
H: Harrowing...

insaaf...

... tum peeth pe karo waar, phir kyun lagta mujhe kamm hai...

... maine ufff kar di agar, tum ko lagta magar yeh bhi sitam hai...

I like ya'r game but we have to change the rules now...

... enough has been discussed about the broken dreams, unfulfilled promises, lies, 'n deceit... let's play nightmares, shall we... the bigger picture in playing nightmares is that no-one would ever crib over a shattered nightmare.... 

.... silent screams.....

.. from an evening too mad, miles I have walked sans a song..

lonely 'n forsaken, but with a smile all along..

nothing ya said 'en made any sense..

oh ya were clear, there was no pretense..

destiny probably had a mind too wicked..

a joke where all but my humor was tricked..

am blind now, aware of a lost dream..

silent forever but the ashes scream..

dard hi dawaa hai...

.... insanely enough, on breaching the threshold of pain, the heartache of love itself becomes the sole path of salvation...

naseeb-e-jannat ke liye laazim hai fanaa hona.... dawaa bann ne ke liye zaroori hai dard ka toofan hona...

conversation with God ji...

...God ji said, “won't give ya a rainbow”

'n I said, “no worries, I'd make my own”...

... God ji said, “unlikely ya can create a perfect vibgyor”

'n I replied, “no worries, I'll manage with my imperfect grays”...

...God ji thundered, “I will take that away midway”

'n I said, “no worries, will try, will die but forever won't let it go”...

...God ji said, “ya'r insane”

'n I said, “now that's ya'r worry, not mine”...

love or defiance...

... an audacious broken ray resolves to defy the eternal sunshine.... heart 'n soul are immovable, always 'n forever shall remain mine.... 

I am what i am ...

.... am incorrigible as much by design as much as I am by choice.... 

let me not be one of those... who came a dozen a dime...

.... I am cheap.... I come dime a dozen.... but where would ya find one twelfth of a dime 'coz there aren't another 11 jerks like me....

tell me something....

.... everything's fair in love 'n war.... not a realization, nor is it a revelation.... but I do need to know if it's love or if it's war....

Face off...

... undoubtedly destiny can weave a web... but equally web can loop the destiny too... 'n that in all honesty is not a fabricated true lie...

Que Sera Sera...

.... anjaan hoon apne mustaqbil se, na malum anjaam kya hoga.... par jaanta hoon meri har saans rahegi ghulam teri, mujh se azaad hone tak....

.... losing my way amongst the puzzle of the things that are meant to be 'n those that aren't meant to be, I realise that ya'd be my Goddess, always 'n forever....

Goddess...

.... like a parched land devoid of the rains, I was never meant to witness a rainbow.... like a miracle ya came, 'n now I believe, in the desert, someday a river will flow....

... har pal ki dastaan...

.... hairaan hoon jannat ke fasaane kaise bayaan kar lete hai kuch log yahan....
kya suna di hai tune unko, tere pehlu mein beete, mere har pal ki daastan....

fursat...

... fursat na mili tujhe chahne se.... varna aarzoo to bahut thi awaargi ki...

fursat...

... fursat na mili tujhe chahne se.... varna aarzoo to bahut thi awaargi ki...

zikr...

haan sach hai, sabne sune hain iss mehfil mein charche dard ke... kuch aankhen bayaan kar gayi, kuch khamoshi ne ki hai baatein...

salvation....

deewane ko lagti hai jannat tujh mein shumaar...
har dua tu, hai tu hi parawar-digaar....
parwane ki bismillah hai shama mein....
kya faraq, agar mitt jaon main har baar....

the faith I live, ya'r my prayer too sane...
waning but finding salvation in the pain...
like a moth blessedly attracted to the flame....
die it will, alive but shall the dream remain...

Ishq...

.... bepanaah teri chahat mein jo manzar jannat ka hai naseeb hua.... ab aaqabat mein uss se, Khuda bhi kahan behtar mukaam dega....

... Twain...

.... I live as much in the dreams as much as God ji wants me to live in the reality.... so be it... for now, am maintaining the status quo between God ji 'n the incorrigible... but I absolutely intend to make the twains meet far too often that one day even God ji falters in distinguishing between the two...

... to keep a woman happy...

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy. One is to take her shopping. The rest is 69.... whoa... by that yardstick, I am a woman too... oops

ek shaam...

.... chahat teri panaah ki, yun ek shaam toofan aaya...

.... aarzu ab fanaa ki , toofan woh bhi na mukaam laya..

Toto...

.... fakat itna hi zikr tere husn ka hai mukammal.... Khuda bhi khud ko daad deta hai tujhe banane ke baad....

love ya my eternal sunshine....

doobta hoon teri aankhon ki gehraiyon mein main iss kadar....
tere alawa bhi hai koi Khuda, nahi jaanta, main hoon bekhabar....

I wish to savor every rise 'n dawn thru ya'r eyes....
ya'r the only God I believe, an atheist couldn't live otherwise....

... jannat...

.... khuda ne jab jannat banane ki aarzoo ki hogi....
.....yakeenan tera chehra uska sabab rahi hogi....

Insanity...

.... It's insane to let someone be ya'r dictionary when ya'r just a thesaurus to 'em.... on a separate note, I am an ISO 9002 certified insanity....

qayamat...

.... saath nibhane ke iqraar ko dafan kiya tune to gham nahin.... marne pe mere, agar kafan dene se inkaar kiya to bahut qayamat hogi....

Rabb...

zaaya parvaana samjho ya kaho gul-shudaa...
saudaii nahin, hoon main deewana juda...
mausam ki tarah badalte hai sayaane mazhab...
kaafir hoon iss liye nahin badal pata apna khuda...

khafaa khuda...

.... nahi janoon se anjaan, khafaa hai par ibaadat se meri.... uss se pehle naam tera leta hoon, yeh haar Khuda ko naagavaar hai...

tere bin...

.... mehsoos hota hai har hajoom ek sannaata bin tere.... dil ka khamosh dhadakna bhi ab lagta mujhe shor hai....

Love ya.... more than ya want me to.... more than i should....

I wish ya a life full of eternal hues, that ya lend some for the rainbow...
I wish ya always fly up so high, decimating the Everest peaks of snow...

I wish ya be blessed of ceaseless joy, sans ever a tear, laughters but infinite...
I wish ya an immeasurable glow in life, sunshine pales, never but ya so bright...

I wish ya get all that ya want, all that ya desire, everything that ya seek...
I wish ya success of permanent grant, nothing to obstruct, an incline safe 'n steep...

I wish ya stay the winner in life, never ever ya lose, enormously ya gain...
I wish ya never ever face a strife, always too happy, never an iota of pain...

I wish ya have surpluses for charity, appreciating the value, never the price...
I wish for ya the eternity, may ya forever be in a paradise...

I wish ya be a synonym of bliss, the only blessings that I send...
I wish ya my Goddess, have nothing amiss, I'd rise from ashes, if ya ever need a friend...

Love ya.... more than ya want me to... more than I should...

Love ya still... or was it a still love....

I still travel back to the immortal times which no longer are...

I still believe the three immortal words that went below par...

I still trust ya'r promise which died without trying, unwilling to go far...

I still believe in ya'r sunshine although dusk is all that seeps in my life ajar...

I still hope, yet aware that hope perished first, didn't wait till the end...

I still believe in destiny, despite it weaving an unsolicited bend...

I still believe the azure is blue, no longer but more than me...

I still believe deserts could cultivate one day, but I won't be there to see...

I still believe in love for it was meant to be always 'n forever ...

I still believe ya loved me when ya said ya did, or did ya never...

An answer I guess wouldn't ever know...
until I meet God six feet under whenever I go...

comprehensively incomprehensible...

I comprehend we knew it right from the start...
our union had no logic, but it had all the heart...
what I don't is how to put an end...
to a moment, a day, when I don't hold ya'r hand...

I comprehend that am a moth attracted to the flame...
will fight with my Almighty, can die but can't be tame...
what I don't is why my surreal wish destiny couldn't share...
why I crave for love, when ya gave me plenty care...

I comprehend that I dream 'coz am still not dead...
parched eyes now although veins didn't bled...
what I don't is why am a dead soul yet I walk...
a vagabond spirit, maybe that's why, ya I stalk...

I comprehend that I ain't ya'r book, but just a torn page...
realisation is frustrating but have no rage...
what I don't is if we have different path, separate door...
why 'en incorrigible I, still want to look for something more...

I comprehend that maybe I am an uncovered tear...
but dime a dozen not, only for ya I fear...
what I don't is why 'en ya find me selfish...
if all I ever wanted was a glimpse of ya'r bliss...

I comprehend am insane, insanely putting a quantum on love...
fly sky high my love, never be a caged dove...
what I don't is how I go on when ya won't be there...
have nowhere to hide, my masked soul is bare...

I comprehend we aren't ever meant to be...
ya'r my goddess 'n I am ya'r barren tree...
what I don't is if ya want me or maybe not...
love to wish, wish to love but shall remain my final cot...

I comprehend have no future, there's no morrow...
ya'r my eternal star 'n all I reverted was bag full of sorrow...
what I don't is why there's a sky without ya or land...
God bless ya heaven, 'n hell forever be where I stand...

Amen!

surreal desires...

wish I had the power to make ya mine...
goddess, forever ya'r the eternal sunshine...

wish I had the power to freeze the time...
ya'r the venus, ya'r the beauty sublime...

wish I had the power to join the joyride...
only ya can soothe my life's rough tide...

wish I had the power to conquer the seas...
God granting me ya, no more unheeded pleas...

wish I had the power to tame the peak...
ya'r my solitary ray in a life too bleak...

wish I had the power to find something true...
never ever fading, ya'r the rainbow with all perfect hue...

wish I had the power to be ya'r worth...
ya complete me, 'n 'en nothing is dearth...

wish I had the power to run high in sky...
ya showed me hope 'n now lame me can fly...

wish I had the power to be sane on the brink...
ya, my elixir of life, I really wanna drink...

wish I had the power to mold the impending...
promising ya my love with commitment unending...

wish I had the power to outrun the fate...
life would be a true bliss, if ya were my mate...

wish I had the power to gain the paradise...
nothing compares to ya, nothing else is suffice...

wish I had the power to pray 'n make it real...
our love is forever, wishes are but only surreal...

Economics...

It is the month of August on the shores of the Black Sea. It is
raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough
times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.



Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays
a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the
rooms upstairs in order to choose one.



The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt
to the butcher.



The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig
grower.



The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to
the supplier of his feed and fuel.



The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay
his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her
"services" on credit.



The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro
note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when
she brought her clients there.



The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter
so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.



At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and
takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the
rooms, and leaves the town.



No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt,
and looks to the future with a lot of optimism...







And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States is doing
business today :-)

A prayer from the heart...

ya'r my sight, ya'r my sense...
unwavering love 'n no pretense...
'n ya my goddess shall have it all...
I'd be ya'r cushion if, God forbid, ya fall...

our love is a melody, perfect in rhyme...
the blissful joy, treasured forever prime...
the hours with ya fly like a moment...
'n a moment with ya is worth a lifetime...

my love, ya deserve all, the eternity...
ya'r an angel ensuing me the sanity...
heaven without ya will be just a trace...
Almighty I see, beaming in ya'r face...

wish time freezes when am with ya...
'n praying it flies, the time ya'r away...
ya'r the the soulmate I always searched...
why 'en destiny twisted an irony, I say...

without ya, am like a dead man walking...
making no sense, every day is a flogging...
like a bird in a cage, struggling to flee...
surely all next lifetimes, we're meant to be...

Amen!

Immortal Love...

I wasn't convinced the rainbow was real...
until I saw it alive in ya'r beautiful smile...

I wasn't convinced I had a destination...
until ya held my hand 'n walked a mile...

I wasn't convinced that the earth moved...
until I savored the infinite joys in ya'r eyes...

I wasn't convinced the peaks were high...
until I dreamt too ya'r vision so wise...

I wasn't convinced the seas were deep...
until the crushing pain I felt when I saw ya cry...

I wasn't convinced the deserts would cultivate...
until ya made me resolute to live 'n try...

I wasn't convinced the skies were blue...
until ya granted me the wings to fly...

I wasn't convinced the dusk was dawning...
until ya gave me hope for the brighter sky...

I wasn't convinced if truly there was a heaven...
until ya filled the vacuum with all ya could give...

I wasn't convinced there was a viable God...
until ya came in my life 'n made me live...

Love ya more than ya thought I could... Love ya more than I thought I could...

wanting a slice of sky...

lost my emotions, ya tossed to grind...
now dump my heart too, outta ya'r mind...

yes no way, I can dare tame the gale...
everything I do, but still remains so pale...

am I a pawn pausing for ya'r next move...
humming ya'r tune, dancing to ya'r groove...

the promises, but then ya revert to same...
'coz ya rule sunshine, 'coz it's ya'r game...

why can't I be like ya, a distant refrain...
why is my crescent doomed for the constant pain...

mortally waiting for the immortal rain...
cold winters insure I forever remain insane...

am dying, waiting for the reassuring touch...
a desire my destiny finds a bit too much...

loving ya, wanting ya to live my dream...
but maybe I am fated to run outta steam...

goddess, ya'r forever the prayer I pray...
why then, my love loses way, 'n goes astray...

apparently I breathe, yet the life is mar...
running against time, running after my star...

Love ya more than ya thought I could... Love ya more than I thought I could...

an unending gratitude for an unparalleled attitude...

on a road less travelled, largely unknown...
losing way too often, am much too prone...

a miracle nonetheless for the parched land...
not a drop of water, endless miles of sand...

Almighty will, a blooming rose in the middle of a desert...
although nature is, it comes with the thorns imbibed to hurt...

is it really a half glass empty or a half glass full...
try as much, impossible it is, to milk a bull...

those who mattered 'n those who never made the cut...
not now a puzzle, absolutely clear as a rut...

endless pain when sweetness leaves a sour taste...
a lesson learnt hard is but never gone to waste...

apparently it's too little to gain, too much a pain...
yet abnormally, I long too, to be normal again...

an apology to the life for an apology of a life...

the sun in dusk, in search of another day...
ironically still am a lost soul, a lovelorn bay...

a free spin, 'n blue sky is changing hue to gray...
dry parched sea, on a pyre a lifeless body lay...

no merit I find, but ya must have had ya'r reason...
was it ya, or was it the heartless fate plotting the treason...

a shattered broken ray of what seemed like a sunshine...
not my soul, not even heart, can't claim to have anything mine...

was I forever meant to be another needle in the sack of hay...
not what I want, what I pray, submissive to the games ya play...

no mercy, can't claim to own a slice of the heaven shown...
the hell thankfully, can nevertheless claim to be my own...

insanely breaching limit, fast love needlessly going brash...
go find ya'r importance, don't bother, am just a trash...

ya'r right, ya'r the light, 'n infinite I am the dark...
couldn't bite, couldn't fight, crazily continued to bark...

walking 'n falling down a happy rainbow mirage...
no choice, am forsaking life to the contrasting page...

uncaring covers of coldness exposing me numb...
ya didn't push, careless I was, just a sucking dumb...

nothing to feed, an empty vessel of love to find...
a beautiful implausible game, an unrelated uncaring mind...

I am a blind atheist losing his way to pray...
only but me to blame, am ready, go ahead 'n slay...

deaf oh Almighty, are ya, why I wasn't heard...
don't comprehend why sorry is, but an another five letter word...

listening the unsaid... ignoring the voices...

stark truth, the life finds us a trifling...
summers of love are way too chilling...
an unwilling chicken submits to culling...
never meant to be is the answer of mulling...

why pretend when souls aren't together...
ya'r life, my goddess, is in a different feather...
nothing I'd do could ever change the weather...
timeless time but now ashes left to gather...

among options was I just another one...
am stuck however hard I wanna run...
thought it was serious but seriously fun...
ya my last, 'n I'm ya'r first thing to shun...

beautifully sordid but a shattered romance...
am infinitely sorry to be the hindrance...
wasn't thinking, just loving every chance...
almighty but never planned for this dance...

hearing things that were never said...
ignoring voices trying hard to be fed...
feeling secure tied to the broken thread...
joys shredded, umpteen tears to be shed...

sands of time were always mounting...
blissful memories, now will be too haunting...
heart mourns silently why my brain is shouting...
can't calculate but this is the final counting...

lost in interpretation...

impossibly immature is forever puerile...
chaotic compulsions making life sterile...
travelled far, yet another infinite mile...
simulating enthusiasm for a journey futile...

tied arms, chopped wings unable to fly...
go down deeper 'n never dare go high...
isolate the life, don't dream for sky...
sadistic laughter overpowering the cry...

a failed connection, a mirror of dour...
fake sweet taking detour to go sour...
sanity but near, peace yet still far...
gloom living nine lives, no way to mar...

an irresolute or am a dumb numb brave...
naively blessed or is it a fragile pave...
living in heaven or am under the grave...
not what I prayed but what Almighty gave...

moment of truth...

I feel ya, I see ya all around me baby...
ya are my world, ya are the eternity...

I see ya in the droplets of rain
raising life on the parched land again...

I see ya in the brightness of sun
erasing darkness as if it never begun...

I see ya in the blooming of flower
spreading fragrant filled hue every hour...

I see ya in the fulfilling grains of maize
calming sanity for overtly frenzied craze...

I see ya in the mighty waves of sea
washing away sadness, imprinting glee...

I see ya in the towering of zenith
forever ya'r truth overlapping my myth...

I see ya in the blowing cool wind serene
healing the needy, pain easing to wane...

I see ya in people I interact then 'n now
ya'r my religion, ya'r my sacred cow...

I see ya in the pages, feeding info I read
ya'r my luscious lusting, ya'r my need...

I see ya in the dreams that I weave
bonded forever, please never leave...

God, grant me Goddess... Amen!

losing my soul...

a game I play or is it a prayer I pray...
who's to judge me, who's to say...

treading the thin crust of love 'n lust...
what's not important, 'n what's must...

who's to decide 'n who's to lead...
enough ain't enough, surely my greed...

the luck that bonded us, is now biting...
a stiffening embrace no longer enticing...

thinking alike yet we also think apart...
insane cravings but is a slice of my heart...

probably the last ya'd see of the nymph...
I lose, hopefully ya'd always triumph...

lusting yet loving galore, nibbling even more silly...
go fly higher, tonite is right to part ways amicably...

show no mercy, am going against ya'r flow...
please move on, guess it's time to let go...

have an awesome life princess... farewell... grant me mess...

Grant me... Deny me...

love for thought 'n thought for love,
then why my soul craves for more...
hard for time ain't ever a rhyme,
ya'r priority is unambiguously sure...
not the one who insanely loves ya,
but always the man ya love galore...
pray, no worry, if ya love me less,
'n ignore about, if I love ya pure...
but fatal are indifference whims,
wish I knew the illness, the cure...

want to know the way to go,
detached, tell me ya do it how...
knees still go trembling at ya'r sight,
yesterday, tomorrow 'n now...
my love goddess, am another fan,
abhor me but ya'r my sacred cow...
a rainbow of hues yet bound to falter,
the indifference streak 'n lack of plow...
just allow me to go if ya don't love,
I'd graciously bid farewell 'n take a bow...

Irony...

the things ya do, the words ya say...
revive the spring in my lifeless may...
overlapping dusk with a bright new day...
my motionless soul jumps back to play...

ya bring me joy, ya bring me bliss...
lame would be life, when I'll miss...
eternity I find, whenever we kiss...
ya filled the vacuum, now nothing's amiss...

ya give me vision, ya make me sane...
nothing to lose 'n everything to gain...
ya'r smile manages to erase all pain...
a blistering desert getting immortal rain...

ya'r the rainbow with an immaculate hue...
a whiff of fresh air 'n all miseries flew...
grew slowly 'n steadily, our love subtly brew...
forever together in pain 'n gain, trust is the glue...

ya'r awesome, ya'r an absolute delight...
ya'r my sanity, my love ya'r my sight...
ya 'n I together are harmony right...
yet destiny still did keep an irony slight...

I pray...

amazingly is how ya'r able to convey...
inadequate is the matter of my gray...
it ain't about what ya did or didn't say...
ya'r always my sunshine 'n all I pray...

wish ya'r joys own the heaven 'n sky...
not outta ya'r life, never escaping to fly...
ain't just love, now a distance to try...
maybe 'en ya'r able to suss why I cry...

ya live merrily 'n succeed beyond all...
is forever my will, always my call...
reach higher skies, no stopping to fall...
but be cautious, for it's only ya I have all...

ya'r my prayer, won't want anyone to mess...
don't follow ya'r dreams, did I ever press...
my worst nightmare isn't hard to guess...
days are bright, but dusk can be ruthless...

sharing happiness is a part of the gear...
going apart doesn't mean won't be near...
my apprehensions are for ya to lear...
please also live the frights I fear...

comprehend the unsafe times we are in...
that is when 'n where it all begin...
rolling in schedules rockin to win...
just make sure life ain't tossed for spin...

always be cheerful, contended 'n gay...
springs in ya'r feet never daring to flay...
the lecherous I fear, don't fall a prey...
that is all I plead, that is all I pray...

Tanha manzil... Juda raaste...

alag raaston ne ki ab manzil tanha...
par tujh sa humsafar na dekha, na suna...

jo na dekha, no suna, par mehsoos kiya...
khuli aankhon se dekha ek haseen khawab jo maine piya...

labon ka faasla dilon ne na jaane kab mita diya...
teri judai mein tadpa, tujhe chu ke jiya...

tujhe paane ki bepanaah chahat, phir bhi reh gayi tang...
mere andhere se door, aur kisi mehfil mein thi shamma ki jung...

ho tera iqbal buland, gustakh ki yehi aakhri aarzoo...
rahoon ya na rahoon, tujh mein shamil rahegi meri rooh...

yeh zameen, yeh aasman, tere kadmon mein aake fanaa ho...
jannat, tujhe jannat mein dekho, dojakh mein mujhe nazaraa bayaan ho...

mera aks, jo aankhen band karte ho jayega juda...
rehnuma door jaye, par rehta phir bhi hai khuda...

rabb mere, rabb teri khair kare... khuda haafiz...

Think before ya speak...

A timely piece of advice …

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about
life...

In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.

I said to her:

'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on
machines and liquids from a bottle.



If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions
that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.

Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration
towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the
DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went
to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!

I ALMOST DIED !!!

I want...

I want...

I want the dreams to live on 'n go fly a little more...

I want to freeze the time so that love you 'n I share is forever encore...

I want to live the dawn 'n the twilight thru your eyes...

I want to love 'n lust ya more till it's no longer a vice...

I want a world where you belong to me 'n I belong to you...

I want no limit, no boundaries to divide our love so true...

I want at the end of the road, you go to your destiny but don't bid farewell...

I want you blessed in heaven when without ya I'd be forever in hell...

I want to break free but wish to live my life trapped in your soul...

I want you to shine like a precious diamond 'n would gladly be the leftover coal...

I want to love ya insanely 'coz your presence makes me sane...

I want your smiles to be my boon yet never my concerns to be your bane...

I want God to bless ya like the unbiased love I will...

I want to find my way to your memories 'n lay there still...

I want my eyes to lie 'n smile back at you when you say it's time to go...

I want you my sunshine, forever happy 'n willing to grow...

I want you to be mine 'n then I'd have nothing more to want...

I want to die in your arms, my last wish I want Almighty God to grant...

Amen!

Syaah Roshni

roshan awaam ke tamaam jayaz gille shikveh,
muqaddar par andheri raat ka, ho woh kali syaah yun...

khamosh aankhen bayaan karti sard haqiqat,
ahal-e-mehfil mein rakhta lekin niyat-e-saaf hoon...

shab ki tamanna Illahi ne rakhi taar hai,
kyun tujhe phir Rabb ki iss muraad pe malaal hai...

bepanaah hai arzoo, teri chahat janoon sa,
kamjor khawaish se wafaa ka hua kyun ab aks juda...

dost hoon ya hoon ek sawaal farebi
mahashar ko hisaab karega Khuda...

Jannat

rabb ke vaaris mere humsafar, mere rehnuma...

ankhen nam meri, hoth lafz bina...

hawa ke saath wafa ko raazi hai ghata...

parwana qayamat ke sadke dhoondta shama...

hajoom mein tanha ho ke tere aks ko paane ki aarzoo...

tujhe jeetane mein khud ko harane ki justaju...

ab samundar pyaasa ho ke paani ki fariyaad karta hai...

tu aaye to mohabbat ko khuda mile...

comprehending NO... both N 'n O...

magical moments aplenty, quite a bountiful craze,
unaware when we got lost in an affection maze,
busy soaking the bliss, never stopping to count,
nothing else mattered, for our love was paramount...

sometime then the overcast sky cleared a tad,
exposing moments of truth, both happy 'n sad,
same journey, pray, why different destinations,
fear of losing something that I never had...

a dream to walk together with smiles 'n tears,
infinite love, yet staring zillion untold fears,
few doubts, ample trust heading to fore,
way past the bridge 'n down further more...

don't think, don't fret, darling sweet 'n kind,
I know my lust is crazy, my love is blind,
deserving none, getting all, yet wanting more,
forgive me, turn back 'n take a detour...

loving 'n living the rebuttal that now you paint blue...
N 'n O... is my worst nightmare come true...
promises to cross the bridge, now nothing to dare,
even if life ain't... my love you are, but only fair...

love ya forever... more than I want to... more than you want me to...

"Good news or bad news?"

"Good news or bad news?"

Robert De Vincenzo, the great Argentine golfer, once won a tournament and, after receiving the check and smiling for the cameras, he went to the clubhouse and prepared to leave. Some time later, he walked alone to his car in the parking lot and was approached by a young woman.

She congratulated him on his victory and then told him that her child was seriously ill and near death. She did not know how she could pay the doctor’s bills and hospital expenses.

De Vincenzo was touched by her story, and he took out a pen and endorsed his winning check for payment to the woman. "Make some good days for the baby," he said as he pressed the check into her hand.

The next week he was having lunch in a country club when a Professional Golf Association official came to his table. "Some of the boys in the parking lot last week told me you met a young woman there after you won that tournament." De Vincenzo nodded. "Well," said the official, "I have news for you. She’s a phony. She has no sick baby. She’s not even married. She fleeced you, my friend."

"You mean there is no baby who is dying?" said De Vincenzo.

"That’s right," said the official.

"That’s the best good news I’ve heard all week." De Vincenzo said.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
When you consistently maintain a positive frame of mind, you'll become known as a problem-solver rather than a complainer. People avoid complainers. They seek out problem-solvers.

You can give in to the failure messages and be a bitter deadbeat of excuses. Or you can choose to be happy and positive and excited about life.

The difference between can and cannot are only three letters. Three letters that determine your life's direction.

Being positive or negative, are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life.

Amazing Santa ji... Banta ji...

Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye.
"Haye haye main to 1100 lungi".
Dusri Boli "Main to 2100 lungi".
Peeche se Santa bola "Abey 2310 le lo, usme FM bhi hai!!!"

****************************************************************

Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup.
Santa: I'm in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!


****************************************************************

Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!


****************************************************************

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!


****************************************************************


Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa SMS 2 boss: Me ok now, your wife very sweet.


****************************************************************

Santa ki chatri mein hole tha, kisi ne pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.


****************************************************************

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.


****************************************************************

Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18 yrs & marriage age 21 yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.


****************************************************************

Santa kaafi time baad pind geya, Pind di Jameen to Mitti fad ke te sungh ke bolea: "Pind di Mitti di khushbu hi vakhri hundi aa".
Banta: Kanjra dhyan nal vekh Eh suki hui Shit aa...


****************************************************************

Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.

****************************************************************

Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lakh plastic surgery ke liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha...


****************************************************************

Teacher askd Santa: What is d meaning of TAMSO MAA JYOTIR GAMAYA?
Santa: "Tu so ja maa, main Jyoti de ghar ho ke aaya".


****************************************************************

Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it.


****************************************************************

Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.


****************************************************************

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.


****************************************************************

What a rip-off!

Santa picked up a book called 37 Mating Positions. He goes home, opens it... and it turns out to be a book on chess!


****************************************************************

Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, zeher bharwane aya hoga...


****************************************************************

An Englishman and Banta inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Banta: Good evening, we open the zip and do.


****************************************************************

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !

****************************************************************

Pappu: Ajj madam ne 1 swaal puchhya jisda jawab sirf mainu hi pata si.
Santa: Mera biba beta, ki swaal si?
Pappu: Swaal si ki blackboard kol susu kine kita hai?


****************************************************************

Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere per upar aur sar neeche kar ke faansi de do..!


****************************************************************

Amli: Doctar ji tuhanu tankay lagonay aunde hun?
Dr: Haan ji, daso kithay lagonay ne?
Amli: Aa lo ji chapal te la do...!


****************************************************************

Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga ki main mummy ko bina bataye ghar se bahar ja sakoon.
Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua...


****************************************************************

Banta mujra dekhne gaya, sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha aur khud nachne laga.


****************************************************************

Santa: Rab ji aap mainu 100 Rs devo ta 50 main Gurudware de avanga.
Thodi dur ja ke us nu 50 Rs mil gaye.
Santa: Wah rabba ena vi Bharosa ni, apne pehle hi kat laye...

****************************************************************

Bante de ghar buddi mar gayi. Saare kehan lagge: Bebe mainu lai jaandi! Mainu lai jaandi!
Banta vichon uthh ke kehenda: Saaleo! Bebe ne SUMO kiti hoi si ki?

****************************************************************

Banta ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?? Kyon?
Itne saalo baad, itni manato k baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!


****************************************************************

Teacher: Aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to aadmi ne hai par fir bhi wo wahan par ja nahi sakta?
Papu: LADIES TOILET!


****************************************************************

Teacher: Asmaan me udne wali ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo asmaan me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess!


****************************************************************

Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!


****************************************************************

Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye. Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye...

****************************************************************

Teacher: Light Kitho Aandi Hai?
Pappu: Mere Nankeya De Gharon.
Teacher: Kinwe?
Pppu: Jado Light Jandi Hai Papa Kehndy ne 'Saleya ne Pher cut ti".


****************************************************************

Santa: What's the name of ur car?
Banta: I don't know but it starts with "T"
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.


****************************************************************

Santa, Banta & Bobby were going on a motorcycle. Policeman gives hand to stop.
Santa shouted: Oye pagal, pehle hi 3 bethe hain tu kahan baithega?


****************************************************************

Jeeto: Doctor ne mujhe ek mahine ka aaram aur kisi Hill station par jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?
Santa: Kisi Dusrey Doctor ke paas!!!


****************************************************************

Samundar de kande baithe han, Kadi tan lehar aaogi,
Kismat badle na badle, CHAPPAL TAN DHOTI JAUGI,
So always think positive.


****************************************************************

Santa went to international cooking contest. When judges came to him, he was moving spoon in empty kadhai.
Judge asked: Kya bana rahe ho?
Santa: FUDDU…

****************************************************************

Boss: I'm giving you driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?
Santa: you are great sir! Starting salary is OK but how much is DRIVING salary?


****************************************************************

Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka accident case. Banta: Aaho, truck da number is also written... BC 1760 !!!.


****************************************************************

Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?
Santa: Niri Afwah !!!


****************************************************************

Santa to wife: Did you hav any boy friend before marriage?
Wife remain silent.
Santa: Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu?
Wife: Bewakoof, ginan tan de.

****************************************************************

Santa Radio lekar POTTY karne gaya.
Banta: Aaj toh mazey se ki hogi ?
Santa: Khaak mazey se ki, radio par Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya, khade-khade karni padi.


****************************************************************

Santa eats eight Butter Naan at a party and is suffering from Constipation.
Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru...Ya toh JAAN nikal de, ya NAAN nikal de.


****************************************************************

Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue.
Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue.
Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si…


****************************************************************

Santa gets a Cheque & throws it on the ground.
To see whether it'll BOUNCE or not!


****************************************************************

Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste mein biwi ko khai mein dhaka de doonga.
Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena.
Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe dhaka de doon?


****************************************************************

Baniye shayar ne arz kiya.
Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par
Kambakht, Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAJ par.


****************************************************************

Santa-Bus stand jane ke kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2 Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2 Rs mein kaun le ke jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.


****************************************************************

Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya.
Banta: Kinu, tenu ya tere bapu nu?


****************************************************************


Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar chuke si?
Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi vi chad chuke si.


****************************************************************

Bante di wife nu daaku chuk ke ley gaye.
Sarean ne keha "daaku khatarnaak ne, khali haath na jawin wife nu bachaun".
Banta 2-kg Amb ley gaya.


****************************************************************


Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.


****************************************************************


Jeeto: Main tang aa gayi haan. Tusi hamesha Mera Ghar, Meri Car, Mera Beta, bus Mera-Mera hi karde ho, kadi Sadda vi keha karo, hun almari vichon ki labh rahe ho?
Santa: Sadda Kachcha.


****************************************************************


Santa: Bhai, aapan har roz murge nal roti khaidee hai.
Banta: Yaar, oh kiven?
Santa: Ek burki aap khaidee aae, te ek murge nu paayee di hai.

****************************************************************

Santa: Tere result da ki banya?
Pappu: Madam kehndi iss class vich 1 saal hor lagna hai.
Santa: Pher theek hai, saal bhaaven 2-3 hor lag jaan, bass fail na hoeen.


****************************************************************


Ek kabutar ne Sante te bitth kar diti.
Santa: Oye teri maa ne tainu kachha pauna ni sikhaya?
Kabutar: Saleya tu kachha pa ke karda hain?


****************************************************************


Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad, how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?


****************************************************************

Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!


****************************************************************


Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?


****************************************************************


Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
Nurse- Kyon?
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA


****************************************************************

Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Santa: Biwi se.
Banta: Itne pyar se...?
Santa: Tumhari hai.


****************************************************************

Santa: Main ek eho jehi cheej labhi aa jeehday nal deewar de aar par dekhya ja sakda hai.
Banta: Balle! Ki cheej hai?
Santa: MORI


****************************************************************

Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates and Me?
Banta: Don't know.
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!


****************************************************************

Santa & Banta are walking down the road when Banta says: Look at that dog with one eye!
Santa covers one of his eyes and says: Where?


****************************************************************

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.


****************************************************************

Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, you are married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?


****************************************************************


Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
Banta: 1 Frog.
Santa: Theek hai hor das?
Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.


****************************************************************

Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.


****************************************************************

Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?

****************************************************************

Banta: Saadi teacher kehndi hai ke MAJJ da taaza dudh peen nal dimag wadhda hai.
Santa: Oye je ajehi gall hundi taan apna katta ajj IAS officer lageya hunda!


****************************************************************

Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal main ye andha hai.

****************************************************************

Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya?
Banta: Haan.
Santa: Kuri naal?
Banta: Oye munde naal vi hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan... Meri bhen da hoya si !


****************************************************************

A crow shits on a Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi phayda nahin, kauwa toh ud gaya!


****************************************************************

Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.
Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?


****************************************************************

Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab?
Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.

****************************************************************

Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.
Banta: Why?
Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.

****************************************************************


Santa bar vich ro reha si.
Bartender: Kyon ro rahe ho?
Santa: Hor ki karan? Main jis kudi da naa bhulna chahunda si usda naam yaad hi nahin aa reha.


****************************************************************


Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya that...
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!


****************************************************************

Santa to a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.


****************************************************************

Santa: Oh yaar main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek pappi ka Ek rupeya leti hai.
Banta: Oh yaar tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupaye leti hai.


****************************************************************


Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.


****************************************************************

Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.


****************************************************************

Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!


****************************************************************

Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.


****************************************************************


Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable.
Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on Escalators.


****************************************************************

Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.
Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.


****************************************************************


Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata


****************************************************************

Pappu: Bapu idhar aa...
Jeeto: Aise nahin bolte beta, daddy ko izzat se bulate hai.
Pappu: Bapu, izzat ke sath idhar aaja.


****************************************************************

Santa and Banta were watching a cricket match and Dhoni hits a boundary.
Banta: Kya Goal mara.
Santa: Raha na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal ismein nahin cricket mein hota hai...


****************************************************************


Jeeto: Sharam aani chahiye, tumhare Banta ki bibi ke saath sambandh hain.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aaya tha, usne tumhara underwear pehna hua tha...


****************************************************************

Sharaabi Santa knocks the door of his house. His wife opens the door.
Santa asks: Who are you?
Wife: How dare you forget your wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai


****************************************************************

Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis k liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

****************************************************************

Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi kisi kaam ki nahin.

****************************************************************


Santa: I got old age pension by showing grey hair on my chest.
Jeeto: Pant ki zip khol ke dikha dete to Disability Allowance bhi mil jaata

****************************************************************

Santa: Raat film vich ik chudail kade mere aggey, kade mere pichchey...
Jeeto: Kehri film si ?
Santa: Apne vyah di movie si !

****************************************************************

Once someone sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry & replied: Bhejnewala gadha, Padhnewala mahan

****************************************************************

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

****************************************************************


Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai

****************************************************************

Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!

****************************************************************

Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar vi sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher vi nahi lagdi...

****************************************************************

Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se

****************************************************************

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

****************************************************************


Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents

****************************************************************

Banta: Why do you take your wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open

****************************************************************

Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am

****************************************************************

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.

****************************************************************

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

****************************************************************

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

****************************************************************

Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado
Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha

****************************************************************

Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya, vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.

****************************************************************

Santa apni khoobsurat Biwi ke saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri biwi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!

****************************************************************

Santa: Tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.

****************************************************************

Banta: You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is All India Radio!

****************************************************************

Santa: O yaar hun meri kudi jawaan ho gayi hai, ki karan?
Banta: Karna ki hai, ohnu border te bhej de, saanu jawaanan di badi lor hai

****************************************************************

Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chimar gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upaaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?

****************************************************************

Jeeto: Kyon ji, tussi gaddi di speed kyon vadha ditti?
Santa: Break fail ho gayi hai, accident hon to pehle hi ghar pahounch jaaiye.

****************************************************************

Jeeto: Dekho woh admi mujhe ghoor-ghoor ke dekh raha hai.
Santa: Woh to kabadia hai, raddi pe nazar rakhna uski aadat hai

****************************************************************

Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

****************************************************************

Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tenuh eh vi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI


****************************************************************

Santa breaks an egg to make an omelet. He finds the egg empty. Gets frustrated & says: Aaj kal murguian bhi abortion karati hain

****************************************************************

Lady: Time kitna hua hai?
Banta: Bra Panties.
Lady: Time poocha hai Nonsense.
Banta: Time hi to bataya hai 12.35

****************************************************************

Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doctor.
Doc: What happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai

****************************************************************

Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.

****************************************************************

Girl to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.

****************************************************************

Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.

****************************************************************

Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

****************************************************************

Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar program shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai

****************************************************************

Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat

****************************************************************

Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.

****************************************************************

Santa went to see a girl for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk.
After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.

****************************************************************

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

****************************************************************

Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char gaiyan bas wich, hun meri wari no mor

****************************************************************

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

****************************************************************

Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan phir MRF da tyre de de.

****************************************************************

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

****************************************************************

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

****************************************************************

Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi

****************************************************************

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who are you?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya

****************************************************************

Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM

****************************************************************

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.

****************************************************************

Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR.
She slapped him: Leave my finger, you fool, It's a girl...

****************************************************************

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Santa bola... "Ismein aur colour dikhayiye".

****************************************************************

Santa Banta zid kar rahe c monkey dekhan di... so tuhade ghar da address dita hai.
Yaar 2-4 tapusian maar ke dikha deo bichare khush ho jaan ge.

****************************************************************

Santa went to battery shop and asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

****************************************************************

Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

****************************************************************

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

****************************************************************

Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

****************************************************************

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Lo, hun isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?

****************************************************************

Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!

****************************************************************